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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend ghosted me and then suddenly appeared again 4 years later

444 replies

Dogmum94 · 22/10/2018 11:59

More of a WWYD really. We met in nursery and were childhood friends, our parents also became friends and would take turns doing school runs/childcare etc. Spent all the school holidays together and most nights after school we would take turns going to each others house. Remained friends through primary/junior/secondary school and all through college as well. After college we did drift apart a bit but still kept in contact and would text every few weeks or so. My parents are still very good friends with hers and see each other regularly.
Around 4 years ago, I went to message her and she had blocked my number, and also Facebook and all other social media. I mentioned it to my parents and hers but nobody really knew anything and she then moved abroad to go travelling with her boyfriend for a few years.
I got engaged earlier this year, and can only assume either her family or one of our mutual friends has mentioned it to her. The other day I woke up to a message on Facebook from her, she had unblocked me and added me as a friend, and scrolled all the way through my Facebook to find the engagement announcement (bare in mind that was a few months ago so quite a few things to scroll through). She commented on it saying how happy she was for me and she’s so pleased her childhood friend is getting married. She can’t wait to be there to celebrate on the big day and be my bridesmaid like we always used to talk about when we were younger Confused
She’s being a CF isn’t she? Hmm

OP posts:
TatianaLarina · 23/10/2018 11:24

If she’d written you an email, apologised, given some kind of explanation I may have responded (depending how sincere she sounded or how valid the explanation was).

But given that she just fucked off and then pitched up with no explanation or awareness that she’d done anything wrong or caused upset, then personally I would just ignore her.

If she wants to chase after you and apologise, fine. But you don’t owe her anything. I would leave it all in her court to make amends to you.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/10/2018 11:33

I think when op has said: only now she's come back, meaning that she has contacted op after 4 years, not come back from travelling.

Original poster
Dogmum94 · 23/10/2018 11:59

@CallMeRachel yes sorry I meant come back as in come back into my life by contacting me again

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 23/10/2018 12:02

Noeuf - I think it can happen if the OP's settings are open to Friends of Friends, since the CF friend is still FB friends with the OP's mum.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 23/10/2018 12:02

Noeuf - I think it can happen if the OP's settings are open to Friends of Friends, since the CF friend is still FB friends with the OP's mum.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 23/10/2018 12:02

No idea how that double posted Confused

WillowKnicks · 23/10/2018 12:07

OP in your shoes I would just ignore & leave her friend request just sat there. In some ways that is more powerful than blocking, as you haven't even gone to the effort of doing that!

Rebecca36 · 23/10/2018 12:12

Sorry, I haven't read every post on this very long thread so what I say may have been said before.

Popping up again after a long, unexplained absence is odd and seems cheeky, however in your position I'd want to know why she had blocked you and appeared to withdraw her friendship. I can see hammeringinmyhead has said much the same, above.

Do try to find out please, it's so bizarre that you were blocked but other members of your family were not. There must be some explanation.

Original poster
Dogmum94 · 23/10/2018 12:25

SO she has messaged me. Just went on Facebook to message her, clicked on the message option and one from her had gone into my ‘other messages’ inbox as she’s not a friend so I got no notification of it. A really chatty breezy message as if no time had passed at all and as if nothing ever happened Confused

OP posts:
Feefeetrixabelle · 23/10/2018 12:29

She’s opening up the channels of communication- just ask her why if only so you have that closure.

Hissy · 23/10/2018 12:40

I think that you can legitimately say that after the blocking and vanishing act of 4 years ago that you are in a no-lose situation, so I would say something like "Good grief, what a surprise to hear from you after all these years, it'd be nice to know why you thought it appropriate to block me and ghost me before we get into the how are you's, what you been up to's etc"

HelloSnow · 23/10/2018 12:49

What were you going to message her before you saw she had already messaged you?

ambereeree · 23/10/2018 12:51

Reply saying I thought you were dead! She wants an invite so she can catch up with all your old friends when she's back. Do not invite her.
When she blocked you are you sure she wasn't seeing an old boyfriend if yours or someone you liked?

florafawna · 23/10/2018 12:55

I would just ignore.

PumpkinSpiceAmericanoNoSugar · 23/10/2018 13:00

Wait four years and then reply. Grin

SuperGekkoMuscles · 23/10/2018 13:10

She’s a CF isn’t she.

I would definitely message back now you have a second message. Along the lines of ‘you blocked me four years ago and now you’re messaging me as if nothing happened? Why on earth do you think I’m interested in what you have to say’. I think the breezy message would make me quite angry.

witchcatcalledjohn · 23/10/2018 13:14

She is something special. I'd have to go down this route:

"4 years of you blocking me out of the blue and you expect to simply waltz back in to my life and be a bridesmaid?

No."

SeaEagleFeather · 23/10/2018 13:27

is it just me that would say "it's nice - if unexpected - to hear from you. Can I ask why you unblocked me, and for that matter blocked me? I thought we were good friends and that was quite a surprise, rather a sad one"

Depending on what she'd say then I'd take it from there.

It just seems odd to play tit-for-tat, she blocked you so cut her out. If she's shallow and can't offer a reasonable explanation then it's not worth keeping in contact. But aren't you curious about the whole thing?

minmooch · 23/10/2018 13:27

Just be honest and ask her why she had not been in contact for 4 years after blocking you? No need to be nasty. Maybe something happened to her that she wasn't able to tell you. Maybe there was no real reason.

But ask her, listen to her answer and then decide if there is a friendship there.

Parpulous · 23/10/2018 13:33

I'd be too curious to find out why she had blocked me to stop myself from messaging back! In any case I'm sure it'll help gain some closure.

She may have been dealing with some mental health issues, I think you may as well give her the benefit of the doubt and then assess whether her reasons for cutting contact were understandable on any level or not.

I've had it happen to me before. It feels like shit but turns out both people had a lot of issues they were working on and that I wasn't the only one they had cut contact with. They eventually initiated contact again and friendship is back to normal Smile

Bobbybear10 · 23/10/2018 13:33

I can’t imagine how you are feeling right now OP, I don’t even know the woman and am desperate to know why she ghosted you!

If you think it’s better for your MH then just block delete and move on.
If it was me I would have to know so would message her asking why the block. Although I suppose she might just give some shitty breezy excuse that makes it even more frustrating!

TatianaLarina · 23/10/2018 13:33

4 years of you blocking me out of the blue and you expect to simply waltz back in to my life and be a bridesmaid?

No.”

Me too.

Pinkyyy · 23/10/2018 13:35

Oh dear, so it wasn't a drunken mistake as some have guessed. She actually does think you're still friends. You're going to have to set the record straight OP, you are better than this and you have people around you who treat you better

dustarr73 · 23/10/2018 13:38

@BlingLoving when you're ghosted.Its a shock.My friend did this.Was supposed to meet for coffee with my newborn.Never showed up,i rang her.Never got an answer.

But to me that was it.It made sense of the times she'd been off.So after that i never rang her,or bothered her again.I wouldnt chase after someone who didnt want to be my friend.I do have some self respect.

loobylou10 · 23/10/2018 13:39

I would just reply to her message asking her why she blocked you. Don’t allow her to get away with pretending it didn’t happen - then be guided by what she says.
Put her on the spot.