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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend nearly £2,000 on a sofa?

228 replies

SofaSofa · 21/10/2018 16:09

Just moved to a beautiful little house, just me, DD and the cat.

Earlier this year I left a DV relationship and although I am much happier I have been left with Anxiety and PTSD. I have been told to be kind to myself, although I find it difficult.

Ex took me to court for custody of our DD just weeks after we split but due to his controlling nature and the violence he has no contact with DD. I’d like to say it’s liberating to not have to see or speak to him, but actually it’s bloody hard. I constantly feel like I am failing DD and am often tempted to ignore the court order and let Ex back into her life – he does still text me and say he misses her and wants to see her, but my solicitor says he’s just feeling angry that he can no longer control me, I still feel awful.

Saying all this to give background as to why I need to spend so much.

I’ve fallen in love with a corner sofa. Fabric and Leather, in a gorgeous colour. I’ve tried it in store and it’s so comfy – I have a ratty old secondhand one Ex was given by his parents which although comfy the fabric is fading and was given while I was pregnant so has sick stains on it despite me scrubbing.

DD is 4 and is not allowed to eat on the sofa at all. She eats at the table in the kitchen or in the old non matching armchair that we were given with the sofa, which I will be keeping. Cat

The sofa is £1,799. It would be my only treat for the year. I work and get a bonus of £1,000 in November so I’d wait to buy it until that came through. I have the rest of the money in savings. I’d still be left with around £200 savings and I can build them up again slowly. I also have a credit card which is currently unused which has the amount of credit that it would take to run my house should I need it.

AIBU? Or do I just need to wait? I was never allowed to spend money on furniture during my relationship as it took money from Ex so I am unsure of spending so much on myself.

Sofa is this if anyone’s interested www.harveysfurniture.co.uk/arlington-left-hand-facing-corner-group-with-chaise-media-tray/?sv_source=GOOGLE&sv_medium=cpc&sv_campaign=PLA_Corner_Sofas_HIGH&sv_term=PRODUCT_GROUP&&gclid=CjwKCAjwx7DeBRBJEiwA9MeX_HBBcSSnKx3eN9X0xh5niNojbgdh7_U3OiaUgM-CIvcGnK9ZxjxG6RoCS2gQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds&dclid=CNHrhN3kl94CFcKB3god3fsLYg#arlington-left-hand-facing-corner-group-with-chaise-media-tray/details/16006-16109/

OP posts:
speakout · 22/10/2018 16:33

All I can say to this is that it's a lovely feeling to not worry about unexpected expenses, to take a break from your job if you feel like it, to go on holiday when and where you like, to know that you'll be able to take advantage of any opportunities that come your way, to be confident your DC will be provided for.

I agree.
Having healthy savings means freedom from worry.

Gin96 · 22/10/2018 16:33

I bought 2 sofa’s, £2000 each, that was 20 years ago and they still look good, well worth the money Smile

Bluelady · 22/10/2018 16:36

There's a lot more to my post than the half sentence you selectively quoted, Laurie. Did I say living hand to mouth is a good thing?

sdaisy26 · 22/10/2018 16:54

I have sofas that cost more than that, and a 4yo, so that wouldn’t stop me. But I couldn’t do it if it meant I only had £200 left in savings to cover something unexpected.

stopitandtidyupp · 22/10/2018 18:53

Personally I think accumulating money for the sake of it is pointless. Have a cushion for unforeseen events by all means. Save up for something specific, of course. Hoard money for no purpose, why? And that hoarding becomes addictive. People do without things that would enhance their lives so they can see the 0s pile up on their bank statements. Seems a pretty joyless existence to me.

Could not agree more. I had a colleague like this she even took the joy of eating out counting out the exact bill without a tip.

Life is short. That doesn't mean be totally folivorous but a sofa is really life enhancing.

It's not like she is blowing it on a pair of louboutins.

Notmorewashing · 23/10/2018 19:04

I agree with the hoarding it’s pathetic. If you had to worry about every possible thing that can go wrong in life you would never live!!!!
I had some friends that lived like this really high income but never spent any money other than on what they had to. Insisted on going to weatherspoons for bargain lunches wouldn’t go anywhere else or ever buy a coffee out etc. Only went to the cinema at the cheap times. Horrible existence.

reallybadidea · 23/10/2018 19:29

Oh yes, it's absolutely pathetic to live frugally so that you can do things like support yourself in old age and help your children out with housing, university fees etc Hmm

stopitandtidyupp · 23/10/2018 19:35

Oh yes, it's absolutely pathetic to live frugally so that you can do things like support yourself in old age and help your children out with housing, university fees etc

No but there is a happy medium.

speakout · 23/10/2018 19:37

Hoarding money is just something that happens to me.

OH and I earn more than we need.

Neither of us are into "stuff" for the sake of it.

I have a low opinion of consumerism generally, the fashion and furniture industries have a great deal to answer to for global pollution.
If I see a second hand sofa that I like I actually prefer to buy that than new.
My kids are now just nearly out of the teenage years. I am realistic about their worlds in terms of having iphones, footwear etc.

But labels and the latest stuff does not rock my boat. We like good seasonal food but I in no way have a " miserable " existence.
We are supporting kids though University through savings, and when the time comes we will be able to help them with a deposit for a house.

I don't see what is miserable about that.

sparklepops123 · 23/10/2018 20:13

Some people,inc myself,grew up with very little creature comforts ( I can easily include no heat, electricity,free flowing water in that) oh yes and general love.
When you get to an age you can provide that for you and your family that you created then yes,my home is my kingdom. If I like it and I can afford it : interest free/ savings, whatever , I bloody well deserve it.
BUY the sofa - interest free op

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 23/10/2018 20:35

I bought a new sofa in January. £3000 worth half price in the sales. Made to order in the uk and delivered within 8 weeks.
That sofa is more expensive and is not even leather. It doesn’t say it is part of their made in the uk range and has a delivery time of 14 weeks so is probably going to to shipped half way across Europe.

If you really want a new sofa wait until the sales as your money will go further and you will be able to buy better than faux suede.

Growingboys · 23/10/2018 20:37

I wouldn't.

Housingcraze · 23/10/2018 20:41

You only live once

speakout · 23/10/2018 20:48

You only live once

Yes, but what if your car breaks down and you need a new washing machine and both things happen in the same week.

A £2000 sofa won't remove the worry and anxiety of having to come up with the cash for essentials.

"You only live once", yes and that includes having strategies for not worrying about money situations.

Like buying non essential stuff you can't afford.

Dungeondragon15 · 23/10/2018 20:52

I have a low opinion of consumerism generally, the fashion and furniture industries have a great deal to answer to for global pollution.

And yet you have four sofas.

speakout · 23/10/2018 20:54

And yet you have four sofas.

Yes, and all second hand.

speakout · 23/10/2018 20:57

Most of my furniture is second hand. As is my car, 90% of my clothes, bags, coats etc.

Dungeondragon15 · 23/10/2018 20:58

Yes, and all second hand.

So what? Unless they were about to go to a skip you have hardly saved the planet by buying them. If they really were in "mint condition" and comfortable perhaps you should have made do with one or two and let the others go to another home.

Bluelady · 23/10/2018 20:59

What a bloody awful way to live. A houseful of other people's cast offs.

speakout · 23/10/2018 21:01

Bluelady

Would you say the same of antique furniture?

You never stay in hotels where furniture has been used by other guests?

My home is comfortable.

ineedabagformyhippo · 23/10/2018 21:01

I'm shocked at the number of posters encouraging someone with only £200 in savings to spend £2k on a sofa!! That's hardly anything OP, and I would definitely class that as living payday to payday! I'd either keep saving or find a cheaper sofa

IamMoana · 23/10/2018 21:05

I recently spent a similar amount on a sofa, despite having a 4 year old & a cat. I never spend any money on myself, and I love it. Well worth it of an evening when I'm snuggled up with an hour to myself. I'd suggest putting £1k down & doing £1k on 0% interest repayments.

Bluelady · 23/10/2018 21:08

I don't like antique furniture. And no way would I wear second hand clothes. I don't want to be the richest person in the graveyard.

Youseethethingis · 23/10/2018 21:11

I have this sofa and used to work for Harveys. Save yourself a few hundred quid by choosing your own combinations of units to build it up. You can do this in store only, as letting people do it online would be a shambles Confused For example, the cupholder section alone is maybe £250. Do you need it or want it? Gets in the way of stretching out so most people would ditch it.

blueshoes · 23/10/2018 21:22

A sofa is just a thing. I would prioritise financial security for my family over a thing (which I can get more cheaply elsewhere) any time.