To spend nearly £2,000 on a sofa?

[SofaSofa]

Just moved to a beautiful little house, just me, DD and the cat.

Earlier this year I left a DV relationship and although I am much happier I have been left with Anxiety and PTSD. I have been told to be kind to myself, although I find it difficult.

Ex took me to court for custody of our DD just weeks after we split but due to his controlling nature and the violence he has no contact with DD. I’d like to say it’s liberating to not have to see or speak to him, but actually it’s bloody hard. I constantly feel like I am failing DD and am often tempted to ignore the court order and let Ex back into her life – he does still text me and say he misses her and wants to see her, but my solicitor says he’s just feeling angry that he can no longer control me, I still feel awful.

Saying all this to give background as to why I need to spend so much.

I’ve fallen in love with a corner sofa. Fabric and Leather, in a gorgeous colour. I’ve tried it in store and it’s so comfy – I have a ratty old secondhand one Ex was given by his parents which although comfy the fabric is fading and was given while I was pregnant so has sick stains on it despite me scrubbing.

DD is 4 and is not allowed to eat on the sofa at all. She eats at the table in the kitchen or in the old non matching armchair that we were given with the sofa, which I will be keeping. Cat

The sofa is £1,799. It would be my only treat for the year. I work and get a bonus of £1,000 in November so I’d wait to buy it until that came through. I have the rest of the money in savings. I’d still be left with around £200 savings and I can build them up again slowly. I also have a credit card which is currently unused which has the amount of credit that it would take to run my house should I need it.

AIBU? Or do I just need to wait? I was never allowed to spend money on furniture during my relationship as it took money from Ex so I am unsure of spending so much on myself.

Sofa is this if anyone’s interested www.harveysfurniture.co.uk/arlington-left-hand-facing-corner-group-with-chaise-media-tray/?sv_source=GOOGLE&sv_medium=cpc&sv_campaign=PLA_Corner_Sofas_HIGH&sv_term=PRODUCT_GROUP&&gclid=CjwKCAjwx7DeBRBJEiwA9MeX_HBBcSSnKx3eN9X0xh5niNojbgdh7_U3OiaUgM-CIvcGnK9ZxjxG6RoCS2gQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds&dclid=CNHrhN3kl94CFcKB3god3fsLYg#arlington-left-hand-facing-corner-group-with-chaise-media-tray/details/16006-16109/

Op this is the abuse talking. You do not need our permission or approval. We are irrelevant to you. What do you want? Take this step towards knowing your own mind! You can do this. You don’t need us - in the best possible way

You can get 7% back if you shop Harvey's through www.topcashback.co.uk

please treat yourself Stay strong. The sofa will be a daily reminder of how much you have achieved for you and your daughter. I think it is important you give yourself permission to do this. Watch out for discounts and think about paying it up if it's not going to cost anything.
Old sofa has bad memories and reminders - it needs to go ASAP.

Do. It.

Beautiful new sofa for Christmas. You've had a shit time and deserve it.

No way!

You’re on your own with a child, adjusting to your new independence and freedom and having to do everything for yourself. That potential £2k in savings (with your bonus) is INVALUABLE. You need a cushion when there isn’t another adult to rely on. You should have one anyway. The stress of not having spare cash to absorb financial stressors will far outweigh any joy you’d get from a sofa. It’ll leave you living hand to mouth from paycheck to paycheck. What if you get sick and can’t work - and run out of sick pay? A sofa won’t pay your bills then.

It’s madness to leave yourself with £200 ‘savings’ (that’s barely anything) in order to have a massive luxury sofa that doesn’t fit with your income and lifestyle. I totally get wanting to spread your wings and treat yourself. But you should find something else to do that with for a couple hundred max and save the money. I’m shocked that anyone on here would advise otherwise.

I don’t know. The sofa sort of symbolises freedom and a new start impo
But pay on finance if you can

It;s a sofa though.

A symbol of freedom could be bought in a £30 print or a bracelet.

Wait until January and see if it comes up in the sales. But I think you should definitely treat yourself

@speakout
It could be bought by lots of things. But seeing as the old sofa if her exes hand me down then it is more pertinent. Also this is why she wants! She hasn’t ask about wanting a print or a bracelet.
And a sofa is actually very useful and will last for 10-20 years!
A good sofa is a good investment

By all means buy a new sofa but I would look at ones at least half of that price. What about this one from Oxendales (I have never been in or bought anything from their stores) and I am sure there are plenty similar ones out there.

www.oxendales.ie/shop/logan-righthand-corner-group/SG865/product/details/show.action?pdBoUid=8020&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI3-ad-o-Y3gIVReh3Ch2O0Qr5EAQYBCABEgIXcfD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds#colour:,size:

Go for it OP (but others are right you should build up an "emergencies" savings pot.
Will it fit in your living room though, it looks quite big?
I'm in a similar situation and I think it's important to start making your own choices when you get out of an abusive relationship. I've just bought a new mattress and I'm so happy that my ex has never slept on it, so it is free of him.

I like Ellisandra's and MrsTerryPratchett's posts.

OP, I have five figures (lower end thereof!) in savings and wouldn't spend 2k on a sofa. (I have to admit I find most sofas, especially the type that seems most prevalent right now, dreadfully, dreadfully ugly. But I'd love a futon sofa type thing but am refraining from getting the 600 euro one I have my eye on because I don't feel comfortable spending that atm).
I understand the need to mark your fresh start, and you absolutely deserve to, but I'd hate to think of you coming back in a year having met with some ill-fortune and regretting your purchase. Could you do something lovely with dd? Go to a place you've always wanted to take her to? Buy yourself and her really lovely winter coats, more expensive ones than you'd have got before? That'll cost 300 or 400 quid and leave you with most of your bonus and your savings.

If you do it OP and you use the Quidco cashback site they are giving 4% cashback which would help! I love Quidco - I don't work for them I promise!

How is a sofa an "investment"?

Do the appreciate in value?

I have 7 sofas in my home. All but one is second hand- and the one I bought new ( 5 seater) was custom built to fit an awkward place.

Even that cost only £470.

Your ex controlled your life and to take back control you need to make decision based on what YOU want.

@speakout
An investment in life, happiness, freedom, choice.
Not all investment is financial

Oh, speakout, do give over. You don't think OP should buy the sofa. We all get it. Pipe down now because you just don't understand.

Pipe down?! Lol

Ikea do nicer sofas imo!

There are a few things that deserve a decent spend:

Beds
Sofas
Cutlery
Towels

Imagine the run up to Christmas cuddled on the couch with your dd with blankets, hot chocolate, crap tv. That's a wonderful investment if you ask me?!

Seven sofas? Wow!

I didn’t want a second hand sofa. Simple as that. I spent years renting houses with shoddy sofas, or buying cheap second hand sofas to fit spaces in rented houses.
When we finally settled and bought our house we put aside a couple of grand to buy a nice sofa, that we chose. A year on I still love my sofa. I don’t regret spending the money.

Whilst a sofa will not increase in value it is a very useful item and a good quality product will last for a long time as well as improving quality of life if living in a nice environment and sitting comfortably is important to you.
As for "security" , it really depends on what OP's employer provides and other circumstances. Some employers will pay for sick leave for a few months or even a year. Redundancy can be covered with insurance as can critical illness. Whether or not she needs savings for if her car breaks down depends on whether she needs one for work etc etc.

I didn’t want a second hand sofa. Simple as that. I spent years renting houses with shoddy sofas, or buying cheap second hand sofas to fit spaces in rented houses.

I feel like that too. I can't imagine sitting on crappy sofas whilst I had plenty of savings (like some other posters).

I got a Harvey's sofa, almost ten years ago, despite three moves and a three year old its still fab, so I can highly recommend them.

Sofas tend to be one thing that you get what you pay for so I'd say go for it, every time you look at it you'll know you bought it and hopefully find that empowering