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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend nearly £2,000 on a sofa?

228 replies

SofaSofa · 21/10/2018 16:09

Just moved to a beautiful little house, just me, DD and the cat.

Earlier this year I left a DV relationship and although I am much happier I have been left with Anxiety and PTSD. I have been told to be kind to myself, although I find it difficult.

Ex took me to court for custody of our DD just weeks after we split but due to his controlling nature and the violence he has no contact with DD. I’d like to say it’s liberating to not have to see or speak to him, but actually it’s bloody hard. I constantly feel like I am failing DD and am often tempted to ignore the court order and let Ex back into her life – he does still text me and say he misses her and wants to see her, but my solicitor says he’s just feeling angry that he can no longer control me, I still feel awful.

Saying all this to give background as to why I need to spend so much.

I’ve fallen in love with a corner sofa. Fabric and Leather, in a gorgeous colour. I’ve tried it in store and it’s so comfy – I have a ratty old secondhand one Ex was given by his parents which although comfy the fabric is fading and was given while I was pregnant so has sick stains on it despite me scrubbing.

DD is 4 and is not allowed to eat on the sofa at all. She eats at the table in the kitchen or in the old non matching armchair that we were given with the sofa, which I will be keeping. Cat

The sofa is £1,799. It would be my only treat for the year. I work and get a bonus of £1,000 in November so I’d wait to buy it until that came through. I have the rest of the money in savings. I’d still be left with around £200 savings and I can build them up again slowly. I also have a credit card which is currently unused which has the amount of credit that it would take to run my house should I need it.

AIBU? Or do I just need to wait? I was never allowed to spend money on furniture during my relationship as it took money from Ex so I am unsure of spending so much on myself.

Sofa is this if anyone’s interested www.harveysfurniture.co.uk/arlington-left-hand-facing-corner-group-with-chaise-media-tray/?sv_source=GOOGLE&sv_medium=cpc&sv_campaign=PLA_Corner_Sofas_HIGH&sv_term=PRODUCT_GROUP&&gclid=CjwKCAjwx7DeBRBJEiwA9MeX_HBBcSSnKx3eN9X0xh5niNojbgdh7_U3OiaUgM-CIvcGnK9ZxjxG6RoCS2gQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds&dclid=CNHrhN3kl94CFcKB3god3fsLYg#arlington-left-hand-facing-corner-group-with-chaise-media-tray/details/16006-16109/

OP posts:
Roussette · 21/10/2018 16:41

That's a helluva lot of money for a sofa that's described as 'faux suede'

Personally, I wouldn't, if it means using up all your hard earned bonus

Dungeondragon15 · 21/10/2018 16:42

I think chucking £2K on a sofa you can't afford is crazy.

She can afford it though. It won't put her into debt and she will still have some saving plus a credit card for emergencies. She has saved the money reasonably quickly so not doubt will be able to save more.

YearOfYouRemember · 21/10/2018 16:43

Don't see DV = have to spend all your money on a sofa. I get bad stuff = need to treat yourself etc but it doesn't need to be £2k worth when it leaves you with only £200.

greendale17 · 21/10/2018 16:44

Really it is up to you but I have to say that sofa really is hideous. No way on earth would I spend £2k on that!

Lovemusic33 · 21/10/2018 16:46

If it’s something you really want and you can afford it then why not? You don’t need to justify yourself to us or anyone (your no longer being controlled by your abusive ex). The first thing I did when controlling dh left was buy 2 new sofas as he would never let me buy anything new. I still have them 3 years later.

My advice would be to get it on 0% credit if you can. I never bought anything on tick whilst I was married but this meant my credit score was rubbish, I now have a few items on credit (on card) on 0% and my credit score has crept up. I still have the money to pay my card off if I need too so technically not in debt. If you get the sofa on 0% it means of you have an emergency you still have savings you can use.

SoyDora · 21/10/2018 16:46

The OP would probably think loads of your possessions are hideous too greendale17!

reallybadidea · 21/10/2018 16:47

I wouldn't. You're on a fairly low income and you only have a small amount in savings, I would be saving them for a rainy day. You never know what is round the corner. I get what you want to splash out, I really do, but it's only a sofa at the end of the day.

QuaterMiss · 21/10/2018 16:47

My view is as valid as yours.

Of course.

But the OP is living through such a horrible phase - of powerlessness, guilt, the feeling that she doesn't deserve 'nice' things, the certainty that she will be held to account ... It makes my heart hurt to think of it.

Boomchicawowow · 21/10/2018 16:47

I completely get it OP. My sister has just got out of a psychologically abusive relationship and she has been left with all the old ratty things. She is desperate to get new items so that she is not reminded of him. Also he never let them spend any of their money (they had loads but he was spending it without her knowing and telling her they were poor). I have encouraged her to buy some new bits that SHE loves. I am helping her with cost as she cannot afford it. If you can afford it and you love it then bloody yes buy it! Just make sure it is good quality and there isn’t a better one out there for the same price.

Thisoneisnottaken · 21/10/2018 16:47

Absolutely treat yourself - you deserve it!! BUT £200 savings is not enough in my opinion...I'd feel insecure if that's all I had. Perhaps you could wait till you have built up more in savings?

mysteryfairy · 21/10/2018 16:48

That’s a gigantic sofa. If you’ve moved into a lovely little house measure up really carefully before you commit as I think anything but a huge living room would be really dominated by it!

ElectricMonkey · 21/10/2018 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

davisday · 21/10/2018 16:51

I would. But I firmly believe life is too not buy yourself a piece of furniture that you can afford.

davisday · 21/10/2018 16:51

*too short

Bambamber · 21/10/2018 16:51

You don't need permission to spend your own money.

If that is the sofa that you like and it won't put you in financial hardship, go for it.

Just make sure you're not spending money and shopping as a coping strategy. It doesn't end well

Bluntness100 · 21/10/2018 16:52

Op, do the interest free credit, if you can afford the monthly payments. It's interest free and isn't costing you more. No need to pay up front.

Bluelady · 21/10/2018 16:52

The nastiness of comments on the sofa is breath taking. OP didn't ask for opinions on her choice of sofa.

Missingstreetlife · 21/10/2018 16:54

If it is the sofa of your dreams and will make you happy every day, then yes. If you just like it and are likely to get bored then no. It's a lot of money, £20 a week for two years, so don't buy it on a whim. I had one made, it cost a lot but I still have it 20 years later and still love it.

redexpat · 21/10/2018 16:55

my dad always said to map out new furniture in newspaper so you can see how much space it'll take up. If you do that and its ok and you want to buy the sofa then buy thr bloody sofa! Youre an adult. This is your film and youre the director, so you decide what happens!

BarbarianMum · 21/10/2018 16:56

£200 and a credit card seems a very narrow margin to me. How long would it take you to save an extra £500 to cushion you against unexpected expenses?

On a separate note I think having a sofa that you love is one of the most life-affirming things you can do. I also think its well worth buying a good quality one- ours is 14 years old and still going strong (it did have to live under a blanket for a few years whilst the kids were small).

indieshuffle · 21/10/2018 16:58

Well done for getting out and making a new life for you and your daughter! I can totally see why you would want a lovely cosy sofa too.

I think value for money is more important than just price, so would always choose something long lasting if I could, but I do think you are cutting it fine with your savings. I would want to have 2 months of expenses in the bank if I could. You just never know what's around the corner, and those 2 months go like a shot. But maybe you have a job that pays above the average.

Could buy it on credit or look at Ebay maybe? Even with a delivery fee, you could get a bargain.

The issue of it not fitting in a smaller house is also worth considering if you don't own or have a secure tenancy.

You can treat yourself in lots of ways. You could buy things or treat yourself to a feeling of safety by having some savings and emergency money.

speakout · 21/10/2018 16:58

A sofa does not fill an emotional hole.

Especially when it will make a huge financial obligation on credit.

It will add to burdens.

Dauphinois · 21/10/2018 17:00

Nope. If I only had £2k in savings I'd never spend £1800 of it on a sofa. Sorry.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/10/2018 17:00

It's not my cup of tea but it is the OP's. So stop being arseholes.

A few things to consider:

  1. If the point is to get rid of the crappy sofa that your ex made you have... why not a get a sofa cheaply for now and then give yourself time to think about it? This could be the rebound sofa Grin
  1. That is an enormous sofa. Moving it would be a nightmare and there's just you and DD. Should you consider a smaller one? You said your place is small.
  1. The science is (yes, there is science on happiness) that experiences make us happier than things. Because things degrade and memories get better. Just something to think about.
  1. Have you gone from your ex telling you what you are allowed to do to you asking MN what you are allowed to do? Just having a little think about how to develop your own inner voice and your own decisiveness would be great. Freedom Program?

Good luck with your new life.

makingmammaries · 21/10/2018 17:00

I think it would be daft to spend 10x what you will be keeping in savings on a sofa. I wanted a nice leather sofa too, then thought about how annoyed I’d be if my kids wrecked it, and managed to buy a set of two great leather sofas second hand. The kids are on them all the time and I don’t have to worry about them getting damaged (which they haven’t, so far). But OP, most purchases don’t bring happiness - I don’t advise spending 2K.