Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby and mum has flu

132 replies

Stars1979 · 21/10/2018 14:01

I have flu, do feel marginally better today in that I don’t want to die but getting up out of bed makes me really dizzy and I’ll. I have no energy or strength and can’t eat much. Stupidly being in bed so much has aggravated my back which is making me feel worse.

I have an energetic 8 month old. Husband has done all the caring since Friday and been so good. Baby went back to sleep at 7am after a feed this morning after waking at 5 so I looked after her for a hour. So my husband could catch upon sleep. It was so hard and I was sweating from fever. He now wants to meet his brother for a coffee and asked me take over so he can go. He is asking me this as I’m lying inbed. I said I really didn’t have the energy and maybe he could take baby with him. He said you could look after her for an hour and a half and walked off. This made me cry as I want to be with my baby but I don’t even have the energy to get up and pee. I understand he probably wants a break but I’m still trying to get better so I can look after her tomorrow when he goes to work. I’m really sad, it’s one weekend, his brother could even come here if he wanted, I’m in bed so he won’t get my germs. I think he just wants to go for a coffee and that’s it.

OP posts:
MysteriousQuinn · 21/10/2018 14:07

Wow that's ridiculous! He can't cope for one weekend? He should have taken her with him definitely. It's a bit pathetic tbh. Hope you get well soon Flowers

Bombardier25966 · 21/10/2018 14:07

It's only an hour and a half. Lone parents have no choice about it.

LouisaRossini · 21/10/2018 14:09

That's really tough. I'm sure your DH didn't mean to upset you, but it sounds like he really needs a break.

Hope you feel better soon and don't take this to heart.

MumW · 21/10/2018 14:10

He's being very selfish and should take the baby with him.

wait until he's as ill and leave her with him

GreenLantern53 · 21/10/2018 14:11

what would you do if you was a lone parent or he worked away etc?? i think yabu

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 21/10/2018 14:11

That's horrible. It's going to delay your recovery and potentially pass it on to your baby. As well as not being safe as you will not really be in a fit state to care for her. I know it will be hard for him doing 100pc of the caring but it's not nice bring stuck in bed with the flu either - it's not the cold or just feeling a bit off, it's a serious virus.

I had flu a couple of Christmases ago when we had my husbands relatives visiting. I was in bed for 5 days and completely stayed away fro my 18 month old so she didn't get it. He did 100pc of the care and also looked after relatives and did all the cooking etc (he hates this so I normally do it) as well as looking after me. I've never felt so ill and it's made me pay for the flu jab every year since. I couldn't even get up for a shower. I was grateful to him but would have done the same in reverse and think most people would.

I hope you feel better soon and he apologises

EwItsAHooman · 21/10/2018 14:11

Lone parents have no choice about it.

OP isn't a lone parent though, is she?

He should take the baby with him or not go, I'm sure if the situation was reversed he would expect you to take the baby with you.

MumW · 21/10/2018 14:12

It's only an hour and a half. Lone parents have no choice about it.
But OP isn't a lone parent so she does have a choice - although it should be no choice, Dad steps up.

Jezzifishie · 21/10/2018 14:13

I'm sorry you're feeling so poorly :( I have a nasty cold, as does DH. We've spent this weekend griping at each other about which one of us feels more human at that moment, so they can entertain our 3 year old. I took her out for 5 hours yesterday so he could relax, but I overdid it and feel terrible today. 'But you took her out yesterday, so you're obviously feeling better'... I kicked him out of the house to take her out to the woods for a stomp around. You have my sympathies, hope you feel lots better soon.

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 21/10/2018 14:13

It's only an hour and a half. Lone parents have no choice about it

Comments like this really piss me off. She's not a lone parent, but because other people have it harder her partner should get to go for a coffee and leave his daughter with her poorly mum? What a crock of shit Angry

TulipsInBloom1 · 21/10/2018 14:13

If she was a lone parent she would have to suck it up. She isnt a lone parent. The man has a child he should be considering the wellbeing of the child above all else - he would choose to leave a dependent baby with an incapacitated person?

NonaGrey · 21/10/2018 14:14

It wouldn’t even have occurred to my DH to ask.

He’d either ooo his head round the door to say either:

He was taking the D.C. with him.

Or

His DB was coming round.

Alternatively he’d have quietly cancelled.

WorraLiberty · 21/10/2018 14:15

Daft reply about being a lone parent.

As others have pointed out, she isn't one, so why even mention it?

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 21/10/2018 14:15

And the people saying what would someone do if she was a lone parent - she may well have managed but equally she may well have had to call social services to arrange foster care or get other friends and relatives in to help, as carrying on regardless through flu can hospitalise people.

The point is, she isn't a single parent, and as part of a couple you pick up the slack when the other person can't. Leaving your partner bedridden with flu to look after a baby, just so you can go for coffee, isn't on in my book. The 'what if you were a single parent' argument could be said to him as well!

Original poster
Stars1979 · 21/10/2018 14:16

Yes and tomorrow I will have her along anyway despite how I feel but if he was unwell I wouldn’t push baby on him and go out.

OP posts:
GreenLantern53 · 21/10/2018 14:16

because shes making out like she cant possibly manage her own baby for an hour and a half, ofcourse she can.

MissContrary · 21/10/2018 14:16

Yanbu

On a side note there's kids in Africa who have to walk miles a day to get water, so obviously we should all have do the same too instead of using the tap right there's in the kitchen that's meant to help us.

EwItsAHooman · 21/10/2018 14:17

because shes making out like she cant possibly manage her own baby for an hour and a half, ofcourse she can.

I didn't realise you had personally examined the OP. My apologies, doctor.

GreenLantern53 · 21/10/2018 14:18

yes because lone parents put their kids into foster care when they are sick Hmm no she would suck it up and get on with it. foster care isnt because the parent has a bit of flu. foster care is for very extreme circumstances.

AlphaBravo · 21/10/2018 14:18

He should take the baby but equally is there not a playpen the baby can sit in or a sotmeup seat or her cot for a while? We put ours in 'baby jail' for a little while when we need to get on with housework or something.

WorraLiberty · 21/10/2018 14:18

because shes making out like she cant possibly manage her own baby for an hour and a half, ofcourse she can.

She's not making that out at all. In fact she's already said she'll be having her own baby tomorrow all day, while he goes to work.

Work is necessary, going out for a coffee instead of inviting his brother round is not.

blackteasplease · 21/10/2018 14:20

What would he do if he was a lone parent more like!

LilMy33 · 21/10/2018 14:21

He’s being an arse and should just take the baby out. Loan parents have to manage these things, he can too... Halloween Wink

Hope you feel better soon OP.

Original poster
Stars1979 · 21/10/2018 14:21

Thank you for your get well wishes, I really wanted a bath or shower but felt so awful when I moved, I just plonked myself back in bed. The chills and fever are awful. I’d forgotten what flu is like and yes I think I’ll pay for the vaccine in future. Would hate to pass onto LO. Fingers crossed she doesn’t get it.

OP posts:
Wenttoseainasieve · 21/10/2018 14:21

Well if her DP was a lone parent he'd have to take the baby with him to meet his brother ... it works both ways. But no, it sounds like the poor guy really needs a break, because if OP was a lone parent she'd never get a break. Logic.

YANBU OP