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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Baby and mum has flu

132 replies

Stars1979 · 21/10/2018 14:01

I have flu, do feel marginally better today in that I don’t want to die but getting up out of bed makes me really dizzy and I’ll. I have no energy or strength and can’t eat much. Stupidly being in bed so much has aggravated my back which is making me feel worse.

I have an energetic 8 month old. Husband has done all the caring since Friday and been so good. Baby went back to sleep at 7am after a feed this morning after waking at 5 so I looked after her for a hour. So my husband could catch upon sleep. It was so hard and I was sweating from fever. He now wants to meet his brother for a coffee and asked me take over so he can go. He is asking me this as I’m lying inbed. I said I really didn’t have the energy and maybe he could take baby with him. He said you could look after her for an hour and a half and walked off. This made me cry as I want to be with my baby but I don’t even have the energy to get up and pee. I understand he probably wants a break but I’m still trying to get better so I can look after her tomorrow when he goes to work. I’m really sad, it’s one weekend, his brother could even come here if he wanted, I’m in bed so he won’t get my germs. I think he just wants to go for a coffee and that’s it.

OP posts:

Original poster

Stars1979 · 21/10/2018 14:40

Oh dear I’m sorry to have created upset. Thank you for your well wishes...going to close my eyes x

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 21/10/2018 14:40

GreenLantern if you were so ill you couldn't look after your 8 month old baby and had literally no support, you'd either have to choose short term foster care or let it die....

cheesemongery · 21/10/2018 14:41

because shes making out like she cant possibly manage her own baby for an hour and a half, ofcourse she can.

If it is proper flu, then no she can't. I guess you are one of these people who had a cold and calls it flu.

I as a lone parent had flu when my son was 4 months old, I could not even get him out of the cot. My stepdad had to take a week off work to look after him. By day 5 I could sit downstairs for an hour, by day 7 I could make it to the GP who said yup, you've had flu.

It's fucking horrible.

CountessVonBoobs · 21/10/2018 14:41

When I had flu, real flu, I did absolutely nothing but lie still in bed with my eyes closed. Sitting up was out of the question. All childcare was done by DH and my nanny. I forced myself to get up and refill my water glass once a day, but only because I knew I really had to. When I was able to crawl out of bed, I had lost 5kg in 5 days. Real flu is a serious illness that can kill healthy adults. You can't just "power through".

OP INBU. He should have taken the baby, or not gone.

cheesemongery · 21/10/2018 14:42

Although on the other hand if it was proper flu you wouldn't be able to post on mumsnet, let alone be thinking about bothering to post on mumsnet.

Nicknacky · 21/10/2018 14:43

greenlantern Did I say it was a babysitting service?

GreenLantern53 · 21/10/2018 14:45

Ive been a LP for years now yet have never placed any of my children in care, nor has any other LP i know and most dont have support.

Are you saying foster care is for children whose parent is sick with flu?? foster care is for extreme circumstances like a child being removed from parents or parent in hospital not because you fancy a break because your abit under the weather. if op was that bad she wouldnt be sat on MN.

Willow789 · 21/10/2018 14:46

@Stars1979 it's not you don't worry. I hope you feel better soon. Your thread just seems to have attracted the attention of somebody who believes that just because she has managed to raise 4 children alone means that everybody who has a partner can raise their children with no problems whatsoever

Willow789 · 21/10/2018 14:47

@GreenLantern53 oh are you a lone parent? I hadn't realised.

Nicknacky · 21/10/2018 14:49

greenlantern You are clearly a bit thick so I will try to help you out. I didn't say my kids would go to foster care, but yes there is options when parents are unable to care for kids for a short time.

Like I said I would have had no option but to have called them and asked for whatever help they could give me. My kids wouldn't have been safe while I was so ill.

TotHappy · 21/10/2018 14:49

I feel a bit like you op although today my h has stepped up. I had thoracic surgery three weeks ago and was signed off for three weeks. However I'm part time and couldn't get signed off from looking after our daughter at other times, obviously. I can't do housework or lifting or much. My dad has been coming round every morning, washing up and doing a bit of cleaning for me.
On Friday DH took a day off sick as he has a cold. So I took DD out. I just felt extremely that his 'off sick' meant he couldnht parent but my off sick meant I just didn't go into the office. There's still a whiff about him 'helping you're as you're the 'main carer's and now he feels he's 'helped' enough and deserves HIS time off. He's in the wrong and I hope you and DD are ok.

EwItsAHooman · 21/10/2018 14:49

Although on the other hand if it was proper flu you wouldn't be able to post on mumsnet, let alone be thinking about bothering to post on mumsnet.

Yes she could be able to post on MN. My mum had flu, lab test confirmed, and managed to drive herself to work 10 miles away. She did two hours of her shift before realising she was probably too poorly to be there, drove 10 miles home, then rang me to say "er ... I feel a bit ill, love". By the time I got round there she was lying in bed playing bloody Candy Crush of all things on her phone. She felt okay-ish if she was lying down, poorly of course and hot/shivery but it was manageable. If she tried to sit up then she became so dizzy and her head hurt so much that she would be moaning in pain, when it got to the point where she couldn't go to the loo without vomiting due to pain and dizziness and she passed out in the bathroom, she ended up in hospital which is where it was confirmed as flu.

blackteasplease · 21/10/2018 14:50

When I had proper flu I couldn't move an small object that was on my bed to the side table. That's how much it can affect you.

Beesandfrogsandfleas · 21/10/2018 14:51

I had to cancel a holiday that was very important to me last year because of flu. Real flu is horrendous. This year I paid for the jab.

GreenLantern53 · 21/10/2018 14:51

And how traumatising would it be for a child to be placed in care for a week with strangers. i dont believe ss would put a child in foster care anyway because their mum has flue

Xenadog · 21/10/2018 14:52

OP, I hope your DH catches the flu from you. When he does, make sure he’s left to look after the dc for an hour and half as you need the break. He sounds pathetic. I hope you feel better soon and tbh I’d be planning time away with friends when you’re better and leaving him to step up for a good length of time - he clearly needs the practice!

WorraLiberty · 21/10/2018 14:56

@GreenLantern53 oh are you a lone parent? I hadn't realised.

Yeah she really should mention it more often because who knew?

cheesemongery · 21/10/2018 14:56

Your post makes no sense Hooman - so she had flu and ended up in hospital.

Obviously that was in the latter stages.

Like I said, somebody with proper flu - i.e full blown, not a mild dose, not a cold, not suffering after a jab would not be posting on mumsnet.

Your Mum was coming down with the flu and then it hit her.

Quartz2208 · 21/10/2018 14:56

Some posters have clearly never had the flu - neither clearly has your DH

He is being awful OP

Rebecca36 · 21/10/2018 14:56

It's all very well people saying, "If you were a lone parent...", but the point is the op is not a lone parent and has the right to expect support from her husband. There's no reason to resent that just because some people don't have it.

Influenza is a horrible illness, I feel very sorry for her but hopefully by now her husband is back home again and there were no major mishaps while he was out.

EwItsAHooman · 21/10/2018 14:58

Like I said, somebody with proper flu - i.e full blown, not a mild dose, not a cold, not suffering after a jab would not be posting on mumsnet.

"Proper" flu doesn't floor everyone, individual people react to the virus in individual ways. The unpredictability of how it will affect someone is what makes it so dangerous.

WorraLiberty · 21/10/2018 14:58

And how traumatising would it be for a child to be placed in care for a week with strangers. i dont believe ss would put a child in foster care anyway because their mum has flue

Fucking hell, it's like pulling teeth...

Yes. They. Would. If. It. Meant. The. Lone. Parent. Was. Too. Sick. With. Flu. To. Cope.

EwItsAHooman · 21/10/2018 14:59

Even with a mild case of flu, I wouldn't feel confident in sole charge of an infant and if OP is on her own with the baby tomorrow then she should definitely be resting today.

cheesemongery · 21/10/2018 14:59

It was told to me by GP - the diagnoses of flu...

somebody puts a free £50 note on the floor in front of you and you simply don't have the strength to get it.

I couldn't have typed with flu - the aches and pains go all the way to your fingers. You can't read, you can't watch anything, it is just pretty much laying still eyes closed whimpering.

EwItsAHooman · 21/10/2018 15:00

somebody puts a free £50 note on the floor in front of you and you simply don't have the strength to get it.

It's a myth and is widely disregarded in medical practice.

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