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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby and mum has flu

132 replies

Stars1979 · 21/10/2018 14:01

I have flu, do feel marginally better today in that I don’t want to die but getting up out of bed makes me really dizzy and I’ll. I have no energy or strength and can’t eat much. Stupidly being in bed so much has aggravated my back which is making me feel worse.

I have an energetic 8 month old. Husband has done all the caring since Friday and been so good. Baby went back to sleep at 7am after a feed this morning after waking at 5 so I looked after her for a hour. So my husband could catch upon sleep. It was so hard and I was sweating from fever. He now wants to meet his brother for a coffee and asked me take over so he can go. He is asking me this as I’m lying inbed. I said I really didn’t have the energy and maybe he could take baby with him. He said you could look after her for an hour and a half and walked off. This made me cry as I want to be with my baby but I don’t even have the energy to get up and pee. I understand he probably wants a break but I’m still trying to get better so I can look after her tomorrow when he goes to work. I’m really sad, it’s one weekend, his brother could even come here if he wanted, I’m in bed so he won’t get my germs. I think he just wants to go for a coffee and that’s it.

OP posts:
diddl · 21/10/2018 15:00

You husband is a selfish arse imo.

He needs a break-from what?

2 days of parenting??

Of course he should have taken the baby or invited his brother to the house.

AntiHop · 21/10/2018 15:01

In your situation I'd resort to YouTube. I had a horrendous infection (don't think it was flu as I was better with a week) when dd was a similar age. I could barely move.

Dp works from home and looked after dd as much as he could, but he had some meetings. The only way I managed was putting nursery rhymes on YouTube to keep her busy whilst I slept. I put the phone in her cot which was by my bed and put her on the bed next to me. So she could see it but not reach it.

megletthesecond · 21/10/2018 15:02

Yanbu.

This sort of shit is part of the reason why I kicked XP out.

Willow789 · 21/10/2018 15:03

@WorraLiberty unbearable aren't they 

Beesandfrogsandfleas · 21/10/2018 15:03

So flu is simultaneously something you can soldier on through while minding a baby, and also something that prevents you from raising your mobile and typing something on mumsnet.

CaptainBrickbeard · 21/10/2018 15:10

The £50 note thing is absolute bollocks.

Someone can be too ill to look after a baby but not too ill to be on Mumsnet for ten minutes.

Green Lantern is a troll and an idiot and people shouldn’t waste time responding to it.

OP’s husband has behaved like a selfish dick and should look after the baby, just like he’d have to if he was a lone parent!

BertramKibbler · 21/10/2018 15:10

I made a sarcy response in reply to Nona because hearing how helpful her husband is really isn’t going to help OP who is really poorly and struggling. Quite nasty of her in a way

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 21/10/2018 15:11

I'm the guilty party that brought up the foster care comment originally. I didn't mean people who've got a cold put their kids in foster care while they recover at home! I was making the point that while most people are OK with flu, some people, including young and healthy people can die. Flu kills. It can lead to complications and people can and do end up in hospital with the flu. If it comes to that (not an suggesting it will in this case at all) I don't think anyone would be able to take their four kids in with them! Foster care would therefore be a last resort in these circumstances

Again I shouldn't have brought it up as not really relevant to OPa situation but I wasn't trying to imply single parents can call on that whenever they want help and are feeling poorly! Sorry!

Original poster
Stars1979 · 21/10/2018 15:11

Update...he just left for coffee taking the baby and apologised. I know his brother will be delighted to see baby anyway. Thank you for your support. You so want to do it all but your body says no sometimes.

OP posts:
thereallochnessmonster · 21/10/2018 15:13

But OP is not a single parent! Dh should have taken the baby. He’s being selfish. What, he can’t manage his own dc for a weekend? But he could be a single dad...

HeyThoughIWalk · 21/10/2018 15:13

The "lone parents manage" thing is a red herring. I have a friend who's on her own with 2 DC, and if she's ill we all rally round to help because we know she needs it.

On the other hand, if a friend asked me to help out because her husband wanted to go out with his brother, I'd be less inclined to drop everything...

And yes, it's not common, but children can be placed in temporary emergency foster care round here if a parent is ill (I have a friend who provides such care). It's usually used if the parent is in hospital, but can happen in cases where they're just too ill at home.

GreenLantern53 · 21/10/2018 15:13

im not being funny but op said she would be looking after the baby all day tomorrow so she obviously IS capable. so why cant she do it for an hour and a half today??

thereallochnessmonster · 21/10/2018 15:13

Opps, x-posted. Good job!

GreenLantern53 · 21/10/2018 15:16

thats the point though, children are placed in foster care in extreme cases like when parent is hospitalised. op obviously isnt that sick as she is on MN and will be looking after her baby alone tomorrow Confused

BertramKibbler · 21/10/2018 15:16

Pleased to hear it OP

Branleuse · 21/10/2018 15:16

If HE was a lone parent he wouldnt be able to dump baby and go off for a coffee

nicenewdusters · 21/10/2018 15:16

done all the caring.....and been so good

There's your problem, right there. He hasn't been good, he's not doing you a favour, he's looking after his child.

Do you think he'll say to his work colleagues tomorrow that you're being so good, doing all the caring, although you've got flu ? Of course not. He'll be saying what a hero he's been all weekend, helping you out, and that he only had time for a quick coffee with his brother.

Why isn't he taking the day off ? What are his plans to "help you" tomorrow? Cooking, shopping, cleaning - or just holding the fort?

Massive sympathies for your flu. In my experience it made pneumonia feel like a slight cold. When you're up and about I'd have a think about how he sees your role in all this.

GabsAlot · 21/10/2018 15:17

good for him op rest up

the vaccine doesnt guarantee you wont ever get flu btw

LilMy33 · 21/10/2018 15:18

Poor OP came and asked a simple question which is basically “is my husband a selfish arsehole because he won’t take care of our baby while I have flu, even though I do the lions share right now” and her thread is now awash with debates about:
Lone parenting (which is a total non issue as she’s not a lone parent)
Whether temporary foster care is available for children of lone parents who get too ill to take care of their children (it is)
What counts as flu (there’s loads of different flu viruses and some are worse than others).

Original poster
Stars1979 · 21/10/2018 15:18

Because he will be at work tomorrow and there isn’t a choice but he has a choice today, blimey GreenLantern what sort of friend would you be? I’ve never met anyone like you. Admittedly about the posting but I did say I felt a bit better today but my back was aggravated, yesterday I just wanted to die. I’m in bed, I stink, the room stinks, getting up for a wee leaves me feeling I want to pass out or be sick. My head is pounding and my throat is killing not to mention the chills and the interchanging with fever, pls if you had someone else to look after your baby in this situation that loved you and your baby you would hope they would would you?

OP posts:
nicenewdusters · 21/10/2018 15:19

Glad to read your update OP. It shouldn't have taken your tears and upset to make him do the right thing.

MonsterTequila · 21/10/2018 15:21

I’m sorry, I’m going to go against the majority here & agree with Green.
My DS has ASD (with limited communication) & when I had the flu I just managed, because I had to. I also get frequent horrific migraines where I’m projectile vomiting & it’s difficult but you deal with it. I think the OP is massively overreacting about an hour and a half.

Original poster
Stars1979 · 21/10/2018 15:22

Ah yes nicenewdusters you may have a point there! Things have moved a long way from what they were but yes I probably need to consider what you are saying. Back to work soon so everything will change then.

OP posts:
BertramKibbler · 21/10/2018 15:23

We all manage when we have to but today the OP doesn’t have to. She has a fit an able husband who doesn’t have anything important to do that can’t be done without the baby as he’s now shown by taking the baby with him. Why should she manage with the baby at home when it’s father could look after it with no bother?

nicenewdusters · 21/10/2018 15:24

Ignore GreenLantern. Can't bear lone parents who boast about the day they got run over, their house burnt down, but they STILL got all their kids to school and cooked a roast dinner that evening.

And I am a lone parent. Just not one who needs to tell everyone how amazing I am, and who's waiting for my medal in the post (ps it's not on its way !)