To not feed my kids 3 meals a day?

[GunpowderGelatine]

If I feed my kids 3 meals a day, they just don't eat all of what I make them (they are 5 and almost 2). I loathe wasting food, and they probably leave about a whole meals worth altogether if I feed them 3 times a day. I usually give them a little something for breakfast, like half an apple - or if they're not hungry when they wake up they'll have something mid-morning - then the odd little snack through the day and then a full meal at dinner time. They're hungry enough by then that they'll eat it all. They never complain of being hungry and rarely ask for food.

Similarly I never have breakfast in just never hungry in a morning, I always wait til lunchtime.

AIBU to think that, for some, 3 meals a day is excessive?

I imagine it will aaaaall change come teenage years 

There are clearly psychological issues here. Why can’t you at least consider them?

With who, me?

As I've just said, you need to eat breakfast with your children and be a good role model.
Excuse the bold but I don't think you're on receive. Your children need breakfast and its your duty as a parent to show them how to sit down and eat properly, not just grab some fruit.

I can appreciate that different people have very different appetites but unless your children are quite small and not very active that does seem - at least from the info so far - a bit lacking. Though perhaps I have misunderstood.

If it helps, my 3 yo is 75th centile for height, 50th centile for weight, and is physically pretty active (we have animals and are quite outdoorsy plus we do more active toddler groups eg football/dance/soft play most days as those hold her attention better). In a day she would typically have:

• c150ml whole milk first thing
• either porridge (made with whole milk and served with fruit eg half a banana or a handful of blueberries) or toast (one slice, wholemeal, usually with peanut butter and sliced apple). Water to drink.
• mid morning snack - eg carrot sticks with hummus or cucumber sticks and a babybel: water to drink again.
• lunch - either soup and a roll or pasta and veg (peas, carrots and soya beans are favourites) or a sandwich - usually ham salad - served with a handful of lower salt crisps or popcorn, veg sticks and a yogurt. Dilute juice. Might have something like homemade flapjack after.
• veg sticks (usually peppers and cucumber) mid afternoon. Water or dilute juice. Occasionally might have a piece of fruit or dried fruit or some popcorn instead.
• dinner is whatever we are all having as a family so might be a beef stew, or veg curry with dhal and chapattis, or chicken breast with new potatoes and salad, then often a pudding, often something like fruit and yogurt or sorbet or baked apple and custard.
• milk before bed.

We make most things from scratch (well, tbh, I don’t personally - DH does...) and DD seems happy and healthy. Your DC may also be happy and healthy - but definitely sounds like they are eating rather a lot less than my DD. That might be right if they are less active, but equally could mean they are going a bit short, you’re best placed to make that call.

@PrincessTwilightStoleMyToddler 5yo DD is small, always has been since she was a newborn, she's the smallest in her class. But I think that's genes from her short arse father's side than anything else. She's had her height and weight checks and all is good.

Almost 2yo DS is the opposite - he's the size DD was when she was 3, a little brute. Like I say he used to eat like a horse and I had a very different routine but breaking his elbow really knocked him for six and he seemed to replace food with breastmilk. He's feeding from me more now than he was in the summer! Which is why I'm not too concerned for him as he's getting his nutrition, calories etc from me as well as food.

I think the lack of breakfast is most worrying, particularly for the elder child that is going to school. My SIL was a deputy head at a primary school in a deprived area where lots of the kids came in without breakfast (in that case it was 100% down to lazy parents, who often didn't even get up before the kids went to school). She set up a free breakfast club (Greggs the Bakers donate all their left over bread to schools like that) and said she noticed a big difference in the alertness and capacity for learning in those that came and ate. I don't have statistics, but it makes perfect sense to me that you use up your energy and nutrients while sleeping for 8 hours and need to top them up in the morning.

I agree that a lot of children are fat and over fed nowadays, but these in this thread don't sound anywhere near over fed. OP what happens at mealtimes when they don't want to eat? Do you try and make them stay at the table and eat something, or are they allowed to get down quite quickly?

A piece of fruit IS a breakfast X

I know you say you don’t have issues with food, but to me when someone uses words like pigging and troughing to describe everyday eating, that screams issues with food.

Also you needn't worry about the kids going grey @MrsMaisel they are mixed race and a lovely colour

OP what happens at mealtimes when they don't want to eat? Do you try and make them stay at the table and eat something, or are they allowed to get down quite quickly?

I ask them to eat more but I don't pressure them. I don't want to be a parent who forces an upset child to eat when they're not hungry. I know often they'll want to leave and do something more interesting but I can usually tell the difference between this and genuinely not being hungry.

When they have apple for breakfast it is at the table, not 'on the go'.

Please go to your gp and ask for a basic check.

If a two year old is drinking lots of milk (human or cow) and not eating much (because they are full from the milk) they often end up with iron deficiencies as the calcium blocks iron uptake.

I’m not criticising you. People sometimes don’t know that milk is not actually a complete meal replacement after the age of 1.

I know you say you don’t have issues with food, but to me when someone uses words like pigging and troughing to describe everyday eating, that screams issues with food.

It's tongue in cheek (troubling being a reference to pig, I was trying to be believer).
I appreciate everyone's concern re the armchair diagnoses, but with respect I know quite well, and if you did too you would know I've never had an issue with food, I am a healthy weight and eat well. I should probably have less chocolate and more fruit, but I hardly think that constitutes an eating disorder.

@DustOffYourHighestHopes I do know the breastmilk is supplementary, I'm not an idiot, but yes ideally I'd like him feeding off me less and eating food more. But again, I don't want to pressure him or deprive him of breastmilk, we are getting there albeit slowly

I would worry about that non-breakfast. It's so important, especially when they are at school. Can you cut out the snacks and try to encourage them to eat more at mealtimes? My two like to cook - sometimes we make banana pancakes with blueberries for breakfast, or they like porridge and maple syrup. Sometimes just cereal if we're short of time but at least they eat. I have to watch snacks with the youngest otherwise he won't eat much at mealtimes.

@GunpowderGelatine fair enough! Tbh as I said you’re best placed to know if your DC are happy and healthy (certainly far better placed than internet randoms!) sounds like they are content and if so then there is unlikely to be an issue, surely?

My youngest (7 months) is currently bf and I swear is currently increasing what he takes not decreasing (we do BLW so at the moment while he enjoys the texture he is eating naff all). He’s an absolute bruiser! 3yo DD probably eats a bit more than some of her friends but as she is a very active child and in no way overweight I am relaxed about that.

OP you could try getting the 5 year old involved in making tasty breakfasts so she would be more keen on eating it. Start watching cooking/baking shows with her and talk about how delicious the foods look and suggest she’s might like to make some tasty food like that too. Then go online and encourage her towards some easy breakfast recipes she can make with your help.

Sounds OK to me. There's nothing magical about having 3 meals a day, it's just a routine that works for most people. Some people work better with a different routine.

That fruit and water based daily intake reads like the sort of thing that female celebrities restrict themselves to in order to stay skinny. What is (borderline) OK for adults is not OK for children. They need more protein and dairy. Don’t worry if they will only eat a little at a time. A little and often is OK so long as they are getting some.

We all know that fruit is good but you’re going too far, filling them up on fruit so they’re not hungry for the other things they need.

The children's food intake equates to one, proper meal in a period of 24 hours.
@Bumblebee39 - one apple, split between two children, is not a breakfast.

YY @PrincessTwilightStoleMyToddler I was really hoping, selfishly, that he'd have gone off breastmilk by now. He still feeds 3 times a night  I'm bloody knackered! But he's a ten tonne tommy. Dunno where it comes from!

See I would almost get on board with what you're saying if it wasn't for

And like I say she does seem to make the effort with food at school, her plate is clearer than many of the other kids most days from what I can see

This is your child at school. Hungry enough to clear the plate more than at home.

You need to offer more food. You're telling us you're not offering the amount of food your kids need. It doesn't matter what you think.

I would expect a child to leave food. It means they're naturally full. You need to give a decent breakfast that isn't half an apple.

@IStandWithPosie that's a good idea, thank you (and I love your username)

With my DC and now with DGC we have cereal for breakfast. Relaxed and chatting. I make a packed lunch for the day which includes morning fruit, lunchtime sandwich or roll, and afternoon fairy cake (and water of course). Wherever we are, we have our food. Evening meal at 5. They can take as long as they like to eat it but they do have to eat something.
Your DC are not eating enough and it's down to you.

Not read whole thread but
If I hadn’t given my DC 3 meals a day at that age their sleeping and waking times would have been all messed up.
3 meals a day is not just about the food. It’s about instilling a routine so that things happen roughly at the same time every day.
This was absolutely key to getting my twins to sleep at the same time when they were toddlers and i believe three meals at about the same time each day is really helpful for young children.

I would offer food every three hours and then let them eat how much they want.
My kids eat breakfast, and often a second breakfast mid-morning, lunch, snack, dinner and then a snack. This is on non-school days, I actually wonder how they survive school days with long gaps between meals. Snacks are usually fruit, sandwiches, toast etc. Very rarely anything sweeter than fruit.
I have an eating disorder but try to eat normal meals when they are at home, I think they seem unaffected by my disordered eating.