To not feed my kids 3 meals a day?

[GunpowderGelatine]

If I feed my kids 3 meals a day, they just don't eat all of what I make them (they are 5 and almost 2). I loathe wasting food, and they probably leave about a whole meals worth altogether if I feed them 3 times a day. I usually give them a little something for breakfast, like half an apple - or if they're not hungry when they wake up they'll have something mid-morning - then the odd little snack through the day and then a full meal at dinner time. They're hungry enough by then that they'll eat it all. They never complain of being hungry and rarely ask for food.

Similarly I never have breakfast in just never hungry in a morning, I always wait til lunchtime.

AIBU to think that, for some, 3 meals a day is excessive?

I imagine it will aaaaall change come teenage years 

I think you should keep feeding them 3 meals a day to keep the structure, or they are going to get into bad eating habits as they get older.

My 5yo is massively picky and will sometimes eat loads (4 weetabix!!) and sometimes eat nothing but it's important to always offer a meal. I hate wasting food too so usually eat the leftovers but I need to keep the routine of 3 meals a day. I don't want them to get into snacking between meals if they get too hungry.

My 2 yo is offered 3 meals and 2 snacks a day- some days he’ll eat all of it, others he’ll eat well in the morning, and progressively less as the day goes on. He’s a grazer, naturally, so I try not to sweat it.

It is annoying when they waste food- but that isn’t a reason not to offer it in the first place- especially not the smallest one.

It sounds like your kids are eating

• half a piece of fruit in the morning

— a snack of a few grapes

• a snack of a bit of yogurt
• dinner

That isn’t healthy, and is the way to establish disordered eating patterns- it’s essentially how I ate when I was on the way to anorexia- not saying that you’re driving your kids to that! But it isn’t a good starting point for healthy eating habits.

So you aren't even giving them 2 meals per day then? At most you're giving them a couple of small pieces of fruit, a small pot of yogurt and an evening meal? I think if you discussed this with a HV they'd be really concerned. Are you not sending your 5 year old to school with lunch?

For those asking, a typical day might be:

When DD isn't at school
1/2 apple when they wake up then clothes on
Grapes mid-morning (and up at the table for snacks)
At lunchtime I'll make us all sandwiches right similar and sometimes they'll have some sometimes they won't. I usually chop up peppers, cucumber and tomatoes, and they might pick at it but might not.
Mid-afternoon, yoghurt or toast. Again they might not fancy anything.
Dinner time we sit down as a family and have a hearty meal - pasta, meat and two veg, etc, followed by fruit and they eat everything.
On weekends they have treats on an evening which they of course gobble up 

Drinks are usually water, sometimes juice, never milk. 2yo DS is still breastfed and feeds quite a lot - even more so since the summer, he broke his elbow and completely went off food for while, and upped his breastmilk intake and he's still kind of off it 

DD gets the choice of a cooked meal or sandwich at school. I see at the dinner most days and from what I can see she eats about half of her food.

They may just have small appetites, I did as a child I ate like a bird. I don't now, I eat like a pig (I just wait until lunchtime for troughing ). They are both healthy weights, and otherwise have a good routine and are very energetic, no matter how much they've eaten

Have you asked the school how much your kids eat when you aren’t around? Do you think your kids had might want to make you ‘happy’ by restricting their intake when you’re around?

My sister did this and was diagnosed with anorexia at 7. You should definitely have a regular meal structure even if it’s 3 small meals, and allow free access to fruit and veg and healthy snacks. I think you might have issues with food and not even realise it.

I honestly think that you all need to sit down to have breakfast together. Haven't read through the whole thread but do you eat breakfast yourself? Because if not then they have no role model. Its really important that they have something in their tummies to start the day, even if its just a toasted hot cross bun or a piece of toast and jam. They'll really struggle with the demands of school as they get older if they don't start the day with breakfast.

Eat breakfast together. Up, washed, dressed then downstairs for breakfast. Something more substantial than half an apple. Eat with them to show them its good fir them. No mid morning snack.

Try different things at lunch. Sandwiches are quite dull even for a toddler!

No afternoon snack.

Dinner as you're doing.

Reassess once they're eating 3 proper meals (ie whether they need snacks).

Hmm if your 5YO is frequently only eating half an apple, a few grapes, a yoghurt and then a normal meal at dinner then that sounds grossly inadequate and I’d be worried. Not blaming you as it sounds like you’re offering lunch and she’s often refusing it but I think it warrants a chat with the GP unless you can find ways to get more calories and nutrients into them. 2YO is a different matter if they’re still breastfeeding but it might still be worth bringing up with the health visitor.

I have a 3 year old. I tend to do slightly smaller portions but with snacks.

So breakfast will be - small bowl of cereal, banana

Snack of grapes or blueberries

Lunch - couple of buttered crackers, cheese cubes and a yogurt

Snack - pack of raisins or an orange

Then evening meal will be a big portion of spaghetti bolognese or Shephards pie.

DD is small for her age but not through lack of eating - she has days where she picks at food and days where she eats like a pig.

Would it be easier to do similar? I also find DD eats more at Nursery or when I’m with her, not sure why.

allow free access to fruit and veg and healthy snacks. I think you might have issues with food and not even realise it.

I definitely don't. I know this is MN but not everything is down to a disorder of some sort. I just don't eat breakfast myself and have a food routine that suits my children better. We have a fruit bowl they can grab food from it whenever they like (but rarely do)

@namechangedtoday15 it's not sandwiches every day, that was just an example. But yes good idea about sitting down for breakfast, because I don't eat it I never sit down, I'm usually faffing on with something or other in a morning and on my own (DH usually works very early in the morning) so it always seems like there's something else to do than feed myself!

DD also has fruit snack in morning and afternoon at school, which I know she does eat, accompanied by water

And like I say she does seem to make the effort with food at school, her plate is clearer than many of the other kids most days from what I can see

YY @CatLadyToddlerMother my DS seems to eat more at nursery. I'm probably just a shit cook 

Sounds impoverished. Try boiling an egg for breakfast and making some veggie soup or pasta for lunch then meat and veggies for dinner. It’s not that hard but I guess you have to have the will to do someone more demanding than make a sandwich and cut up a cucumber.

I think you need to offer more food.

Today my 14mo ate:
6am bf
7am cereal
8am toast and scrambled egg
mid-morning snack small yogurt + 1/2 banana
lunch - chicken curry, rice and a small corn on the cob
3pm bf
dinner - small bowl lamb keema, rice, and courgette, custard
7pm bf

they have small tummies but large energy demands - mine need to be fed small but often.

Sounds impoverished

Ok then hun.

It’s not that hard but I guess you have to have the will to do someone more demanding than make a sandwich and cut up a cucumber

Ugh, shove your passive aggressive twatiness. If you don't agree with me then fair enough but no need for wanky smug comments.

As your toddler is still breastfeeding, I wouldn’t worry about their diet. I’d suggest you try offering your 5-year-old more calorie-dense foods if you’re concerned about their intake eg peanut butter or full fat cheese. You can also try offering their drinks after they’ve eaten rather than with their food, in case they’re filling up on liquids. x

I personally would be very concerned that both of your kids eat more away from you than they do with you. It’s more than you being a bad cook - kids get used to their mum’s cooking eventually. There are clearly psychological issues here. Why can’t you at least consider them?

I love a post when the OP doesn't get the reaction they expected and gets irate about it

Stop the snacks and make them a proper breakfast. 5yo children need between 1200-1600 calories per day, the top end if they’re more active. I know appetites can be different, but this shouldn’t continue really, they’re not getting enough. My kids would be howling on that diet.

That’s nice dear. I’ll be thinking of your poor grey children sucking on their half an apple when I’m making scrambled eggs for the dog in the morning .

OP I agree that MN usually goes off at the deep end and disorder is a strong word, but I think we all project our routines / what suits us and children pick up on that.

Example - heard my 10yr old say to her friend that she'd never had tuna. Her friend was like "what? Never?" and she said "No, my mum hates it so i dont think i'd like it either". I have never offered it as I can't bear to have it in the house, but never realised she'd have picked up on that as she did, can't remember ever speaking about it. I just say that to suggest that children pick up on everything, so if you don't eat breakfast / don't sit down to eat, subconsciously they may think it's not important.

I love a post when the OP doesn't get the reaction they expected and gets irate about it

I'm not irate because people don't agree with me, I'm annoyed at the pointless hysterical posts people have posted clearly to make themselves feel superior. Lie I say I think it's fair enough if posters don't agree with me but there's no need to be a PA twat about it 🤷‍♀️

I’ll be thinking of your poor grey children sucking on their half an apple when I’m making scrambled eggs for the dog in the morning



Enjoy your eggy dog farts