Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not buy ds1 a games console for Christmas

333 replies

caitlinohara · 20/10/2018 12:50

Ds1 will be nearly 12 at christmas but we are still holding out on this. My reason being - I do not want to live in a family where the kids are glued to computer games and I do not trust them to limit themselves to a sensible amount of game time (learned from experience of having a Wii). Ds1 thinks I am BU and has just gone and slammed a door about it. Apparently EVERYONE else in the world has Fortnite. It has got to the point now where he is saying he can't have friends round because there is 'nothing to do that they will like'. To clarify: we have a drum kit, a pool table and a garden to play in so I don't buy this at all, I think he is being spoilt. He has a tablet and a mobile phone but they have screen limits on them. I know he is never going to stop asking. AIBU.

OP posts:
HingleMcCringleberry · 23/10/2018 08:55

therealbatman that’s very kind! I admit when I first read the thread I was all prepared to say the OP is being unbelievably unreasonable. But once it became clear it was not an anti-tech thing but an I don’t trust my child not to abuse it thing, it all seemed pretty sensible.

No one’s looking to make their kid miserable at school by not having cultural touchstones. If he wants to take part in Fortnite, he can watch YouTube videos on his iPad, it’s not like he’s banned from anything in the 21st Century.

ProfessorMoody · 23/10/2018 08:58

My kid plays games and still manages to be very individual. What a bizarre comment Confused

HestiasHauntedHandbag · 23/10/2018 09:30

The posts that make my eyes roll on mn are when parents of 4 year olds are adamant that their child won’t have screens or games consoles or anything other than a brick phone and will be doing much more worthy activities all the time.
It’s a bit like when you first have a baby you are sure you’ll only have wooden toys, nothing plastic, and your baby will only ever eat organic food and dress in gender-neutral clothing .... Grin

RedSkyLastNight · 23/10/2018 10:22

The posts that make my eyes roll on mn are when parents of 4 year olds are adamant

... and also the posts (and there are some on here) where parents of (say) 5 year olds chip in on a thread about older children and say that their DC has a console and they are only allowed 30 minutes a day or some such. Because parenting a 5 year old is exactly like parenting a 12 year old Hmm ...

NanFlanders · 23/10/2018 10:23

I think you are being unreasonable. Perfectly possible to set time limits.

R3ALLY · 23/10/2018 10:35

Just want to give you some support really. I was / am totally against consoles too - we have two DS 9 and 6 and haven't got them any electronic games yet. THey do have access to Netflix and Youtube on the main house TV. All I ever hear from other parents is 'I wish I could get them to turn them off!' so I figured, why start in the first place? We also told him he had to be able to read fluently before he got one and he's a great reader now. However I am now seeing with the 9 year old that the friends are talking about games constantly and they are playing them in other people's houses and he is missing out on an element of socialising. So we are probably going to get him something for Christmas, however I won't let him play games online at this stage. I don't like the idea of Fortnite and kids playing with others online, I worry about bullying, or worse. So he's probably getting a DS with strict time controls. He'll also have to play it out of reach of his little brother as he's not getting one any earlier! Honestly, it has been a real dilemma - I'm straight up addicted to my phone and trying to wean myself off it so hate the idea of more screens, also both myself and DH work with tech so are very aware of the issues. But I'm trying to find a middle way. Hope it works out for you - we are all trying to do our best in our own ways!!

ProfessorMoody · 23/10/2018 10:38

Exactly Hestias.

And it's strange how these parents truly believe they're perfect by depriving children of technology and games when it's such a big part of life now.

By 2050, 30% of our jobs will have switched to automation. Many jobs will be in tech, where people are employed to program and take care of robots.

The children that have been able to live with a balance of tech and other activities, and have an interest in tech, brought up on things like Minecraft, coding, collaborative gaming etc are going to have such an advantage.

twosoups1972 · 23/10/2018 10:45

I don’t really see an issue of it being a child’s only interest or hobby

What about sport/exercise? I wonder how children who have been at school all day and then play on games consoles in the evenings/weekends manage to do enough exercise to keep them fit.

bumblebee39 · 23/10/2018 10:57

I don't think it's an unreasonable thing to say they'll only be allowed a certain amount of time whatever age DCs are.

Mine will have the same rule I did as they do now, 30 mins max weekdays, console/device an hour at weekends. With flexibility for a family film night, movie day if it's raining/ everyone's ill and no TVs in bedrooms.

As a teenager my screen time upped to allow me more time to do homework (social media and download music more like...)

I think it is important to set standards even if you deviate from them.

I also think technology is an important and inevitable part of our children's lives and worlds and futures.

There is a balance....

Puzzledandpissedoff · 23/10/2018 10:58

it's strange how these parents truly believe they're perfect by depriving children of technology and games when it's such a big part of life now

For me, this is when it all starts to get a bit silly. I didn't think anyone, from any side of this, had suggested they're perfect - only that they're trying to do the right thing for the child they know best

I also wish I understood the thing about "outcasts" better. If it's true, as we're constantly told, that gaming kids have loads of other interests as well, surely that leaves plenty of scope for those without to socialise with them on other things? And if it isn't true, and some are interested in nothing but those games, are they really the best sort of friends for a more rounded child to have?

ProfessorMoody · 23/10/2018 10:58

My DS does the Daily Mile every day in school, plays a sport hobby one evening a week and for two hours on a Saturday and we walk the dog and visit the park/Country Park, go on days out together on a Sunday. He also has PE in school and many children do more than this plus walk to and from school.

He still manages to find time to play games, do homework, crafty stuff, watch TV etc, because there are many hours in a day.

ProfessorMoody · 23/10/2018 11:01

Puzzled, I wasn't necessarily talking about anyone specific on this thread, though the same names pop up with their ridiculous comments about gaming.

When my DS isn't playing games, he is doing other hobbies so is socialising with a different group of children. When he's gaming, he's often playing with school friends, their friends and now and again, family members across the globe.

There are different circles of friends and different ways to socialise. Gaming is just one of them, but very handy for evenings, rainy days etc when he wouldn't be out and about anyway.

Albatross26 · 23/10/2018 11:04

This is really interesting reading -I'm not a parent and I have to say issues like this make me doubly glad I'm not! It must be difficult whatever your stand point.
I have however worked in secondary schools for ten years and the issues caused by screens/gaming/social media have absolutely rocketed in the last few years. It's all well and good if kids have parents who limit this stuff but an awful lot don't, or are sneaky enough to get round it. I haven't seen anything positive come from kids use of games and screens, all they seem to do is cause arguments. I'm sure people are right and we need our young people to be tech savvy but I do worry about the impact it's all having on young brains

bumblebee39 · 23/10/2018 11:05

I can't imagine it being my DCs only outlet to game though. That seems like a sad situation when there are so many wonderful extra curricular activities that don't cost the world.

I would buy DC a bike instead but them I'm an arsehole advocate of outside time.... I would also look at second hand console and allow some time if I could afford both.

I do understand it's hard though sometimes, I mean my DC will spend their lives in breakfast and after school club, nursery etc. So that I can work/study/keep a roof over all our heads and I know they will probably be using consoles/watching movies/eating chicken nuggets too much in my absence because not all wrap around school care is a high standard (although I'll do my best)

I also know that it's hard for people (especially without cars) to take kids to lots of extra curriculars, but one or two can be a helpful outlet and mean they have outside friends etc. So it's worth the effort if you can find something DC don't hate too much enjoy...

Do what's right for your family OP but it does seem unusual that that would be DCs only extra curricular activity.

Also, do you have a computer or could you get a laptop? This would give DC much better skills than a console alone and also be a place to do mine craft homework.

ProfessorMoody · 23/10/2018 11:15

the issues caused by screens/gaming/social media have absolutely rocketed in the last few years

Stats please?

I haven't seen anything positive come from kids use of games and screens

Evidence please? My research shows quite the opposite.

I do worry about the impact it's all having on young brains

Nothing to worry about if it's used well. It has a positive impact on young brains, as research has shown.

Albatross26 · 23/10/2018 11:29

professorMoody apologies should have been more specific, I meant that I've personally seen a huge rise in problems related to gaming and screens n the school I work in -obviously can't speak for across the board. Kids tired and unable to concentrate in lessons due to being on games all night, online arguments carrying on in school, police involvement, bullying, fights relating to what's gone on online in a game.
I know a lot of this is down to parents not regulating these things but it really does seem to be a problem

Puzzledandpissedoff · 23/10/2018 11:42

There are different circles of friends and different ways to socialise. Gaming is just one of them

I totally agree, but the issue I'm trying to understand is the constant claims of exclusion, bullying, being an outcast and so on. If most youngsters are thoroughly rounded, with loads of other interests a less techy kid can share, why on earth should this happen?

And if it's down to some strange subset of bullies who value only one thing and consider anyone who doesn't have it weird, I really do wonder if these are the best to socialise with

ProfessorMoody · 23/10/2018 11:45

I've never come across bullying because a child doesn't have a console, but then I'm in Primary. What I have come across is children feeling extremely left out of conversations, games, discussions etc because they don't have a clue what everyone is talking about.

Also, not every child is well parented, so there are some children who only have a gaming hobby and no others. These children aren't as well rounded so talk about what they know.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 23/10/2018 12:05

I've never come across bullying because a child doesn't have a console

Neither have I, which is why it's perhaps surprising that some are so insistent it will happen

Interestingly though - at least in RL - I've noticed it often comes from those who seem, shall we say, not terribly engaged in parenting

RedSkyLastNight · 23/10/2018 12:26

I've never come across bullying because a child doesn't have a console,

My own experience of a child is that TV was strictly limited in our house, so I was left out of all the conversation about last night's TV programme that everyone watched.
I wouldn't say I was bullied, but after the millionth "really, you're not allowed to watch TV??" type comments you start to feel like you are being.

twosoups1972 · 23/10/2018 14:44

Stats please?

Gaming has been cited as a grievance in divorce cases of late (Sunday Times magazine 21st October).

My view is that gaming is not good for our physical or mental health. A game like Fortnite is designed to be addictive, even with limiting time on the device, I'm sure there must be a change in body chemistry and mood.

ProfessorMoody · 23/10/2018 14:46

That isn't a stat, or a reference.

Are you an expert in that field then, twosoups? I'd be interested to see your research.

Gaming has been fantastic for my mental health marriage and even physical health to a point.

twosoups1972 · 23/10/2018 14:50

No I'm not an expert professor and I don't have any research. Just because it works for you doesn't mean it causes huge problems for others. You only have to read comments on here or talk to people about how gaming has adversely affected family life.

florafawna · 23/10/2018 14:51

Buy or console him Grin

Puzzledandpissedoff · 23/10/2018 15:00

Really interesting article here: www.techaddiction.ca/video_game_addiction_statistics.html