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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not buy ds1 a games console for Christmas

333 replies

caitlinohara · 20/10/2018 12:50

Ds1 will be nearly 12 at christmas but we are still holding out on this. My reason being - I do not want to live in a family where the kids are glued to computer games and I do not trust them to limit themselves to a sensible amount of game time (learned from experience of having a Wii). Ds1 thinks I am BU and has just gone and slammed a door about it. Apparently EVERYONE else in the world has Fortnite. It has got to the point now where he is saying he can't have friends round because there is 'nothing to do that they will like'. To clarify: we have a drum kit, a pool table and a garden to play in so I don't buy this at all, I think he is being spoilt. He has a tablet and a mobile phone but they have screen limits on them. I know he is never going to stop asking. AIBU.

OP posts:
BlueNeighbourhood1 · 21/10/2018 12:58

My cousin who is 8 is getting a Nintendo Switch this year - she wanted one last year but her parents held out and she's adamant she still wants one.

But she does dance, karate, swimming and horse riding so plenty of outdoor activity. It's up to you to regulate his time - I'm 34 and can get lost in a game of Fifa and think it's 10pm when in actual fact it's after midnight! You need to be the parent and regulate his time on it, but to deprive him at the age he is at is pretty mean imo.

davisday · 21/10/2018 13:02

our house brought up the most successful ppl across the neighbourhood cuz my dad didnt buy into the hype!

If you believe this you are not as successful as you think..

PerverseConverse · 21/10/2018 13:47

Having seen the effects of Xbox and PlayStation addiction then I'm with you on this. My 11 year old has never played fortnite and never will here. If you can limit screen time then maybe but nothing wrong with holding out on this. I'd be getting him to save pocket money for one.
Fortnite is just a craze that will die and be replaced by something else.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/10/2018 14:35

He has said he could do running club which is a lunchtime at school and vaguely mentioned hockey at school which is starting after Christmas

He doesn't sound terribly enthusiastic does he? Again on the basis that you know him best, do you feel this is realistic or is he merely saying it to get the gadget?

As you say, balance usually works best, but we all have to work out that balance for our particular child - preferably ignoring nonsense such as "he'll spend his life in therapy" from the can't-say-no kind of parents who insist Fortnite is suitable for seven year olds

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 21/10/2018 15:28

I would get him one, just make sure he stays within the time limits, otherwise you can easily take it away for a time. You can set the time limit on the Xbox one I know for sure, so he couldn't go over the time. As long as there is a balance, why not?

Oswaldspengler · 21/10/2018 15:49

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TurquoiseDress · 21/10/2018 15:56

This thread is really interesting, looking at the arguments for and against.

I've just told DH that he will not be buying a games console for himself and DC1 (age 4) to play with until at least the end of reception year i.e. next summer.

I do not want my 4 year old using a games console- we have a total shitload of toys, puzzles, DVDs, books etc at home.

DH thinks I'm being unfair but I know that if he is playing on the games console, then DC1 will not be far away! I just do not want to go this avenue with our child just yet.

I think at aged 12 it would be reasonable to buy one for him, but it needs to have restrictions/rules of use to prevent it becoming an all consuming addiction!

Fruitloopcowabunga · 21/10/2018 16:20

You are NOT being unreasonable at all, totally with you on this. In fact I could have written this post. DS has phone and ancient wii too, plus access to family ipad. He's desperate for a phone upgrade so he can have Fortnite but am about to persuade him to have a tablet instead as I don't think even a second hand iphone 7 is within reach for us. Yes, his friends mostly seem to have a games console but I also know families who regret buying them as it's a constant fight to get the children away from them. Friends come round and play with lego, play in the garden etc. I have also banned Nerf guns for what it's worth! (After a friend got hit in the eye by a pellet).

Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/10/2018 17:12

I've often wondered how these so called "strict limits" work in practice. Given that so many insist DCs can't possibly be cut off from "what everyone else is doing", what happens when the DC insists - as they certainly will - that something really, really important is happening just when time's up? Wouldn't that be "excluding them" too?

It might be hoped that "another 10 minutes only" may put them off engaging in the next round or whatever, but is that realistic if the child's a bit obsessive, or is it the key to yet more rows?

Cagliostro · 21/10/2018 17:38

It works for us at the moment because my two aren’t interested in fortnite or other games that have the collaborative/chatting online stuff. I will probably have to rethink when they want to do that!

Glazedover · 21/10/2018 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FuzzyShadowChatter · 21/10/2018 18:03

In my house, we're a big gaming family (though none here play Fortnite) - we have a big set up with multiple consoles and the PC hooked into a TV; however, consoles are family items and we don't buy them as presents for the kids. I wouldn't buy one for one child and I wouldn't buy any other electronics or games for a child who has already shown issues with dealing with the rules and finding other things to do. I'm not going to reward bad behaviour and being rude about electronics with getting more of them. I mean, it's all nice so many people saying it's all about balance and setting rules, but if a kid is already struggling and being horrible about what he already has, how is more going to make any of that better in the long-term?

It can be done and it may have benefits - and doing so I would more recommend doing something over a period of time to earn it rather than an Xmas present - but it seems like walking into a trap with things as described.

therealbatman · 21/10/2018 18:23

This is such a depressing post. When I see that parents are basically saying he'll have no friends if he doesn't have the current must have game to talk about then it shows why the children behave this way

Children have far too much screen time and don't develop real social skills any more. Fact based on research not a sweeping generalisation.

Op I sincerely hope you're getting him the must have designer fashion as well as he might get bullied if not. As parents let's all make sure we jump on these bandwagons, follow like sheep and encourage children to have the same as everyone else.

Op how boring your house is with a drum kit, garden and pool!!!!! Why would any young children want to come and play when they've got violent video games at their finger tips!!!!

therealbatman · 21/10/2018 18:25

Oh and what about people who can't afford it should they just accept their children are going to be bullied?

avocadoincident · 21/10/2018 19:41

@therealbatman I totally agree with you

therealbatman · 21/10/2018 19:47

@avocadoincident isn't it very sad when there are much larger issues in the world and a mum can't come on here for some solidarity about a phenomenon that is not only addictive but also damaging to development and social skills! And I'm not saying use of technology is any of these things. Technology is wonderful and should be celebrated but not in the way these obsessions are and to see parents actively enabling these obsessions is quite worrying. Op has said her child has a very obsessive personality so why would she buy into something that's proven to be addictive??

Glazedover · 21/10/2018 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chillpizza · 21/10/2018 19:53

At 12 he likely is one of the only children or a handful of children who don’t have a console shared or anything at home. A lot of communication does go on with school friends with them. My ds even talks to nanny/uncle etc via ours and plays together with them. You as the adult have to put the restrictions in place. My ds has to still read every night, do his homework, help tend to the animals and if his rooms a mess or he starts getting attitude it’s straight off. It’s in the livingroom on a separate tv so completely monitored. They play fifa/mine craft/plants vs zombies etc as multiplayer games while talking. A lot of play dates do seem to involve multi player games and during school. Our school actually run gaming clubs and accept mine craft buildings (photed) as acceptable homework for certain art projects just the same as Lego.

chillpizza · 21/10/2018 19:54

By during school I meant updates/games are talked about.

bumblebee39 · 21/10/2018 19:59

YANBU
However DC will think you are and hate you forever.
Up to you 😂

MemoryOfSleep · 21/10/2018 20:31

I agree with PP who said get a console but it goes under the family TV, not in his room. Then you know how much time he spends on it. Consoles are a few hundred quid, massively expensive for Christmas IMO.

bumblebee39 · 21/10/2018 22:20

Maybe look at a second hand one? X

TheDowagerCuntess · 21/10/2018 22:56

You're being very all or nothing about it.

Just because he has a console, doesn't mean he has to be on it all the time.

And the not wanting to give a gift and then putting restrictions on it is kind of weird.

How do you think the rest of us have dealt with it?

I can't imagine many children have just been given a console, they've probably all been given them as gifts. And there won't be many of us that don't restrict their time on them.

I can't imagine wanting to make it awkward for my DC when their friends are around. We have a basic rule that they can have [x amount of screen time; usually half an hour] when their friends are around - they choose when they have it, and then they can do other playing for the rest of the time.

He does enough active stuff that I'm happy that this is just another 'interest' that he shares with his friends.

converseandjeans · 21/10/2018 23:24

I think you're getting a bit of a hard time on here - loads of parents complain about getting kids off devices.
However I agree with others that pretty much all the other kids will have them & we ended up letting our DS buy a Switch with all his money he had saved. He decided to go halves with DD and they share it. It meant they could buy a couple of games to go with it.
I think the sharing has worked well - they seem to take it in turns. But it means they can't be on it all day. Maybe get one as a family gift and then all 3 can share. Both mine have their own Fortnite profile, so log in and do their own thing. So your younger DSs could just do the games like Mario/Pokemon.
I think lots of youth clubs nowadays have consoles, maybe you can talk him into youth club if he gets to play games there?
My DD who is really quite shy has recently buddied up on Fortnite with a couple of other girls & it's good for her confidence as it gives her something to talk to them about.
As others have said there is a way you can limit time on there - I know some kids in DSs class get extra time if they do well in class and so on. Obviously this is another thing to manage - so a bit of a faff.

NotnOtter · 21/10/2018 23:43

I have 8 kids and we don't have these at all
All kids happy and none have been singled out for it in anything but a bit of banter and as they get mid teen - dare i say some respect
I'm a lone voice but they are really great well rounded kids
Horses for courses I agree and i moan about them talking at me ALL the time about who did what at school but I learned the hard way about consoles and so don't have them now

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