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To shout at 6yo DS for wetting the bed the 4th time in a week

206 replies

Acunningruse · 20/10/2018 09:46

As above. DS has been toilet trained reliably since age 3, and dry at night since age 4. The last few weeks he's been wetting the bed perhaps once a week, last week it was around 3 times and even more this week.
I'm afraid I completely lost it at 2.30am when he wandered in and announced nonchalantly that "I've had a leak mummy" no you haven't had a leak you have weed yourself again!!
What's concerning me is he doesn't seem bothered at all, I would have thought at just turned 6 he would be embarrassed about it.

He seems really happy in all areas, absolutely thriving at school and generally an active happy boy so I'm at a loss as to what's causing it.

Any ideas? At 2.30this morning I threatened to put him in nappies but I really don't want to do this.

OP posts:

harshbuttrue1980 · 21/10/2018 14:26

Its not shouting as such which is wrong, but the reason for the shouting. There is a world of a difference between a parent cracking and shouting at a child who is being deliberately naughty, and shouting at a child for something which isn't their fault.
For the people who are defending the OP - how would you feel if a carer was shouting in this way at an elderly person who has wet the bed in a care home? Or someone who's DH shouts at them for having a period leak on the bed sheet?? I bet you'd all be saying to LTB.
I'm someone who believes that children should be treated in quite a no-nonsense way (I'm a teacher and see the bad effects of parents who faff about and don't discipline their kids), but there is a difference between firm discipline when a child has deliberately broken a rule, and sheer cruelty.


harshbuttrue1980 · 21/10/2018 14:27

To clarify, when I said "cracking", I meant losing your temper, not hitting!


pinklemonade84 · 21/10/2018 15:09

The op didn’t do it to be cruel. She snapped. I’ve been known to shout at my dh if I was tired, and yes I apologised as soon as I realised what I’d done. I’ve even raised my voice and begged dd to go to sleep in the night when she’s woken up and being silly, that in no way makes me a bad parent or that Im emotionally abusing her.

What I’m getting at is this was just one moment where the op snapped out of frustration and tiredness and her response wasn’t called for, but she posted on her for ideas of what to do, not to have people act as though she should have ss called on her for this one episode or people calling her a shit parent!

I don’t think you can compare it to either of those scenarios to be honest. A carer who is employed to do that specific job is obviously in the wrong job if they shouted at the people they were caring for. And yes, if my dh shouted at me for getting blood on the sheet, I’d not be impressed, but I wouldn’t just announce it to him in a nonchalant way, I’d just deal with it and get the sheets washed (I’m in no way suggesting that op’s son just gets up and deals with the wet sheets himself before anyone jumps to that conclusion).


straightjeans · 21/10/2018 16:38

Yeah you are being unreasonable.Get one of those crinkly mattress protectors and get over it. I wet the bed until I was at least 12. My mom never made a fuss and I grew out of it.


MrsGB2225 · 21/10/2018 16:40

Check for diabetes!! This is a classic first symptom


RB68 · 21/10/2018 16:43

Get 2 fabric bed protectors and have spare fitted sheets to hand. I would get them to help stripping the bed and doing the washer in the morning (with good handwashing afterwards etc) so they can see the work it creates. Limit water and go for a wee last thing before sleep. DD wet the bet till around 7 so we were still sleep walking her for a wee at around midnight for ages so its not unusual if all the medical stuff checks out


daughterofanarchy · 21/10/2018 17:45

Haven't read the full thread but my daughter had a regression with this when I was expecting her sibling. She went from completely dry (and had been for over a year) to wetting the bed and herself at nursery. A few weeks after the baby was born she was fine again. Has anything big happened/changed in your lives that may have caused it?


ArsenalsPlayingAtHome · 21/10/2018 18:14

First things first - apologise to him for shouting at him. Explain your reasons (exhausted) but don't excuse them. Admit that you handled it really badly, and your reaction was your fault not his.

Reassure him that you're not cross, and that you understand that he can't help it. I'd be having a chat well before bedtime about anything that might be upsetting him at school. You will have to handle this very sensitively because he will now be anxious about going to bed, because he'll be worried about wetting the bed & making you cross again, even if you try to reassure him.

Trip to the GP as PPs have said.


OhEctoplasmOnIt · 21/10/2018 18:43

Gosh @pinklemonade84 your responses are mind numbing.
It is not that the op snapped, nobody cares about that. It is her reasoning and opinions that are hideous.


pinklemonade84 · 21/10/2018 19:32

@OhEctoplasmOnIt says the person who called someone a shit mum

Her reasoning - because she was tired and had been woken up several times this week for the same reason. Tiredness can cause people to say things they don’t mean

As the op has mentioned this is her eldest, she has nothing to compare this too, so she doesn’t know what to expect. She asked for ideas and some people have just taken it as an opportunity to not add anything constructive and to just pile in and spout unnecessary insults

Whereas the people who have read it for what it is, a mum who came to breaking point, needing suggestions as to what to do, have done so and disagreed with her shouting and her opinion without using insults


OhEctoplasmOnIt · 21/10/2018 22:33

She is though.

No her reasoning was that she thought he was being "nonchalant" and should be bothered and/or embarrassed.


Beelzebop · 22/10/2018 00:37

Yes. Very definitely YABVU


pinklemonade84 · 22/10/2018 06:46

@OhEctoplasmOnIt you can’t realistically come to that conclusion on the op’s first post! It’s posters like you who are there ready to kick someone when they’re already down that stop people coming back to see the constructive advice that they’ve been given

Look at the posts by @Idontbelieveinthemoon and @AnnieAnoniMouse on page 3, just 2 of the several posters who don’t agree with how op handled the situation, but they took the time to write helpful advice rather than spiteful insulting posts!


Acunningruse · 22/10/2018 20:56

Thanks for everyone who took the time to offer useful tips. I hesitated to go to dr as I kept thinking it was just a one off, then a bit of a phase, and didn't want to waste GP time. But it's happening so frequently now it's a concern. Last night he actually got up for a wee around midnight but was still wet this morning 

I had a chat with him, apologised for shouting and explained I was tired and frustrated but I understand it's not his fault and hopefully the dr can help us sort it out.

We have a drs appointment tomorrow morning.

OP posts:

autumnnightsaredrawingin · 22/10/2018 21:00

Absolutely unreasonable to shout over a wet bed, but you know that and have apologised. Very sensible to take him to the dr- my daughter at around the same age started wetting the bed, and was also tired and thirsty- I was panicking about diabetes but she actually had a urine infection. Hope the dr can help.


pinklemonade84 · 22/10/2018 21:14

Op, you have done the right thing getting an appointment booked in with the gp. I hope it goes as well as it possibly can

I’m also glad that you took the time to apologise to your little boy and reassured him xx


MrsGB2225 · 26/10/2018 12:13

How did the doctors go?


Awaytome · 26/10/2018 12:20

My mother used to shove my brother's nose in the wet sheets whilst beating him and telling him how disgusting he was.
The OP is a slight improvement on that particular nastiness, but not really winning at parenting either.
I agree with the poster earlier on who said if he wasn't ashamed before, he sure as hell will be now.
What a nasty woman you are.


Awaytome · 26/10/2018 12:21

And I'd love to know exactly WHAT she shouted at the poor defenceless mite who had to tell 'Mummy' what had happened. I'm sure it's along the lines of what I've heard out of my 'Mummy'.


user1457017537 · 26/10/2018 12:23

You should see a paediatrician because sometimes bed wetting is due to undeveloped valves between the kidneys and bladder


Awaytome · 26/10/2018 12:23

This reply has been deleted

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Awaytome · 26/10/2018 12:24

"You should see a paediatrician because sometimes bed wetting is due to undeveloped valves between the kidneys and bladder".
I think better advice would be to see a psychiatrist to seek treatment for her underdeveloped humanity.


user1457017537 · 26/10/2018 12:26

Awaytome I agree


UpsyDaisysarmpit · 26/10/2018 12:40

You are all being quite harsh to the OP. No, it isn't ideal to snap at someone for wetting the bed, but I can see why it would happen.
OP my own DS was dry at night around age 5.5, but then a year or so later started wetting again.this continued until very recently...he's almost 12. And yes, despite realising he couldn't help it, there have been some times that his cheerful and blazè attitude when waking me at 3am to tell me about it, has caused me to feel irked. I haven't yelled, but I have been a little grumpy.
My advice? He's stil, until 7, at an age they won't be concerned enough to treat him for bedwetting. Might be an infection though, so do get it checked out. The ERIC website has useful info. If you can get him wearing drynites if it continues, but some times difficult if he's had a period of time not needing them.
What helps for my DS is not letting him drink gallons at bedtime, but he's still allowed a bedtime drink. And last thing at night he goes to the loo. The relapses have all been attributed to him drinking lots, or out of his routine, or forgetting to pee before bed.
Hope that helps.


UpsyDaisysarmpit · 26/10/2018 12:46

PS. An awful lot of 'perfect' parents on this thread Hmm. Ignore it, OP. This place can get a bit vicious at times.

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