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To shout at 6yo DS for wetting the bed the 4th time in a week

206 replies

Acunningruse · 20/10/2018 09:46

As above. DS has been toilet trained reliably since age 3, and dry at night since age 4. The last few weeks he's been wetting the bed perhaps once a week, last week it was around 3 times and even more this week.
I'm afraid I completely lost it at 2.30am when he wandered in and announced nonchalantly that "I've had a leak mummy" no you haven't had a leak you have weed yourself again!!
What's concerning me is he doesn't seem bothered at all, I would have thought at just turned 6 he would be embarrassed about it.

He seems really happy in all areas, absolutely thriving at school and generally an active happy boy so I'm at a loss as to what's causing it.

Any ideas? At 2.30this morning I threatened to put him in nappies but I really don't want to do this.

OP posts:

Allthewaves · 20/10/2018 10:12

You had a blip, you were tired. Could he be scared to go to toilet at night? My 7 yr old goes to bathroom at least twice during the night but we have to have lights on.


Allthewaves · 20/10/2018 10:13

Also layering the bed can help hugely as you just the wet sheet and waterproof and pop back into bed. The shower him in the morning


FFSFFSFFS · 20/10/2018 10:13

I'm only human

It's not human to scream at your 6 year old son for a bodily function he has no control over and is quite possibly linked to a health problem that you have failed to get him help for.

Your lack of understanding of the impact that this kind of shit has on vulnerable children makes it worse.

No excuse for this kind of emotional abuse.


Idontbelieveinthemoon · 20/10/2018 10:14

Everyone gets tired and frustrated at times, OP, and once you've lost the plot you can't undo it. What you can do is work out ways to make it easier if it happens again; having a spare set of sheets etc ready in his room, putting an undersheet on to protect the mattress, dump everything from his bed into the bath to be dealt with the next morning. I wouldn't limit water intake and I'd definitely look into the possibility of a UTI. I'd also talk through how school's going generally and how he's feeling; changes in school year, in friendship groups, in teacher, all of those could have an effect.

Tell him how sorry you are for shouting, that you were tired and cross and made a bad choice. Tell him that the bedwetting is not a big deal and that you're going to work on it together, and then stop beating yourself up.


FFSFFSFFS · 20/10/2018 10:15

Everyone gets tired and frustrated at times

Indeed they do. But they don't all scream at young children.

Always amazes me in these threads. These are the kind of crap excuses that men who beat women come out with.

There is no excuse for emotional abuse. Ever. Sort your shit out op.


Alfie19 · 20/10/2018 10:16

I am not even a parent and I know that was just about the worst thing you could have ever done. Poor little thing. I had really strict parents, alwYs telling us off, I remember wetting the bed once when I was seven as a one off. Told them, they got up, changed bed, put me back to bed, told me these things happen. Maybe try something like that next time


CrumpetandSausage · 20/10/2018 10:19

I feel your pain. On the rare occasion either of my daughters go through a bed wetting phase I give them worming tablets and they are then dry. I always blame worms. Being wet definitely doesn’t phase them.


MrsA2015 · 20/10/2018 10:19

I can understand your frustration OP. Perhaps have a chat with him and see if anything is bothering him in particular. It may not seem obvious at first but the most random things can cause this, how warm in the house at night? He may be too snug in bed to go to the toilet if it’s a bit chilly.

We all make mistakes and yes you ARE only human. A cuddle and an apology today and wet-proof the bed. Can he get in with you tonight? Might make a difference somehow.

You’ll be ok


edinburghlass1991 · 20/10/2018 10:22

Dd 6 is the same have you seen anyone if so what did they say?


t1mum3 · 20/10/2018 10:23

Please take him to the GP on Monday. Mention that he seems very tired. Has he lost weight recently or not gained weight as expected?


SeaToSki · 20/10/2018 10:25

There is a virus that causes the bladder to spasm periodically... try going to the GP


ForalltheSaints · 20/10/2018 10:27

Definitely the GP.


Soontobe60 · 20/10/2018 10:29

My DD started bed wetting at about this age. No reason, no infection, not excessively drinking. She had her bed set up as follows:
Bottom layer waterproof mattress protector
Next layer sheet
Next layer incontinence mat
Top layer thick bath towel

Spare PJ bottoms next to bed with a pack of wipes and bowl for wet towel.
If she wet herself, usually only the towel needed to be removed and pjs changed.
Next morning, quick rinse down in the bath and clean towel put on bed.
She got to the point that she would actually sort this herself!


ButtMuncher · 20/10/2018 10:30

My DSS still wet the bed till he was 7. I was dealing with a newborn who was clusterfeeding and getting woken up by DSS - but no, I didn't shout at him. I did what I'd done since he was 5 and help him. Shouting at him would have been counterproductive. He stopped wetting the bed at 7.5 and he's now 9.

He's not doing it through choice. I understand frustration as my newborn is now a demanding toddler, but shouting just exacerbates the issue, and probably makes him scared to come to you - all in all, not a good idea.

Glad you realise YABU but tbh I would have got him a GP appointment when it started happening if he has a history of bladder issues, then you wouldn't have felt so frustrated you needed to shout 🤷‍♀️


EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 20/10/2018 10:31

Ds did this a few times when he was about 5

He too didn’t seemed bothered. I started worrying more then it turned out he was worried about a boy in his class who had once pushed him and was pushing the little girls around and laughing about it

I mentioned it to school and they said they were aware and dealing with the matter

Once he has expressed why he was upset and confused he stopped

And ffs the op responded in a crap way as we have all done at times and I’m sure she shall apologise she is asking for advice not everyone telling her what a wonderful parent they are and terrible parent she is


AnnieAnoniMouse · 20/10/2018 10:32

He’s old enough that if he sets [wets], he can take the dirty sheets off and put them in the machine

You realise he’s SIX? At 6 you’d expect him to take the wet sheets off and go and put them in the washing machine, on his own at half two in the morning?

Jesus wept.


FintanStack · 20/10/2018 10:32

I was bullied at a small village school, please don’t assume it won’t happen at your son’s school.


Letsmove1t · 20/10/2018 10:34

Acunningruse - your posts sound hard and cold, did you cuddle and apologise to him, does he trust and know he can come to you? If you don't whatever caused this is likely to continue through worry about you reacting that way, especially at night when he'd be sleepy it would sound even more shockingly loud, he came for help and you didn't, who else will help him if you don't, where's his security?
All that said, it will sort itself out if not e.g. A uti or medical situation like diabetes. You need to reassure him and to make life easier for you 1. Waterproof cover on mattress, you can get some nice ones that are cushioned so not noisy or sweaty. 2. Use stick on bed wide stick on mats such as Huggies. Have a change of bedding at hand. Tell him not to worry and make sure you have baby wipes and clean pjs near and perhaps show him those. Remember he's your son so oddly -per your comment - he's only human too. I really hope you are a troll


DNAwrangler · 20/10/2018 10:36

I think there are some over reactions here. As you know OP, it wasn't stellar parenting, but you can fix it.

Tell him you're sorry and you made a mistake. Tell him if it happens again tonight or any other night to come and get you and you won't be mad at all. Then sort the sheets with layers for a quick change.

GP visit as you plan to. And some one on one time so he has an opportunity to tell you anything that might be worrying him.


TokyoKyoto · 20/10/2018 10:37

This is a sad opening post. Look, my brother wet the bed until he was 12. He was taken to the doctor and in the 70s they told my parents it was psychological, not physical.
When I think back to how he was treated at home, the shouting, the 'training', the FUSS, I could just cry for that little boy.
(He's a mess now. Think on.)


formerbabe · 20/10/2018 10:40

My ds wet the bed occasionally at that age...sometimes he'd be dry for weeks then wet the bed several days in a row. I have heard it can be common in boys and that until a certain age their body doesn't make a certain hormone/chemical which controls idea if I'm talking nonsense or what?! He is also a very deep sleeper which didn't help.

Shouting won't work though I totally get your frustration...constantly washing sheets is a total pain.


boredmum18 · 20/10/2018 10:45

Op it wasn't at all obvious from your post that you knew you were being unreasonable! So of course posters have given you a hard time as you genuinely came across as though you thought your reaction was acceptable. Don't now get defensive because apparently you always knew were unreasonable (why the hell even post on aibu if you know you're being unreasonable?!)

Frankly, your excuse about being human is not fucking good enough. Your poor poor son, I hope you apologise to him today and make him feel safe and loved, as you certainly did not do that last night


FangTasticFeast · 20/10/2018 10:46

I have a ds who has just gone into year 1, they all seem tired and ready for half term now! It may just be that he’s shattered and not waking up in time

I’d take a trip to the gp though just to rule out uti


AnnieAnoniMouse · 20/10/2018 10:49

OP - clearly not a parenting highlight, but we ALL react badly at some stage. It IS frustrating when they don’t seem to ‘care’ about something whether it’s a wet bed, lost items or whatever.

As most people have said...

GP - for UTI, diabetes, etc. Worm meds.

School - for any issues, bullying, increased workload, new child, disruptive child, change in routine.

Fluids - more to drink during the day. Personally I don’t agree with limiting fluids, not even before bed. Bladders need to be encouraged to work properly, not ‘managed’.

Lifting - I don’t agree with either for the same reason. The only time I’d do this is on holiday if the bathroom isn’t easily accessible.

I’d rather fix the actual problem, than simply avoid a wet bed.

Deep sleep - accept the reason might just be this, due to school, growing (internal changes before a ‘growth spurt’, hormonal changes (hormones control your ABILITY to wake for a wee) etc).

Double sheet/waterproof layer the bed. Reassure DS that it’s just something that’s happening for now and you both need need to find out why. Explain why it’s important he talk to you about anything he’s ‘thinking’ about - even if it’s not directly affecting him (sometimes they worry a LOT about friends at school whether that’s stuff at school or something a friend has told them about outside of school)

If you’re on half term now, try to spend time together, keep it low key and do as has been suggested and hopefully it’ll sort itself out. Keep the bed double sheeted, it’s surprising how often it’s a complete bonus in the middle of the night and it does no harm.


Glossymare · 20/10/2018 10:57

My ds is 12 and still occasionally wets (1-2 times a year). He used to several times a night for years, and I didn’t always deal with it as patiently as I could have. We are only human after all. My advice is to buy a mattress protector, if you haven’t already. Have lots of spare sheets and a spare duvet too, so your not left without bedding for him during winter cold night changes. Encourage him to assist you in stripping the bed and putting the wet sheets in the bath. Stick them in the wash in the morning.
My ds now deals with it himself when he wets. He whips his pjs/sheets off and sticks them in the bath tub. Then clambers back in to bed. He will usually pop his head round my door to tell me he’s wet but dealt with it. He just gets a bit of a sleepy ‘okay mate, good lad’ in response Grin

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