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To shout at 6yo DS for wetting the bed the 4th time in a week

206 replies

Acunningruse · 20/10/2018 09:46

As above. DS has been toilet trained reliably since age 3, and dry at night since age 4. The last few weeks he's been wetting the bed perhaps once a week, last week it was around 3 times and even more this week.
I'm afraid I completely lost it at 2.30am when he wandered in and announced nonchalantly that "I've had a leak mummy" no you haven't had a leak you have weed yourself again!!
What's concerning me is he doesn't seem bothered at all, I would have thought at just turned 6 he would be embarrassed about it.

He seems really happy in all areas, absolutely thriving at school and generally an active happy boy so I'm at a loss as to what's causing it.

Any ideas? At 2.30this morning I threatened to put him in nappies but I really don't want to do this.

OP posts:

DoJo · 20/10/2018 17:53

When my son wasn't dry at night at an age where I imagine most of his peers were, the thing I was MOST thankful for was that he wasn't bothered by it. He wasn't embarrassed or ashamed and it made it a lot easier to tackle because it was just a thing we had to sort out like a million others.

OP - I know you've been getting a hard time here, and I'm not going to pretend I'm close to perfect or that I never shout at my kids, but I genuinely have never shouted about toilet training/night wetting. I think that you need to be prepared to avoid the kind of tiredness that leads to losing your cool if it continues. It's so counter-productive and makes everyone feel shit, so hopefully the tips here will arm you with some ideas to make it easier to manage in future.


Oblomov18 · 20/10/2018 18:11


I don't think shouting, is that bad. She did a one off shout. Hardly a crime.


Oblomov18 · 20/10/2018 18:14

People lose their temper all the time. You don't have to have PND.

I don't consider an occasional raised voice or shout as THAT bad.
I don't consider a shout as 'abusive parenting'.


Tiredofit · 20/10/2018 18:23

The only sign dgs(6) had before he was diagnosed with diabetes was wetting the bed 3 nights in a row. Definitely get him checked out on Monday morning.


Idontbelieveinthemoon · 20/10/2018 18:31

Indeed they do. But they don't all scream at young children.

Absolutely. But OP has already done that and no matter how much you berate her she can't undo what she's done. What she can do is try to ensure that next time she feels excessively cross that she has another route to take, another option - your entire post offers nothing of value in terms of actual advice or ideas on how to "sort shit out". Practicality wise OP needs ideas she can use, presumably that's why she posted.

There is no excuse for emotional abuse. Ever. Sort your shit out op.

People fuck up occasionally. People have shit days with their DCs and need support occasionally to move on. Shit like this is neither helpful nor useful. OP knows she was U. Knows she needs to handle it differently. Knows that when you post honestly asking for help that instead of help there's people like you ready to kick her in the teeth. You must feel pretty bloody special after that.


FrightsaidRed · 20/10/2018 18:40

But it’s not his fault if he’s asleep is it, different if it’s day time and he’s being a bit lazy as my DD was a right pita about this until a few months ago. Seriously didn’t care, it was infuriating. Though I appreciate being woken is crap and you just want a decent night’s sleep. Why don’t you do the double sheet thing - protector, sheet, protector, sheet, then it’s easy to change.

My DD is 6 and still wets the bed occasionally. DS 5 and we’ve tried without pull-ups but he just doesn’t wake and wets twice a night, properly, and is none the wiser. We’d find the wet bed when we went to bed, and again in the morning, and he was clueless. So we’ve put it to one side for the time being as we tried for three weeks and it didn’t improve at all.


FrightsaidRed · 20/10/2018 18:43

I’ve not read the whole thread so won’t start telling you you’re some sort of emotional abuser OP....that’s just silly, we all get overtired and shout sometimes. It’s not ideal but it is life and he’ll get over it.


MissContrary · 20/10/2018 18:54

I'm surprised you haven't already been to the gp if he's usually dry but has had uti's in the past


theSnuffster · 20/10/2018 19:11

If my child started wetting the bed after being dry for years i'd worry that they had an infection or something was really bothering them.

I can't say I wouldn't get cross in the middle of the night though. I'm ashamed to say I'm a totally unreasonable person if I'm woken in the middle of the night. I got angry once after one of them vomited down the side of their bed in the middle of the night, I wasn't angry with my child but with the situation.


Lifeisabeach09 · 20/10/2018 19:26

I suggest apologising to him right away, it's not his fault.
book him a doctor appointment , might be a bladder infection


Haypanky · 20/10/2018 19:38

I feel your pain. My 4yo has started wetting the bed again after being dry since 2.5. A friend suggested lifting her and popping her on the loo for a 'dream wee' when I go up to bed. I tried it for the first time last night, she didn't wake but did wee, so weird!!! Trying it again tonight.


Blonde87 · 20/10/2018 19:40

This reply has been deleted

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looneymoons · 20/10/2018 20:03

Blonde87 you sound like such a lovely person. I so wish I had a friend like you.


OhEctoplasmOnIt · 20/10/2018 20:05

A thing everyone is ignoring is ops awful attitude to her son, disappointment that he felt no shame. Gross.


looneymoons · 20/10/2018 20:13

"He doesn't seem bothered"

"He doesn't seem remotely bothered which I find strange"

"Frustrated at this happening again for seemingly no reason"

What a complete over reaction from some posters. How can you infer that the OP felt "disappointment that he felt no shame" from these?!  some strange and unpleasant posters on this thread.


TrickyKid · 20/10/2018 20:15



OhEctoplasmOnIt · 20/10/2018 20:21

"I've had a leak mummy" no you haven't had a leak you have weed yourself again!!
What's concerning me is he doesn't seem bothered at all, I would have thought at just turned 6 he would be embarrassed about it."

And then goes on to threaten to put him in nappies.

Its not us who are unpleasant!


Heatherjayne1972 · 20/10/2018 20:21

My 9 year old wets the bed occasionally
I’ve never ever shouted at him
He has bed pads and pull ups

It’s no big deal he just doesn’t wake up in time

If the gp gives your son the all clear please invest in pull ups
And don’t make an issue out of a non issue
Shouting really doesn’t help


LittleBearPad · 20/10/2018 20:27

What a lot of lovely posters who are taking their chance to berate the OP. It must be wonderful being so perfect to never shout at your children.


Cantusethatname · 20/10/2018 20:29

I can see it would be irritating and frustrating to get up to change a wet bed.
But I am going to make an assumption (you didn't say otherwise) that you have clean sheets to hand, a washing machine and a dryer. It's not a huge effort to wash and tumble dry sheets.

If you continue to shout at your son and make him frightened and ashamed you will be storing up huge problems for the future, physical and psychological. You need to get a grip, swallow your irritation, say never mind darling and change the bed. Then you need to say go back to sleep darling.


looneymoons · 20/10/2018 20:36

Still can't see how you can make the statement that the "OP is disappointed that he felt no shame"!

Yes it was unpleasant to shout but some posters on here are no better in their incorrect statements (ie yours) and in the way they "kick someone when they might already be down". An eye for an eye hey?!

She clearly states she was aware that that it was wrong and was posting on here looking for helpful advice about her sons bed wetting.

Have none of you also said something to your children that was less than ideal or are you all just perfect parents?!


Keepingupwiththejonesys · 20/10/2018 20:37

Op, you're being completely pounced on here by the perfect parents that have never ever ran thin on patience with their precious petals. Of course you know shouting wasn't the right thing to do but a lot of other parents have shouted and regretted it to. My dd spilled apple juice all over the floor and in my shoes today. It was just an accident, normally I'd have just sighed and cleaned it up. But she had been being silly all day, my ds hasn't been sleeping well so I was shattered and dd2 had 7363936 crying episodes today. I shouted. I felt terrible after and apologised but I also know I'm human and it happens.

I'd suggest a trip to the doctors, my dd is almost 6 and if she started wetting I'd he very surprised as she never does. I'd wonder if it was uti, threadworms or possibly something in his diet that could be causing it. Also, to make your life a bit easier I'd try popping him on the toilet around 11pm before you go to sleep to see if he can squeeze another wee out


LeavesAFallin · 20/10/2018 20:38

Wow I'm in awe of all the perfect parents who have never shouted at their child and regretted it instantly.


Imustbemad00 · 20/10/2018 20:43

The perfect parent parade are out. I’m sure you know you shouldn’t shout. I’m sure you felt guilty but it’s easily done when sleep is involved.


GunpowderGelatine · 20/10/2018 20:44

Probably not your finest hour OP but we all lose our temper now and again no more so in the early hours.

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