My grandad today asked if my almost 2yo is 'dumb' -

[GunpowderGelatine]

My son, who is 22 months old, doesn't say very much. Mummy, daddy, doggy, bye, hiya, etc. He tries with other words like "outside" but just says 'side' or 'tairs' when he means 'downstairs'. I'm not concerned, his sister was pretty much having conversations at this age but I know it's senseless comparing the two of them. DS is very alert, engages really well and takes an interest in most things and people around him.

My grandad, who is 84, asked me today if he was saying much. I was honest and said no but he's getting there. Then he said "Be honest with me now, is he...dumb?" (He has to think about how to phrase the last word).

WTAF. I said no and don't ever call him anything like that again. He thinks I'm being sensitive and that I need to take him to the doctor. AIBU to be upset or am I being defensive?

I suspect he means Dumb as in 'deaf and dumb' rather than not very bright. I still hear older people use that term.

He’s an idiot. My DH’s niece is a bit younger than yours and I don’t think she says anything. She’s a typical toddler in all other ways and there’s no concerns.

Your little boy sounds absolutely fine.

I think he means dumb as in not able or unwilling to speak not that your little boy is stupid.

However, your son sounds fine, we all develop at different rates!

Children are supposed to put two words together by age 2. A speech and language therapist told me that, so I’d say your ds is meeting milestones so far. Remember there are loads who will be talking loads by then and others with fewer words.

Sounds perfect for a two year old, he says words, he will eventually speak in sentences. He is just learning. My DS spoke in 3 word sentences at 13 mths, never shut up since. My DD spoke in sentences at 15 mths, never shut up since. My Nephew didn't speak until 3, he had mummy, daddy, dog and NO! , never shut up since.

They are respectively 21, 13 and 11 and you would never know 2 spoke relatively early and one spoke later.

Grandad is just being a bit insensitive and you were right to tell him off.

i'm pretty sure that a man of his generation didnt mean dumb as in stupid but dumb as in having difficulty talking. Its an older generation thing

Would you be upset if he asked 'is he deaf' or 'is he blind', if he had concerns about those?

@AllViewsMyOwn

"I think he means dumb as in not able or unwilling to speak not that your little boy is stupid."

I agree with that, "dumb" when used by the older generation usually means more special needs or another problem, not stupid.

I had to google deaf and dumb  I still don't think it's a very nice term.

I think because DD practically came out the womb talking I had different expectations, but I do think he's meeting milestones (just).

I don't think he meant "dumb" in the way you took it. Deaf and dumb is the old way of saying deaf and mute.

It's just the technical term they used to use for someone who couldn't speak that's all.

dumb used to always mean 'mute' or 'unable to speak'. These days it generally means stupid. I'm sure your grandad meant the former. Either way he was being insensitive (as opposed to you being sensitive). You know your son and if you aren't concerned, then your mum instinct is probably correct.

I had to google deaf and dumb  I still don't think it's a very nice term
Why?
It is not pejorative?

It’s just an old clinical term for someone who is mute/speechless. The usage of it to mean someone or something that is stupid is an Americanism (‘that’s so dumb’) so I’d say the chances your elderly British (?) grandfather meant that are very small.

I wouldn’t let it upset you, he was just enquiring after whether DS has a medical issue, not called him stupid. I’m sure he meant well.

I assume he meant it as in ‘mute’ but it’s still not a particularly sensitive or tactful thing to say.

It sounds like he was clumsily trying to be caring, but it’s got lost in translation.

Dumb used to simply mean unable to speak. The meaning of "stupid" was, I believe, imposed by American English.

To your grandfather and perhaps many of his generation it simply meant unable to speak. I believe that the correct term now is "mute", though will accept that I may stand corrected.

The word dumb has now largely taken on the meaning of stupid, so is best no longer used in this context. I suspect your grandfather was just being old fashioned in his speech rather than intentionally offensive.

Explain it to him?

He just means dumb in the sense if not able to talk.

It’s not a very nice term, but was a standard term a number of years ago.

I used to work with severely disabled kids and some were diagnosed as being deaf and dumb. He is asking if your DS has special needs.

I think you are being overly sensitive as well. He is a man of a completely different generation trying to express concern over his great grandchild. yes, he did it badly. yes, he could have chosen different words to express himself but honestly he probably thought he was doing the right thing by asking if everything was OK with your child. I am certain he didn't need to cause offence but sometimes people several generations away from ourselves use words that we wouldn't.

Agreed, you are being over sensitive to the term which was common medical usage. It would be the equivalent to your grandad as you saying someone might have a speech delay that needs addressing,Your choice to take him to the Dr or not though, as you say, judge that in milestones.

Do you have a good relationship with your grandad? I'd think that was fucking rude. But no doubt something will be along in a minute saying he has dementia etc.

Can you just ignore him? Surely you didn't seriously think he had a point?

It is not a nice term, and I would be hurt if someone said that about my child. I am sure he did not intend to upset you, but asking after your child's welfare. It was used a lot in the old days.

dumb
/dʌm/Submit
adjective
1.
temporarily unable or unwilling to speak.
"they stood dumb while the attacker poured out a stream of abuse"
synonyms: mute, unable to speak, without the power of speech

Agree with PPs, have you heard the phrase ‘struck dumb’ ie unable to speak?