My grandad today asked if my almost 2yo is 'dumb' -

[GunpowderGelatine]

My son, who is 22 months old, doesn't say very much. Mummy, daddy, doggy, bye, hiya, etc. He tries with other words like "outside" but just says 'side' or 'tairs' when he means 'downstairs'. I'm not concerned, his sister was pretty much having conversations at this age but I know it's senseless comparing the two of them. DS is very alert, engages really well and takes an interest in most things and people around him.

My grandad, who is 84, asked me today if he was saying much. I was honest and said no but he's getting there. Then he said "Be honest with me now, is he...dumb?" (He has to think about how to phrase the last word).

WTAF. I said no and don't ever call him anything like that again. He thinks I'm being sensitive and that I need to take him to the doctor. AIBU to be upset or am I being defensive?

there is such a thing as "word holder"which is where a child understands but for some reason doesn't speak -however it is important that whatever little he says he is able to articulate the sound shape because if he cant that has the potential to be an issue - re hearing or whatever. So if you said "can you fetch me the big ball (when there is more than one ball of different sizes) or can you get me a peg, or give me your cup. spoon or plate he would be able to do this. My eldest dd spoke late & didn't say much at 2 but within months she wouldn't shut up :) so they said at nursery! Grandad was being mean - non pc (he is over 80!) but perhaps he was just concerned not judgemental

I'm certain he meant dumb as in "deaf and dumb". It's an old-fashioned word for people who had some kind of speech impairment.
Also remember that Grandad probably didn't have all that much hands-on childcare when his own kids were small and might not understand how big the variation between children meeeting milestones is.
He's 84. It was a different time. No need to be offended.

As you're already aware, he was simply using an archaic term. Maybe he was a little forward in his questioning - how well you take such a probing question will almost certainly depend on your relationship - but an appropriate response would have been along the lines of, we tend to say speech delayed or mute, these days, but his language development appears to be fairly normal.

Wait until you are 84 and ask if a child has speech delay - and the shocked reaction. Because I can guarantee by that time the "correct" words to use will have changed

Yes. It's clear he meant mute. His hesitation was because he couldn't remember what it's called nowadays (and at 84, who can blame him?).

A person of that age would not use "dumb" to describe someone with developmental delay. They would use a different word or phrase.

It's a reasonable question for a grandparent to ask.

I think some posters here are being far more rude ( not to mention ageist) about your grandfather than he was about your son.

Indeed, sounds like he was being caring.

You misunderstood him.

I agree with a previous poster in that I think you should apologise to him.

I'm in the US and yes, 'dumb' is considered offensive when used in the context of speech issues. We'd say 'deaf and mute' or better yet, 'deaf and non-oral/non-verbal'.

I do think perhaps you should speak to Grandad and explain to him that you misunderstood his meaning because 'dumb' is no longer an acceptable word to use.

Your grandfather was born in the same year that the film "The Gay Divorcee" was made. Language evolves, the elder usually regress.
Don't let a misunderstanding sour your relationship.

Take no notice. Kids develop speech at different times and it means nothing.

My son, at your child's age, used to say, "Bogog" for ladybird! He could say "lady' and "bird" but not together.

He's now nearly 39 and we still call ladybirds, "Bogogs".

Who cares?

He'll get there in the end.

@sunshineNdaisies I'm a little confused - some deaf people are mute, aren't they? In the same way that some are blind.

If a deaf person can't speak or sign, and relies completely on AAC... or can't communicate at all (ie, severe brain damage)... what are they?

Age is not an excuse to be rude and would of said if anyone needs to see a doctor it’s you as no normally person would come out with such a remark.

"I had to google deaf and dumb "

Are you serious? How old are you? Is this a phrase that's disappearing???

Would I be right to think English isn't your first language?

When did deaf and dumb become deaf and mute? I've never heard that said, dumb as in not being able to speak isn't offensive at all. Have we also had to rename dumb waiters and dumb terminals?

Dumb prior to the 1980s was used to describe a child that couldn’t talk or had issues with talking / speech impediments. Look at him from an unbiased perspective — by 2 you should be able to have short interactive conversations with him even if you can’t understand everything he says. If you can’t I’d be worried enough enough to go to the GP.

I think you are being over sensitive to this one OP.

I am fairly old - but didn't actually realise that dumb was a non pc word now. I suppose I haven't heard it used or any equivalent - as I don't know any people who are unable to speak.

Also he may be out of touch with the capabilities of a 2 yo. Or he may have forgotten or lost track of the age of your DS.

Let it go - there are much more offensive things that some people will say.

Astonished at someone not knowing that dumb in the UK always ONLY meant being unable to speak until very recently (ie last 20 years).

Our standards seem to have slipped so much in recent years with regards to people’s use of and grasp of vocabulary. You see it all the time on here, people unable to differentiate between ‘bought’ and ‘brought’, clueless about using ‘their’, ‘they’re’ and ‘there’, ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ etc. Doesn’t surprise me at all that someone wouldn’t know what dumb meant beyond the far more recent usage!

The only thing wrong with the term dumb is that it has become another word for stupid. People saying it's not a nice word, it was when the grandad was growing up, just a description.

as a deaf person, "deaf and dumb" is extremely offensive, like the most offensive thing you can say to me. Deaf people are not dumb,

Deaf and dumb was used to describe people who were just that deaf (imo able to hear) and dumb (unable to talk)

It doesn't mean deaf people are stupid.

@zzz I think you've got those the wrong way around. For instance, an autistic person may choose to be nonverbal because they feel their verbal communication is unreliable, but they aren't mute, they just don't want to speak.

Why are people calling the grandfather rude? Are people really unaware that dumb is a term that meant (and still means) being mute for far longer than it has been used as an insult or as a replacement for stupid?

Lots of older people still use these kind of terms instead of ' speech impaired, hearing impaired etc.

How old are you OP? This is a common term and frankly if you spoke to an elderly man like that, when it is you who was ignorant to what it meant, it's you who is rude.

"Dumb" means 'mute' or of low vocabulary. So yes. Your son is currently 'Dumb'. And at his age I would be very concerned about his vocabulary or lack of rather than just 'not comparing them'.

Yabu.

Using the word dumb to mean stupid is an Americanism. Dumb is the archaic but correct word for mutism in English.