My grandad today asked if my almost 2yo is 'dumb' -

[GunpowderGelatine]

My son, who is 22 months old, doesn't say very much. Mummy, daddy, doggy, bye, hiya, etc. He tries with other words like "outside" but just says 'side' or 'tairs' when he means 'downstairs'. I'm not concerned, his sister was pretty much having conversations at this age but I know it's senseless comparing the two of them. DS is very alert, engages really well and takes an interest in most things and people around him.

My grandad, who is 84, asked me today if he was saying much. I was honest and said no but he's getting there. Then he said "Be honest with me now, is he...dumb?" (He has to think about how to phrase the last word).

WTAF. I said no and don't ever call him anything like that again. He thinks I'm being sensitive and that I need to take him to the doctor. AIBU to be upset or am I being defensive?

@GunpowderGelatine

Your second post makes me think you're being overly sensitive because you're worried your son isn't actually where you think he should be in terms of development.

Would you have been upset if your grandad had worded his question as "Be honest with me now, is he...mute?"

If so, you are being over sensitive. If not, then no need to be offended. Unless of course there's a drip feed coming to say he's generally not very nice to you .

I had to google deaf and dumb  I still don't think it's a very nice term.

In a modern context no. But for your Grandfather's generation this was a fairly standard term. I am sure he meant no harm.

I am astonished that a number of people on here are unfamiliar with the phrase. I guess it is a generational thing as it was commonly used when I was a child.

He’s 84, some of the older generation are just not very PC.

I don't think was intentionally horrible, but just concerned and enquiring. I have found that older people (some obvs not all) expect kids to progress far more quickly than reasonable! I think he's was worried and expressed it the only way he knew now. He also meant dumb as in "not able to speak" rather then of below average intelligence. I am sure your DC is fine he'll be chatting so much you can't stop him soon!

Given he is not saying other words properly you might want a referral to speech therapists and a hearing test just to be sure those areas are not at fault. ST check for understanding and responses not just words and sentences. My DD was slow to talk so at 2.4 we went to ST and she just said stop reacting to her and talking for her and she will be away, By the end of the January (this was December) we were getting fully constructed sentences and she has never shut up since!

Your Grandfather was just being caring and asking if your child couldn't speak, maybe he thought you were worried and felt like you couldn't say anything. He was trying to help. Stop looking for offence!

Tell granddad to turn his hearing aid up!

My grandad is exactly the same.
No filter at all. I could write a book about some of the things hes said.

Also I wouldn't expect a 2 year old to be able to pronounce the words outside and down the stairs. They're quite hard words for babies to say arent. I suppose even The Queen mispronounced words as a baby

84 years ago, dumb meant non verbal.

Wait until you are 84 and ask if a child has speech delay - and the shocked reaction. Because I can guarantee by that time the "correct" words to use will have changed.

My nephew is 14 months and isn't saying quite as much as my oldest nephew was at that age or indeed my dd was.
He says a few things. Tetta for Peppa. He loves trees so he says Tee.

So you misunderstood your grandad who was using using perfectly normal English.

Are you going to apologise to him?

I dont think he is being rude at all.
I couldnt remember how old children were expected to do things with my second - 5 years after my first. Let alone however long ago your Grandad had experience of the age children develop.

He was asking if your child needed more support with his language.

Terms for children with Special Needs - or The Handicapped as they used to be collectively known as were never set out to offend, they are descriptors. They have become offensive because society have made them that way - spastics, retard, dumb have all evolved into insults.

It is more telling that people become insulted at the inference that a child may have special needs.

That is the fundemental issue.
If we were all more accepting and saw disabilities as being different rather than lesser, and accepted that all children develop at different rates but there are situations when they need more help, and stopped thinking that not being 'perfect' was a personal insult the world would be a much kinder and nicer place to be.

So I think you are being unreasonable and a more reasonable response would be - "He is doing everything in his own time and we aren't worried that he has difficulty with speech, but thank you for caring."

Dumbfounded and dumbstruck both still mean devoid of speech, albeit temporarily.

Im an SLT who regular triages. Id have no concerns at all about your little boy. We like 10-50 words to develop between 18mths and 2yrs but that includes all consistent words they dont have to be clear. And also things like 'brumm' 'moo'. But yes luke your eldest some kids have full conversations at 18months. Kids are fascinating due to their variations

as a deaf person, "deaf and dumb" is extremely offensive, like the most offensive thing you can say to me. Deaf people are not dumb, I'm more qualified than any hearing person I know. Nor are we mute - an inability to speak is not the same as not learning how to speak (due to hearing loss)

Wait until you are 84 and ask if a child has speech delay - and the shocked reaction. Because I can guarantee by that time the "correct" words to use will have changed

This with bells on.

You are being unreasonable however to teach any child 'Hiya' instead of 'Hello'.
I cringe and judge when I hear that.

I'm a good deal younger that your grandfather and, while I know of the usage of dumb to mean stupid, I didn't know that dumb = mute had dropped out of use.

sunshine I know that. But people did used to be diagnosed as deaf and dumb. It was a medical term. Usually kids born profoundly deaf and blind.

Your second post makes me think you're being overly sensitive because you're worried your son isn't actually where you think he should be in terms of development.

I thought this was so obvious it went without saying! But maybe OP isn’t aware of it herself, actually.

I don't think he was being rude at all. He is concerned. The dumb thing is pretty recent for common usage - people were quite happy to leave it in American Movies for a long time. I am impressed he can remember what stage a two year old is at - I would struggle and it wasn't that long ago.

Encourage him to talk and interact with DS - take things along that they can talk about and DS is interested in. It is good for them both.

Have you ever heard the song "Pinball Wizard"? It's about Tommy, a deaf/blind and mute lad. Includes the line: "That deaf, dumb and blind kid sure plays mean pinball". GDad simply meant mute, nothing more.

Astonished at someone not knowing that dumb in the UK always ONLY meant being unable to speak until very recently (ie last 20 years).