My grandad today asked if my almost 2yo is 'dumb' -

[GunpowderGelatine]

My son, who is 22 months old, doesn't say very much. Mummy, daddy, doggy, bye, hiya, etc. He tries with other words like "outside" but just says 'side' or 'tairs' when he means 'downstairs'. I'm not concerned, his sister was pretty much having conversations at this age but I know it's senseless comparing the two of them. DS is very alert, engages really well and takes an interest in most things and people around him.

My grandad, who is 84, asked me today if he was saying much. I was honest and said no but he's getting there. Then he said "Be honest with me now, is he...dumb?" (He has to think about how to phrase the last word).

WTAF. I said no and don't ever call him anything like that again. He thinks I'm being sensitive and that I need to take him to the doctor. AIBU to be upset or am I being defensive?

With respect a deaf person has come on to say it is offensive so I'll be taking their lead, personally

And if a Grandad came on here and said that it simply meant 'unable to speak' would you take their lead, as well?

I had a chatty DD followed by a quiet DS and thought at his 2 year check he would be refered to SALT. However he looked out the window and pointed and said 'daddy's car' and that was enough for them. 2 words joined together so he is now way off.

But 'deaf' people were treated as if stupid, and prevented from signing.
Ironically idiot is also a word that was used as a medical descriptor and has become an insult. Along with spastic, moron, subnormal, cripple, mongol.....
Language changes but attitudes not so much unfortunately, as in other areas e.g. black, coloured and black again, half caste, mixed race,heritage
Now we would say sensory/visual impairment and speech, language delay, learning difficulty/disability...
If people learn to speak before they lose their hearing usually they can speak, if they could never hear it is much more difficult to learn.
Your child is prob ok but if you are concerned gp or health visitor would do a hearing test, sometimes there can be mild and temporary hearing loss or problems inthe mouth which will affect language, best treated sooner than later.

The term mute is also outdated and offensive to some.

Hearing impaired, visually impaired and Language impaired are currently the preferred terms - though they aren't actually very descriptive as obviously there is an enormous difference between having no sight at all and wearing glasses to correct short sight.

www.deafhear.ie/DHFiles/docs/What%20is%20Wrong%20with%20the%20Use%20of%20these%20Terms.pdf

All this information takes time to filter through, and people have to care enough to take notice as well as remember when they need to use the terms.

Handicapped child is often used when a child with - special needs/ learning difficulties etc etc is more appropriate. Most people use the wrong words because they don't know, not because they are trying to be offensive.

It used to be the term used when somebody couldn't speak.
No huge problem, it's the term he would know at his age, just put him right and tell him that actually we don't use it anymore and substitute the word mute.
Then tell him, your child just doesn't say much.

Why do people get so offended when older people use the terms they were brought up with. You just correct them.

This will upset some people so I'll say first of all that the following statement is NOT my words, but something I read online by another deaf person (an article somewhere I think) and it's always stuck with me.

She basically said "deaf and dumb" is the deaf equivalent of the N word

With respect a deaf person has come on to say it is offensive so I'll be taking their lead, personally

With respect one person doesn't speak for all deaf people and you don't even know if the person who typed that is deaf.

Mute can mean choosing not to speak
Yes the queen couldn't say her own name

pannany There are deaf people who argue for the word deaf, especially those who are part of deaf culture. I know amongst professionals the preferred term is hearing impaired, but a large number of deaf people disagree politically with that term.

I was born in the late sixties, so grew up during the seventies and early eighties. Dumb meaning unable to speak was in common parlance then.

There was even a Deaf and Dumb Society and it wasn't considered offensive at all. The names have changed now, probably due to the more modern meaning of the word dumb.

My parents are the same age as your grandad. Like many of that generation, these words were normal terminology and they don't necessarily realise that it has changed.

Your grandad was being old fashioned, not intentionally rude or offensive. Of course you ought to consider giving him the courtesy of at least an explanation.

Somewhere along the lines of "sorry if I came across as oversensitive earlier, but the word "dumb" now has rather different connotations to what it used to have, and is therefore dropping out of regular use. I wasn't aware of it's former meaning, but I am now more informed and aware that you did not mean to offend me".

Honestly, he is an elderly man. He might be bewildered by your reaction. Patch it up and make him happy.

Sorry, I am early 30's!

Did you seriously think it was about a stupid person?

I've never given it much thought, I just sing along 🤷‍♀️

Yes, YABU

I suggest you do what Topseyt suggests.

And if a Grandad came on here and said that it simply meant 'unable to speak' would you take their lead, as well?

Well no, because they aren't speaking on behalf of deaf people

sunshineNdaisies

You seem to be purposefully misunderstanding the phrase for the sake of being offended.

It does not mean deaf and stupid, as many pp have already explained.

Thanks @Topseyt that's good advice!

Are you serious? How old are you? Is this a phrase that's disappearing???

Disappeared in about 1970! When grandad was about 36 years old!

Dumb is used in a horrible way today. Dumb simply means can’t speak and was usually used for the hard of hearing community
, as in deaf and dumb. Your Grandad was just using the terminology that would have been acceptable in his youth. Don’t be too offended, he’s probably just worried that your DS isn’t saying anything and didn’t phrase it as well as he could have.

My fil also referred to ds as 'dumb', when he was younger (ds was completely non verbal until he was 5 and has a severe speech disorder). I did jump a little inside when he said it because I think of dumb to = stupid, but I also knew that fil is old and did not mean this (he blustered and said, "or mute....I'm not sure what they call it now"

Why don't you now just clear up the misunderstanding with your grandad? Explain to him how it happened.

You seem hellbent on just getting validation for being offended where it is clear that no offence was intended. A simple explanation was surely all that was necessary, not your apparent determination to be up in arms about it.

OK, cross post there. I see your last update so ignore my last post.

Give him a call and sort it.

Why is everyone assuming the grandad meant dumb to mean non verbal, especially since the granddad has heard ds speak, albeit limited vocabulary. That doesnt make much sense.

I'm not deaf (although I do have hearing loss), but I do know that deaf and Deaf are completely different things, and I think some people might be mixing them up. It's getting a little confusing to follow.

another deaf person (an article somewhere I think) and it's always stuck with me . . . basically said "deaf and dumb" is the deaf equivalent of the N word

I remember a friend's Mum, who was deaf from childhood being called that sometimes. The tone was very insulting. However I always thought the offence comes from the assumption that deaf people can't talk, which is nonsense. I wonder now whether it's because of the double meaning of dumb. I remember someone once telling me that my friend's Mum was "a mute" (she didn't realise I knew her) and I found that equally offensive.

When I was young we watched the film about Helen Keller who was "deaf, dumb and blind" and knew it well. Wikipedia now calls her deaf-blind but there are contemporary quotes on there that say "deaf, dumb and blind."

Random, OP did say that her DS does not speak much. Her grandad was referring to that.