My grandad today asked if my almost 2yo is 'dumb' -

[GunpowderGelatine]

My son, who is 22 months old, doesn't say very much. Mummy, daddy, doggy, bye, hiya, etc. He tries with other words like "outside" but just says 'side' or 'tairs' when he means 'downstairs'. I'm not concerned, his sister was pretty much having conversations at this age but I know it's senseless comparing the two of them. DS is very alert, engages really well and takes an interest in most things and people around him.

My grandad, who is 84, asked me today if he was saying much. I was honest and said no but he's getting there. Then he said "Be honest with me now, is he...dumb?" (He has to think about how to phrase the last word).

WTAF. I said no and don't ever call him anything like that again. He thinks I'm being sensitive and that I need to take him to the doctor. AIBU to be upset or am I being defensive?

Older generations still use words that are unacceptable in this day and age. Don't think it's done out of unkindness just an entrenched phrasing. I'm also wondering if he meant 'dumb' in the deaf sense due to mispronounced and unclear words?

Impossible to say if your ds is speech delayed. My ds didn't day much at this age and does have SN.

Some kids are just a little delayed. Some do have SN. But I'd say as you have an older child and you're not concerned then I wouldn't worry right now. I'd not rule out any difficulties though as early intervention is key if there are any.

as a deaf person, "deaf and dumb" is extremely offensive, like the most offensive thing you can say to me. Deaf people are not dumb

But that's because you only see dumb as meaning stupid, why would you be offended by someone using the word to mean unable to speak, as I've said above I had no idea deaf and dumb had become something we no longer say, if I said that I would in no way be being offensive to anyone, I didn't get the memo to tell me not to say it, maybe the grandad didn't either

Just reiterating that when someone says "dumb" to me, (I'm about twenty years younger than your grandfather, OP) I immediately think "unable to speak" or "mute", rather than the Americanism that using "dumb" as "stupid" is.

Honestly, I’d apologise to your grandad and explain that the meaning of the word has changed bow. he’s probably worried he’s said something wrong, when he was just trying to show concern.

@zzzz I would have said selective mutism is a can't, rather than doesn't. I had it at school, and that was my experience of it - I desperately wanted to, and I tried to talk, but my body wouldn't comply.

Maybe it's just a case of different use in different areas... I dunno, it's not really the point of the thread, and the more I think about it, the more confused I get

OK fair enough about the meaning being 'mute' rather than 'stupid' but I still don't think it's an appropriate thing to say about a child who is clearly fine.

Are you going to apologise to him?

No. What for?

You are being unreasonable however to teach any child 'Hiya' instead of 'Hello'.
I cringe and judge when I hear that

🤣🤣🤣 oh my god get a life

sunshineNdaisies - well, you might be highly qualified, but your English vocabulary is a bit lacking if you only know "dumb" as the Americanism for "stupid"! Or you're very young - for which be thankful

Have you ever heard the song "Pinball Wizard"? It's about Tommy, a deaf/blind and mute lad. Includes the line: "That deaf, dumb and blind kid sure plays mean pinball

I absolutely love that song but I never gave much thought to the lyrics! 

I'm in the US and yes, 'dumb' is considered offensive when used in the context of speech issues. We'd say 'deaf and mute' or better yet, 'deaf and non-oral/non-verbal'.

OP is not in the US though, is she? Your argument is therefore pointless here.

Are you serious? How old are you? Is this a phrase that's disappearing???

Yes I'm serious  I obviously k ow what dead means but I didn't know 'dumb' in the context of 'deaf and dumb'

You had to google deaf and dumb?? 😂😂 he meant dumb as in can't or won't speak I would assume

dumb as in not being able to speak isn't offensive at all.

With respect a deaf person has come on to say it is offensive so I'll be taking their lead, personally

What is not ‘nice’ about a term used to indicate mutism ? It is less used now but it shouldn’t be mixed up with the casual Americanism meaning stupid, which is a recent import to the UK.

Dumb means not speaking yet to many in the older generation,not stupid.

Because it does mean 'stupid' to a great many people and whichever way you see it it's a poor choice of words, and seemingly outdated.

My grandad is lovely and we get on, I probably am being sensitive, and I will explain the confusion when I see him. If 'dumb' means 'mute' though he is mistaken as my son does talk to my grandad he calls him 'papa' (which is what his sister calls him) so I think his concern is a tad overzealous

OP - the deaf person in question has made it clear that they only understand the word "dumb" in the American sense of "stupid" and that is why they object to the use of the word in conjunction with deaf, even though it actually means "unable to speak" or "mute", neither of which terms are derogatory, but they are descriptive.

Aw, give your grandad a break here

My grandad was worried about my eldest at one point - he just couldn’t believe how any child could have so much energy, and had forgotten how his own kids used to be. But he wasn’t being nasty, he was just worried.

"Dumb means not speaking yet to many in the older generation,not stupid."

It doesn't just mean that to the older generation, it's one of the definitions.
OP you haven't given your age even though I asked you. I'm trying to figure out how you've never heard such a common expression?

So you love Pinball Wizard where the very premise is that Tommy is deaf and dumb but you didn't know what deaf and dumb was?

Did you seriously think it was about a stupid person?

I wouldn't worry, my daughter was 2 in May and she still doesn't speak 😭😭😭 I went to a speech and language drop in with her in August and they've put her on the list. Unfortunately it's a 9 month wait. There are sounds there so I'm hoping she'll speak soon 🙄🙄🙄. My 8 year old son was the same and it actually turns out he's autistic. He's 8 now and doing brilliantly at school... and doesn't shut up.

@Choutted I have a boy who couldn't speak so was non verbal. He definitely wasn't mute as he still used he voice constantly. He was never silent.

I have another who has chosen not to speak, quite recently. He is almost completely silent in 99.9% of situations. He doesn't even laugh out loud. I wouldn't describe him as nonverbal. He can write quite eloquently. He is mute.

I'm 65 and dumb always meant mute. Your granddad was only asking you if your son was non verbal and just to be honest with him if there were any issues your son had that you were keeping from him - to spare him.

Your grand dad was being nice to you.

My son will be 2 the end of January. Hes not really saying words yet just makes animal noises and car noises. Trys "bus" but says buuuu hes moderately deaf though

It doesn't just mean that to the older generation, it's one of the definitions.

I know but not commonly used now. i'm 47 and would say mute as I am acutely aware of the increasingly PC world we live in.

Your poor grandad! He was trying to ask if your child has speech problems, and he used a perfectly common term for it as he understood it.
And you jumped all over him with "don't you ever say that", poor guy. He must feel horrified.
It was your lack of vocabulary not him being offensive. I think you owe him an explanation and apology for your reaction. He was expressing concern and care.