To ask what you’d do if single, childless and likely to stay that way?

[muddywatersedge]

Aged 38.

There has been PP that have more or less stated that children make you unhappy or have a unhappy marriage or skint or whatever. I have read the posts.

And I've read the posts saying that those who dont' have kids are 'unnatural'.

And your children may not exist. But children as a group do.

So what? Like I've said, I've nothing against children 'as a group' and know they bring great joy to many. I just don't want any of my own.

Ok Icedpurple. I’m done

I don't think I ever heard the term 'child free' as a way of defining people who don't want children before I came onto MN. In RL, we speak of 'child free time', referring to times when parents are away from their children for some 'me time' or 'couple time'. As a mum, I love having that occasionally.

I do understand why the word 'childless' might have a stigma to it still, though, as it used to be used to describe 'barren' women.

One thing I think is true, these terms are only really used to define women. It's as if a woman's whole existence is defined by whether or not she's had children, regardless of what else she may have achieved in her life. That just isn't true of men.

@IcedPurple

Official yawn fest now and how do you have time to reply so frequently? Never mind zzzzzzzzz

And where are the links to these studies everyone is on about?

And where’s your explanation about the relevance of ABCDE to this thread?

Can someone directly
Link to these studies. Are they recent medical journals or what am I missing by not knowing what icedpurple seems to know?

Official yawn fest now and how do you have time to reply so frequently? Never mind zzzzzzzzz

That's your response?

And you think people should be taking advice about life changing decisions from you?

Can someone directly
Link to these studies

Someone already did.....

I’d do:

Tall ships sailing
Glass making and glass fusing
Turn the garden into a wilderness
Keep pigs and chickens
Get a dog
Take high powered roles
Volunteer more with local groups
Etc

but the option of having a child or not, won't always be there
She will run out of time to choose

Yep. Just as you ran out of time to choose when you had your first child. You became a mother and forever gave up the option to remain child free.

You seem happy with your choice. I absolutely believe you're happy with your choice. I just wonder what in the name of all that's holy made you think that those of us who have chosen not to have children — and are happy with our choices — might possibly have been lying?

Thank god there are plenty of people who happily choose not to have kids. The world’s population is already out of control

Official yawn fest now and how do you have time to reply so frequently? Never mind zzzzzzzzz

Because we haven't got any screaming kids to deal with!

@IcedPurple has made some excellent contributions to the debate. Must you really be so obtuse?

chocolala I used to like gardening and then I had ds. Now I have the wilderness you mention. It takes no time at all.

I quite like reports that women without children can be happy. I like to think that one day I will be happy without the children I wanted.

Can someone directly Link to these studies

They have, a page or two back. Can you directly address the points put to you?

As you requested Studies have been linked and discussed
Maybe you can elaborate upon your (mis)understanding of ABCDE assessment

@stevie

Yep. Just as you ran out of time to choose when you had your first child. You became a mother and forever gave up the option to remain child free.

This is so true.

The way some people talk, becoming a mother is an 'experience' like hiking around China or trying sky diving - do it while you're still young and energetic and if you find you don't like it, no biggie. But of course it isn't. Having a child is going to radically change the rest of your life, forever and close off all sorts of other experiences. Which isn't to say that for very many people, it isn't absolutely the right thing to do, but to say "Oh do it now because time is running out" is daft.

I just can't get over the arrogance of the assumption that if we say we don't want kids we must be lying or have left it too late! No I've never fancied it and still dont.

Also some f olk just don't meet anyone decent til they are older through no fault of their own.

Some folk don’t want kids, can’t understand the big drama or visceral reaction to it
No biggie actually. It’s not biological destiny to want or crave a child

Exactly that. Re-taught myself to ride a bike, bought a Head MTB. Now I call it My Preciousssssssssss.
Good thing about it - I can take as much time as I want, all by myself, go different places, and it doesn't look weird if I do it alone and often.
Got to meet a whole community - many of them have been living and riding alone for years and decades.

It’s hilarious that mumto2 is demanding links to studies when a) they’ve already been posted and she clearly hasn’t read them and b) she has openly admitted that she goes by the latest publication- that’s the level of critical appraisal of a publication she engages in. Nothing to do with the impact factor, what type of study, the assessments used, the statistical analysis used, the population they chose etc etc, nope, it’s whichever one is shiniest and newest. Whoever posted that she just watches House is bang on the money, I reckon!

Wow I've just caught up with the thread and amazed people are still trotting out the 'its unnatural' line. That's the kind of BS my DF comes out with, he can't understand women who don't want children (never says anything about the men though, funny that).

Also, I think maybe all this search for 'meaning' and so on is just a recipe for being unhappy. Does there have to be an over-arching meaning to everything/your life? I say this as someone who has probably spent far too much time thinking about it.

travel! Travel TRAVEL! TRAVEL!