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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you’d do if single, childless and likely to stay that way?

468 replies

muddywatersedge · 19/10/2018 13:41

Aged 38.

OP posts:
itsbritneybiatches · 19/10/2018 13:44

If it was me I think I'd go on as many holidays as I could.

I'd concentrate on my career (for me that would be looking for another job but would mean I'd be uk wise based rather than working from home as I do now).

What makes you happy?

bowdownbeforelokitty · 19/10/2018 13:44

Get on with my life quite happily. Single and not having children is the default setting.

Lucky34 · 19/10/2018 13:44

Travel as much a possible!!

Original poster
muddywatersedge · 19/10/2018 13:45

Who would you go on holiday with ... Just alone?

OP posts:
lastqueenofscotland · 19/10/2018 13:46

I’m a bit younger than you but in that predicament. I love it Blush
Get to be the cool aunt/godmother without any of the less cool bits of child rearing
Can afford to keep a nice lifestyle without making a fortune
No partner to whinge about mess too.
Plenty of me time

I’m not trying to sound facetious, I think it’s important to look at the positives. Also I think having lived alone since the age of 18 I’ve got inherently incredibly selfish and don’t see how a partner or child would fit into my lifestyle now Blush

Original poster
muddywatersedge · 19/10/2018 13:48

If you’d love it why didn’t you? Not meaning to sound awkward genuine question ...

OP posts:
LucyMorningStar · 19/10/2018 13:48

I'd join navy or army or RAF. Couldn't do it because of family and the now ex husband shouting dramatically 'But you will be killing people!' - massive eyeroll....

Basically I would relocate somewhere obscure for a fantastic job.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 19/10/2018 13:48

No idea although the childless part is something that may be my fate. I have said to dp, if that happens and if by a certain age we haven't had children, I am fucking off somewhere else. Dont know where yet or what we will do, but I just can't face working 9-5 forever.

lastqueenofscotland · 19/10/2018 13:49

I meant I am single and childless and I love it

stevie69 · 19/10/2018 13:49

Enjoy it Smile

redexpat · 19/10/2018 13:51

Make sure I was saving enough for my old age. Get a flat or house that would be good for an oap to live in.

Eat good food. Drink good wine.

Travel. Go to concerts. Take evening classes in anything I fancy.

Tell my perinium how much I love it.

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 19/10/2018 13:52

Sleep

CountessVonBoobs · 19/10/2018 13:52

I'd take a job abroad.

Ignoramusgiganticus · 19/10/2018 13:52

Rent your house out and work abroad.

Go on holidays which are likely to appeal to single travellers. Or look for holidays specialising in them.

Look at the situation positively. There are many pluses, as the tired stressed parents illustrate on here. Enjoy being selfish and do whatever you fancy doing, for as long as you want to.

Feefeetrixabelle · 19/10/2018 13:54

I’m in that position and I love it. Suits me perfectly. Are you in this situation OP?

Ennirem · 19/10/2018 13:55

Whatever I damn well pleased!!! :) Do whatever I liked, when I liked. Enjoy being in a flat alone a lot. Write more. Waste even more time than I already do on Mumsnet (except I probably never would have found it in the first place, so Guardian Comment Is Free).

Depends on your circs. Employed or not (if so, happily?)? Close nice family or not? Any other commitments/restrictions?

My friend became a Busabout tour guide for 2 years. She bloody loved it and made loads of friends and no money. She was 31. Worth a thought for a complete holiday from reality!

goingonabearhunt1 · 19/10/2018 13:59

I don't have children either and not planning to; sometimes I too wonder what the 'focus' of my life should be as I'm not particularly career minded. But I enjoy simple things like sleep Grin If you get involved in lots of things (volunteering, local groups etc.) you might also meet some interesting people - which could lead to a partner and/or more friends potentially...

Ennirem · 19/10/2018 14:00

@redexpat

Tell my perinium how much I love it.

rotfl

itsbritneybiatches · 19/10/2018 14:01

On holiday with friends if they wanted to. On my own if they didn't fancy it.

I'm happy with a book and a bottle of wine or surfing the internet. Or people watching.

Darkstar4855 · 19/10/2018 14:02

When I was single I learned to scuba dive which led to loads of travel as you meet people to go with and can also go on trips on your own.

You might not necessarily fancy diving but taking up a hobby or activity can be a good way to find more social opportunities and holidays as a single person.

Viviene · 19/10/2018 14:03

I'd go and live where I want to live and not where I have to because of the DP and DC.
I'd travel the world, eat out several times per week, exercise a lot and I'd drive a fast car.
I bloody loved being single.

Frosty66611 · 19/10/2018 14:05

Holidays alone can be fantastic. I enjoy my own company though and never feel boredom. I love having the time to read lots of good books, go for long walks, cook whatever I fancy, listen to music loud whenever I want. I go to the cinema alone too. Some people are natural loners but I can imagine for someone who prefers the company of others it could be very challenging to be single and childless unless you have some good friends and family to fill your time with.
Is having children something that’s very important to you? Or do you feel like it’s something you “should” be doing at your age because of societal pressures?

Luangwa · 19/10/2018 14:07

I'd consider living on my own in a flat to be absolute bliss! At least your life is your own!

I'd go on holiday with companies like Exodus, Jules Verne, Wendy Wu....it does not matter if you are on your own, if its a group tour!

Loopytiles · 19/10/2018 14:07

If I really wanted DC I would investigate options for going it alone, eg via donated sperm.

If I didn’t wish to go down that road I’d pursue work things I really wanted to do , consider where I’s enjoy living, and decide what I fancied doing with my available time and money, both short and medium term. In my case that would have meant changing careers and cities!

bibliomania · 19/10/2018 14:08

I was in that situation till I was 33, when I sort of forced the issue by getting pregnant (by completely the wrong man - not suggesting it's a brilliant idea!) I'm anticipating being in that situation again by my early 50s, when DD is off dong her own thing - can't really picture myself being coupled up. I think it can be a really good life, but it's only fair to acknowledge that it can be lonely too at times.

I would/did move around a lot to do different jobs, and it was great to be free to do what really interested me, as opposed to jobs where I could get home in time for nursery/school pick-up. I did travel a lot, and it was great, although again, "table for one" yet again can be a bit wearing. In that situation now, I think I'd join up with the group trips for solo travellers.

It's important not to get too stuck into a routine - you've got to keep trying new things and challenging yourself. What does an authentic life feel like to you, and what do you need to do to get it?