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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inappropriate interview question, or not?

114 replies

Pigletpoglet · 19/10/2018 08:09

In an interview for a job which involves being away from home 1 night every 2 months.
Background - Earlier in the interview, I had already commented that one of several reasons I had left my old job was that working 60-70 hours per week was incompatible with family life, and I had mentioned that I had a daughter.
I was asked at the end of the interview 'would you have any issues managing the nights away, in terms of your family commitments?'
Were they U or not? (disclaimer - I'm not convinced they would have asked the same question to the 50yr old bloke waiting to go in after me...)

OP posts:
Original poster
Pigletpoglet · 19/10/2018 08:09

Edit - the nights away were clearly stated in the job description - this wasn't new information.

OP posts:
TenForward82 · 19/10/2018 08:11

Inappropriate. As you say, they wouldn't have asked a bloke.

MynameisJune · 19/10/2018 08:12

It’s a fair question, you mentioned family. They have a role to fill, if you can’t fill the requirements you can’t fill them. If you have a partner or grandparent or whoever who can look after your daughter then surely that’s what you tell them?

I don’t necessarily think it’s discrimination.

Thesmallthings · 19/10/2018 08:12

No I dont think they are bu. It's part of the job and needed to know if you could do it.

Would you be happy that they just assumed you could do it?

CherryPavlova · 19/10/2018 08:12

It’s perfectly reasonable to ask whether you could manage the nights away. It’s not really on to suggest children might impact on that or on their decision. You’d have a hard time proving it though.

Thesmallthings · 19/10/2018 08:12

And I also dont see why they wouldn't ask a man.

OliviaStabler · 19/10/2018 08:15

Not inappropriate to ask about being able to fulfil a necessary part of the job especially as you had given work / life balance as a reason you left your last job.

purplemunkey · 19/10/2018 08:16

I think as you'd already said you left your old job as it was incompatible with family life, it's a fair question. They probably would have asked the same of any candidate who had already mentioned the same - male or female.

If they'd have asked you without any of that background it would have been inappropriate as they'd have been making assumptions about you being a mother and treating you differently.

dizzydaisies · 19/10/2018 08:16

They've asked because you've said during the interview that you left a job because it didn't fit with family commitments. You can't be annoyed that they want to make sure the requirements of this job would be suitable.

Totally appropriate question in these circumstances.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 19/10/2018 08:16

Normally I would say it was inappropriate. But since you were the one who raised the issue of family commitments and cited this as a reason for leaving your previous job, I'm don't think they were unreasonable to check that you were happy with the proposed set up.

cjb57 · 19/10/2018 08:17

You raised it as an issue, they clarified from their POV. Not unreasonable at all.

SequinsOnEverything · 19/10/2018 08:17

I think if the man behind you had said what you had about reasons for leaving his past job, then yes they would ask him the same.

I think in this situation it was fine to ask.

Villanellesproudmum · 19/10/2018 08:18

I have to stay overnight occasionally with my job, my boss always asks if I’m ok with childcare, no problem for me. Nice she cares.

Thenewdoctor · 19/10/2018 08:20

I think appropriate given you mentioned family life as reason for leaving old job.

Darkstar4855 · 19/10/2018 08:20

I don’t think it was inappropriate given that you said your previous job was incompatible with family life. I think it’s a reasonable question and I think it’s good that they gave you the opportunity to confirm that it wouldn’t be an issue rather than just saying nothing and not giving you the job.

Bluntness100 · 19/10/2018 08:20

I also think it's fair as you told them you left your last job as it was not compatible with family commitments and arguably this one is not either, as nights away most people would classify as work, so it's the same sort of hours.

I would also assume if a man said that's why he left his last job they'd also ask him.

LuluBellaBlue · 19/10/2018 08:21

What would happen if they didn’t check, offered you the position and then you cited family as a reason for not being able to do it?
I think they were right to check.

Original poster
Pigletpoglet · 19/10/2018 08:21

Thanks for replies. In the interview I just explained that it would be fine. But then thinking about it afterwards started to wonder whether they should have asked or not.
Sorry to dripfeed, but for context we are talking about 3-4 days work every couple of months, including 1 night away. Not a full time role!

OP posts:
UnderMajorDomoMinor · 19/10/2018 08:24

It’s appropriate as it directly relates to the job spec.

nikkylou · 19/10/2018 08:25

It's a difficult one. You have indicated to them that you have children and you left you previous job because it was incompatible.
In some ways they are following up on that, are you sure that this role is compatible?
They also said family, possibly a better word choice would have been personal. But they are asking if you would have any issues managing nights away.
For all you know they did ask the bloke.
It may well be on the job ad clearly, but they don't know you have remembered. It's clearly a key part of the role and they want to make sure you are picking up on that.

Bluntness100 · 19/10/2018 08:26

It's still fair enough op, nights away are often difficult for some parents, and you've already said you had to leave a job because of family commitments, there is nothing wrong with them clarifying.

Who wants to take someone on who then says they can't do that element of it. Employers do have some rights you know.

HelmetHair1 · 19/10/2018 08:27

I think it was inappropriate. Fine for them to ask if you could commit to it, but not fine to suggest that your DC might make it an issue.

kmc1111 · 19/10/2018 08:29

I always ask whether travel will be an issue, despite it being in the job description. People apply for jobs despite not meeting the basic criteria all the time.

Mentioning it in the context of your family commitments wasn’t ideal, but that kind of goes both ways. In this case you brought up your child and work/life balance on your own. If you bring up things like that, the interviewer will assume it’s somehow relevant.

MissusGeneHunt · 19/10/2018 08:30

I had a good one once - 'Do you have children and can you manage that around your job?' - Wow....! Needless to say when asked if I could attend a final interview, I declined. I suppose at least it wasn't veiled...

OP - this is tricky as on one hand they are asking if you can do nights away and is that OK as that's the job, but the fact they slipped the family thing in, probably isn't. I wouldn't necessarily say it was discrimination but it's the 'underhand' questioning which is leaning towards being not on.

DerelictWreck · 19/10/2018 08:31

Absolutely fine to ask because you had told them you left your old job because it wasn't compatible with family life! If I was interviewing and a guy had said that, I'd ask him to same question.

If you hadn't mentioned that's why you'd left, then it would be inappropriate, yes.