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AIBU?

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Original poster

Inappropriate interview question, or not?

114 replies

Pigletpoglet · 19/10/2018 08:09

In an interview for a job which involves being away from home 1 night every 2 months.
Background - Earlier in the interview, I had already commented that one of several reasons I had left my old job was that working 60-70 hours per week was incompatible with family life, and I had mentioned that I had a daughter.
I was asked at the end of the interview 'would you have any issues managing the nights away, in terms of your family commitments?'
Were they U or not? (disclaimer - I'm not convinced they would have asked the same question to the 50yr old bloke waiting to go in after me...)

OP posts:
Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 19/10/2018 08:35

In a previous role I had to work away from home a couple of days a week. I was asked about how I would manage that against family commitments. Perfectly reasonable question - I'd discussed and agreed it with DW beforehand so had sensible responses. So yes - men do get asked this kind of question as well.

LostInShoebiz · 19/10/2018 08:38

When we interview we ask everyone about travel and solo international travel - man or woman (though we are 80% women). We don’t know this interviewer didn’t ask everyone but if they did ask only women then, yes, not on.

Sexykitten2005 · 19/10/2018 08:44

They didn’t say children they said family commitments. Mr 50 year old bloke might have two aged parents to care for on his own or 10 children by 10 different women he sees on rotation. You don’t know.
That wasn’t an inappropriate question at all given the job required some overnights

Bluntness100 · 19/10/2018 08:45

Agree, they could easily have asked a man,

The main issue here is the op went to this interview, told them she left a previous job because of family commitments and explained she had a child. As such it's a fair question in response.

It would be inappropriate if she had not raised the fact she was a parent, or that she had had to leave a previous job because of it, but she went to this interview and discussed her family life.

Gatehouse77 · 19/10/2018 08:45

YOU raised the issue!

crenellations · 19/10/2018 08:48

If it's a requirement of the job description (or person specification) then they need to ask about it and would probably ask all candidates. That's the case where I work.

diddl · 19/10/2018 08:49

I don't think that it was innappropriate.

You left your left your other job as 60/70hrs a week was too much.

It's not a stretch to think that overnights might also be too much.

Bluntness100 · 19/10/2018 08:51

Exactly she raised it, arguably its unprofessional to go to an interview and start discussing your family commitments, but you can't complain when you do if they ask a personal clarifying question in response.

When you have to leave a job due to parenting commitments, and interviewing for a new job with nights away, I think any reasonable interviewer would ask to clarify it wasn't going to be a problem for you.

Otherwise you risk th situation that the person you hire says "well I can't do the nights away, I did tell you at interview I struggled with family commitments".

ShalomJackie · 19/10/2018 08:52

Of course it is appropriate when you have already said leaving a job due to family commitments.

BangingOn · 19/10/2018 08:53

I ask everyone I interview whether they are happy to travel and have nights away- it’s an important part of the role and I need to be upfront about that to ensure fairness on both sides. If someone had talked about their family life and balance already I’d want to be really clear on what the role entails to ensure they are happy with it.

m00rfarm · 19/10/2018 08:55

I guess it is because we are on mumsnet that people are upset by the questions. I have a son, and at an interview, I would more than likely ask candidates with children whether they could manage children around the job. I know how hard it can be, and if they do not have sufficient back up with partners, parents or child care professionals, then it may be that they are not suitable for the role. In a small company you need to employ the most suitable person.

flumpybear · 19/10/2018 08:56

You opened that family door thing tbf

They could have handled it better though , ie this time expects XYZ, we're just confirming with everyone that this is possible with your support network as you mentioned family earlier and problems with your last job

Your answer - yes, it's good to be able to discuss openly as it's not usually broached in interviews but yes occasional travel is fine and something I'd enjoy. I couldn't maintain every week at 60-70 hours incessantly that was my issue

Corcra · 19/10/2018 08:57

I would expect to be asked this for such a role and I’d think they’d ask everyone. Aren’t they just checking, looking for reassurance that the candidates can fulfill the role.

MyBrexitGoesOnHoliday · 19/10/2018 08:57

Inappropriate because they specifically asked about it linked with family commitment.
The nights away were specified in the role description. And as you said, I doubt they asked the 50yo man coming after you.

Having said, I wouodnt have said I was leaving my other job due to family commitment either because I’m sure it raised alarm bells for them too (been there, done that!) Which might be the reason for the question.

4merlyknownasSHD · 19/10/2018 09:01

Whether or not you had expressed the reasons for leaving your last job, they absolutely needed to ask you that question. IMO, I would agree with what LostInShoebiz said....to a point. But it would have been inappropriate to not ask the man the same question as that would have made the assumption that his wife/partner would automatically be there for the children. My wife is a nurse and any of the three shifts (early, late or night would have caused a problem if I was away. Indeed, on the occasions I was, she had to take Annual Leave.

auntyflonono · 19/10/2018 09:03

Its only inappropriate if they didn't ask all the candidates, male and female.

IamDrWho · 19/10/2018 09:04

Totally reasonable in the context that you mentioned you were leaving the previous role due to incompatibility with family life and staying away is essential to this role.

notfromstepford · 19/10/2018 09:07

I think it's a appropriate question too especially as you cited family as the reason for leaving your last job.

When I've interviewed for jobs that require travel/staying away even though it's clearly stated in the ad, we always double check that it is OK - with every candidate male or female.

It's not just people with children, there are people with pets, or looking after elderly parents for example. It just reinforces that it IS part of the role, it does have to be done and anyone who thinks that maybe they can take the job an negotiate not to travel once they've started - think again.

Bluewidow · 19/10/2018 09:13

But you yourself mentioned family commitments with your precious role so you set alarm
Bells ringing to them I'm
Afraid . I would never go into a job interview and say that even if it's the truth.

ADastardlyThing · 19/10/2018 09:16

Fine to ask as long as they ask everyone. Although I tend to just ask "do you have any commitments and so on that might mean flexibility regards travelling might be an issue?"

SassitudeandSparkle · 19/10/2018 09:20

One night away is a 48 hour chunk of time though including the days either side and you already said that you thought long hours were 'incompatible with family life' and had left a job previously. I can see why you would think the question inappropriate, but I can also see the interviewer's side if you've already said you don't like long hours and the job involves long hours (even occasionally).

ADastardlyThing · 19/10/2018 09:20

Gah just seen you mentioned family commitments as a reason for leaving your last role.

They were right to double check, even though its stated in the advert it's fine to check again so they can note down that they confirmed in case they need to refer back to it in the event you refuse to travel etc.

Chickychoccyegg · 19/10/2018 09:24

I think it's fine, as it's part of the job description and i dont see why they wouldnt ask everyone that question, you're looking too much into it x

happychange · 19/10/2018 09:27

as part of my interview script prescribed by my large multinational company is a question that I have to ask: are you able to travel away from home for 5 days a week.
So I would say the question is reasonable.. maybe they shouldn't have added the part about in light of your family commitments

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/10/2018 09:28

I had already commented that one of several reasons I had left my old job was that working 60-70 hours per week was incompatible with family life, and I had mentioned that I had a daughter.

I would have thought the question asked was prompted by the above. They weren't BU to ask imo.