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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Inappropriate interview question, or not?

114 replies

Pigletpoglet · 19/10/2018 08:09

In an interview for a job which involves being away from home 1 night every 2 months.
Background - Earlier in the interview, I had already commented that one of several reasons I had left my old job was that working 60-70 hours per week was incompatible with family life, and I had mentioned that I had a daughter.
I was asked at the end of the interview 'would you have any issues managing the nights away, in terms of your family commitments?'
Were they U or not? (disclaimer - I'm not convinced they would have asked the same question to the 50yr old bloke waiting to go in after me...)

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 19/10/2018 09:35

We specifically check that all potential candidates are OK with occasional evening, weekend and nights away working when we recruit, even though its in the job description, because we really need staff who will occasionally do those things. Despite them being in the job description you do get the odd candidate who then tells you that no, actually they can't.

JamAtkins · 19/10/2018 09:37

Reasonable to ask as it’s part of the role and it can’t be assumed. At my work we say “this role involves working X shifts, will you be able to commit to that?” . We don’t say anything about family commitments but that is the main reason why anyone would say no. Everyone is asked regardless of sex

sprinkleofsunshine · 19/10/2018 09:39

I don't think that's unreasonable, they may have worded it differently for a bloke but they likely still may have asked if working away would have been a problem for him also. Also you said you mentioned a daughter so seems reasonable to ask, if the next guy didn't they may not have asked him as he didn't mention any family commitments.

BengalLioness · 19/10/2018 09:42

I don't think they were BU. They need to be sure you know what you're getting yourself into, especially as you left you're last job due to the hours and family commitments. They would need to understand what those commitments are in order to hire you in case it's not suitable for you. I am sure they would do the same if the other bloke said the same kind of thing.

serbska · 19/10/2018 09:43

I can;t believe you said you left your old job because it was incompatible for family life and shoehorned in you have a child. ugh.

Keep discussion of your children out of the process.

elessar · 19/10/2018 09:46

Technically from a legal point of view they probably shouldn't have asked the question connecting it with family as if you didn't the job and decided to take them to court over it they could be on dodgy ground if they can't prove that they asked the question to everyone else.

That said I think from a moral point of view you would be in the wrong for doing that and they were fine to ask the question given you had already flagged the issue yourself earlier in the interview

Fundays12 · 19/10/2018 09:47

I was a Recruitment Manager for years and would ask all candidates male or female that question to be sure they understood that it was something we would be expecting in the role and had thought about the implications of that frequent travelling. On the other side of this I took a job a few years ago and nobody thought it was a good idea to tell me I was going to be expected to travel overnight once a week. Ds1 was 12 months old at the time and their was no chance I was leaving him once a week overnight even if his dad is perfectly capable of looking after him on his own.

Bluntness100 · 19/10/2018 09:47

Yes, a surprising amount of people would go to interview knowing it's part of the job, then either claim they couldn't do the nights away or make it difficult ie I need x amount of notice, it has to be on x day of the week, and I can't do certain time frames and need to work around x y or z and if I can't work round then I can't do it.

They'd also then say well I did tell you at interview I had family commitments.

silvercuckoo · 19/10/2018 09:50

I don't think it is an unreasonable question. It is in the interests of both parties to make sure that the position and you are a good fit.
I usually volunteer information on my childcare arrangements, as gaps for maternity are clearly seen from my cv and everyone can deduce that I have small children - but are not allowed to ask more. Better to explain than for the prospective employer to automatically assume that I will be darting off at 5 every day.

MrsStrowman · 19/10/2018 09:52

I do a job that involves working away. At interview they reiterated that and asked if I was ok with that pattern, I said yes, I had no DCs and wasn't pregnant then. All of my colleagues male and female, with and without children were asked the same thing. They ask because they have had people take jobs before and then quit quite quickly due to the travel or ask if they can not do the travel, or travel less frequently (really not possible with the job). I think it's perfectly reasonable, you'd also said you have a child which would make some people not want to travel and everyone saying they wouldn't ask a man that is just making a huge assumption. I think the question was perfectly reasonable.

IzzyGrey · 19/10/2018 09:57

Of course it's a reasonable question! Totally relevant to the job and if you were going to have a problem with this then they'd not be able to hire you.

StaySafe · 19/10/2018 09:57

I think it was a huge mistake for OP to say anything about her family situation in the interview. I see this time and time again on application forms where female applicants refer to their children either as reasons for giving up a previous job or in the general information section.

afrikat · 19/10/2018 09:58

I do alot of recruiting and always check the candidate would be happy with some travel and nights away from home. I've never made reference to their family commitments though and think that was slightly inappropriate but given the reasons you had given for leaving your last job I understand why they did.

justfloatingpast · 19/10/2018 10:05

It was a fair question in the context. Also, it's unfair on other employees if someone is recruited for a job that requires some travel and weekend work and then cannot fulfil that requirement. It just means other employees end up being landed with extra work.

DarlingNikita · 19/10/2018 10:10

I'd usually be the first to condemn them for a question like this, but in this case I don't think you should have said you left your old job because of the hours being incompatible with family life. It was natural in that context that they should ask.

Sowhatifidosnore · 19/10/2018 10:11

YABU - you brought up the daughter not them.And if a man had mentioned a kid they would have asked the same too I think. All you had to say was no, DP will handle it. Unless you're a single mum?
I was asked would overnight travel or overseas travel be an issue for a job, as was my male colleague. Sometimes you just need to spell it out for applicants.

Barbie222 · 19/10/2018 10:12

How do you know they didn't ask everyone the same question? It could be a standard question if the job included travel - they've now got it on record that when the candidates were interviewed there were no issues around the nights away.

SlothMama · 19/10/2018 10:14

They may have had issues in the past with people not happy to be away from family. Basic question if the role requires overnight stays imo.

MrsGollach · 19/10/2018 10:20

Why is everyone so touchy these days? Of course it's an appropriate question.

Moreisnnogedag · 19/10/2018 10:26

I think its fine as you’d spoken about leaving your previous job because of family commitments. Whilst it isn’t a great deal of time some people would not conscience a night away or would massively struggle with it and so they were just clarifying.

FYI, I was asked (without previously mentioning it) whether I had children and what I would do for childcare in the interview for my current job. The HR person practically choked but I didn’t actually mind as I could at least lie tell them my childcare plans. They gave me the job and I’m still there. The boss who asked is a great guy and knowing him now probably genuinely meant it in a way so that they could see if they could help, and he wouldn’t have thought it could come across as sexist.

SpoonBlender · 19/10/2018 10:45

Totally reasonable question, checking commitments that might prevent work necessitated travel.

I've done exactly this with my hires, asking if they have any home commitments that'd make things tricky. I validated it with HR first (amongst many other possible questions). For context we post people over to other (international) offices for a week or two now and again when it serves the business and the person's training/growth needs.

By chance in my team only the guys have kids, one of them is primarily responsible for school run so needs a longer lead time when we plan work travel. This is useful for everyone to know., and our ability to work with him on it was a major point in his wanting to work for us.

Ilovecookiedough · 19/10/2018 10:45

They aren't meant to be able to ask questions or make comments on things like that but they do. I was very surprised when this actually happened to my husband, so it isn't necessarily just women this effects.

My husband career changed a few years ago. When he went to the interview to get onto the course he mentioned the motivation to change careers was that is current job was very antisocial hours and wasn't compatible with family life. He was rejected and the main reason in his feedback email was that he had a young family and they didn't think he'd be very committed to the course!!! I wanted him to complain to a higher body but he wouldn't, he just said I'm glad I found out they were like that I've had a lucky escape. He got onto a far better course in the end (he didn't mention he had children at interview) and completed it no problems, we had our second child at the start of the course too.

I'll be applying for jobs myself very soon, I'm going to try my best to keep the fact I have small children to myself.

CupMug · 19/10/2018 10:51

Of course it is appropriate when you have already said leaving a job due to family commitments

I agree

NicoAndTheNiners · 19/10/2018 10:54

It's fine to ask. They may well have asked the male candidates.

I've often been asked if I'm ok with the odd weekend of working in interviews - fine.

I was once asked how my boyfriend would feel with me working late into the evening if it would mean I wouldn't be cooking his dinner (seriously) - not fine.

Bluntness100 · 19/10/2018 10:54

I don't think you need to keep it to yourself, but if you lay it on the table as an issue surrounding anti social working hours, then I think you can't then say it's unreasonable for them to clarify.

I have been with my current company over twenty years, when I was interviewed it was by a panel of six men at the third round. I shit you not. It's a very male dominated industry I'm in. My daughter was six months old. I was asked the question and burst out laughing and said that's what my husband is for, she has two parents. Clearly I got the job.

I get that they aren't supposed to ask now, but for me, it was asked, I clarified, no big deal for either side. But to say they can't ask if you raise it is going a little too far in my view.

Clearly it's an important part of this role, it's not negotiable, so if someone puts forward they have potential restrictions, be it kids, pets, elderly relatives, whatever I think the interviewer would be remiss not to clarify and have the response on record.

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