To be judgy about screens at the table?

[PiperPublickOccurrences]

We're currently on holiday. Large family friendly resort, mix of families, couples, older people. Big, buffet style restaurant. Very relaxed vibe.

At dinner there was a large extended family at the next table, 5 adults and 4 preschool children. Every child had a phone or a tablet propped in front of them. None of the adults spoke to the children - including the baby who was at a push 8 months old. Children had plates of food put in front of them without a word and didn't take their eyes off the screen.

Aibu to find this all a bit depressing? I can just about understand using screens when it's absolutely essential that kids are quiet. But the restaurant is very informal with lots of kids around.

@IHeartKingThistle I've no doubt but I think OP was wrong to judge on one meal. Honestly when we used to take ours away the days were full on! They are too old to have had screens so yes it was cards and games in the evening as downtime. But limited screens as downtime I don't think is dreadful?

I think we're on the same page really, Really! 

For me anyway, meals should be about social interaction. That's what they are for adults, I want to bring my kids up in the same way.

I appreciate that's not the same for others and that's fine. As I said upthread I don't care what other people do.

So while we do have some screen time (though I try to keep a tight hold of it) it's particularly important that meal times are screen free.

Only the other day, I saw a whole family just reading books while eating their meal. To think, what these people are risking in their pursuit of this frivolous entertainment. We know this insidious reading contagion is morally dissolute and leads to acts of self-destruction. Shame on these parents.

This reading mania, or reading lust, as it has been called will see the dissolution of our society as we know it.

Even if they're not stressed out parents of four tiny children, my question still stands. What difference does it make to you/your family/your holiday if a group of people you don't know let their children have tablets during dinner? How does it impact on you, your family, or your holiday?

Oh sorry, wrong century, as you were.

@IHeartKingThistle I think we are! 

YANBU. Lazy parenting. They won't learn to eat out unless they have the screens removed and they're talked to/entertained

YANBU. Lazy parenting. They won't learn to eat out unless they have the screens removed and they're talked to/entertained

You do realise you don't know these people don't you? You've no idea if they are lazy parents?

I never ever allowed ds screens while in a restaurant, but that would be because they weren't invented yet 😂

What I did do was give him a colouring book or toy to distract him with instead while he was not actively eating. Can I say, hand on heart i would not give him a phone or tablet while waiting for a meal and bored because adults are taking about boring adult things? No I can't and to be honest I don't see the big deal, so I won't judge those that do. 🤔

At least a phone is more portable and less likely to get lost when out and about than his favourite dinosaur. 🦖 😂

An 8 month old propped in front of a phone?! That's grim...

I'm pretty judgey about this too OP. I had two under two so I can completely understand the urge to hand over the phone to a toddler to keep them quiet, but it's really not a good move. Yes they'll be quiet in that moment, but long term you're causing yourself more headaches when your child ends up with a poor attention span, poor table manners and tantrums more because they know you'll hand over the screen to shush them.

Eating out for us is about ds being in a place other than home or school ( something that is not easy for him), trying new foods ( we are lucky that he will do this) and learning to manage his own behaviour the best he can. It is learning social skills but it is his version of them.

I agree to a certain extent but was actually guilty of this on holiday myself. We did nothing but play in the pool and run around after DS, come meal time we were all knackered and quite honestly he'd have probably been whingy/wanted to be off so we would have had to rush. Kids YouTube app meant I could eat my meal as apposed to throwing it down my neck.

I think the older generation would understand more if they had have bad iPads.

Sometimes Pokemon cards did the trick, sometimes it was the iPad.

Then we have have an early birthday celebration dinner this weekend. I'll make sure he naps and won't take an iPad as he won't be tiered(she says) x

I do agree in principle. We never ate around the dinner table when I was a child and instead usually watched in front of the tv. I always wanted to eat all together with my own family and think it's a good opportunity to chat and learn social skills. I also am quite anti screens but I still have very young children so haven't had that battle yet.

However I try not to judge others parenting as I know my own often falls short and it's difficult to tell what's going on from a small snapshot. Also I spend far too much time on my phone when with my children and I'm sure am judged by others for that!

As far as I'm aware colouring in does not give kids a dopamine hit in the same way technology does. Not really comparable at all. Same with reading.

Would 'screens' have been easier. Of course they would

This business of being a martyr for the fear of judging yourself as 'lazy' is so counter productive I don't understand how some of you function in life

Because Ewits, posters are saying "give them a break, ooor stressed parents with four tiny children" and that's not how it was

Ah so you knew them and knew what kind of day they had?

Seriously how does it affect you? Genuine question

Where would mumsnet be if we couldn't comment on things that don't really affect us? Isn't that mainly it's raison d'etre!

For me it's not about appearing lazy, I just don't want my kids to turn into little tech addicted zombies

And I’m not saying that because my child with sn doesn’t need an IPad/phone to wait that no-one should. There obviously are a small minority of children with severe needs which mean that their family wouldn’t be able to do things like go for a meal without using screens. But when you are in a restaurant and 90% of children and adults are ignoring each other on devices how’s many of them have severe sn? A very low percentage.
The majority of kids with or without sn can’t wait without all singing and dancing flashing entertainment without going into a rage at the low stimulation of real life because it’s all they’ve known and that is down to parents. If you’re going to judge anything then I’m not sure why it’s not worth judging that a lot of people are raising kids who can’t sit for 2 seconds without being bored because they have near constant access to screens. It is very sad.

If people only ever posted or commented on threads which directly affected them, MN would be extremely quiet.

@MyBrexitGoesOnHoliday was your post of 07.55 supposed to reference someone else rather than me? It doesn’t seem related to my post at all, sorry if I’ve misunderstood...

It's not about commenting on threads. It's about you taking a judgemental stance on the parenting choice of strangers when that choice has zero adverse effect on you then rocking up here for sanctimonious high fives. I assume you're perfectly fine with other people judging your parenting?

Hell yeah!

Well it’s has zero effect on you if someone doesn’t wash their kids clothes, lets their 2yo play out on the road, swears at their kids, eats McDonalds every night etc etc. Most people will judge when kids aren’t being looked after very well - even if it’s just to themselves.