To be judgy about screens at the table?

[PiperPublickOccurrences]

We're currently on holiday. Large family friendly resort, mix of families, couples, older people. Big, buffet style restaurant. Very relaxed vibe.

At dinner there was a large extended family at the next table, 5 adults and 4 preschool children. Every child had a phone or a tablet propped in front of them. None of the adults spoke to the children - including the baby who was at a push 8 months old. Children had plates of food put in front of them without a word and didn't take their eyes off the screen.

Aibu to find this all a bit depressing? I can just about understand using screens when it's absolutely essential that kids are quiet. But the restaurant is very informal with lots of kids around.

Hoenstly this place is getting worse by the day, people acting all morally superior and say oh but i did it this way and now little tarquin plays the guitar, trombone and piano, and is fluent in Arabic, spanish and french and all because i refused to let him watch a screen when we were eating a meal out

It's alright, I was judged on a different thread the other day for doing too much with ds and supervising him whilst doing the activities. He's nearly two.

You can't win, people love judging.

Once saw a kid with a full slice of pizza hanging out of their mouth for at least a solid minute in a restaurant, while they were transfixed on a ipad, it was gross to witness.

Troublesome is entirely right, I see it myself through my line of work however, I think the point is, that you cannot judge whether the time spent on the iPad at the table indicates a wider problem within that family, where the children are on the iPad for a detrimental amount of time or whether the parents impose strict boundaries around screens and this was one of the occasions they children were allowed to use it within those limits. It’s impossible to say and unless you know the family, have spent time with them and their circumstances, no you shouldn’t judge because you just don’t know.

I don't care what anyone else does.

We don't have screens at mealtimes because they are social occasions and time to interact with each other. Yes that can be hard work at times. But each to his own, I'm sure others will disagree with many aspects of my parenting.

I don't think colouring/stickers/activity books are remotely comparable. Screen time is much more addictive and my child becomes entirely engrossed in what he's watching. Whereas when doing activities we are chatting, working together and he has attention for other things. And all books are put away when we're actually eating.

@EyUpOurKid. Agreed this place can be mad sometimes

Spikey are you saying that all the children we see in restaurant witha screen all have SN? And all of them making things so hard for the parents that they dint have any other choice than using screens?

Because I didn’t know that they’re was sooo many children with SN around.
Nor di I realise that all children with SN are all so hard work/ unable to sit still etc... that yu needed that sort of support.

Fwiw I have a child with ASD, have two very friends with children on the spectrum too, one of them at a special school. None of us use screens at the table because otherwise it’s not manageable.
So seen that not all children with SN will need screens a a tool to help and therefore witnuse them, it would mean there is A LOT of children with difficult to manage Sn around.

Or actually there isn’t and the issue has nothing to do with children with SN needing special support.

I'm not sure that the two youngest were siblings. There were four children. Five adults - two of the younger women appeared to be the mums of two of the children each. One man who I assume was the dad of two of them. And an older woman who was probably granny to at least two of them. So it wasn't a frazzled family with 4 kids, with tiny age gaps.

Also it wasn't a scenario of keeping kids entertained after a meal when the adults are chatting and drinking wine/coffee. The phones and tablets were produced as soon as they sat down.

If none of the adults spoke to the children how do you know they were mums of who?

Also, did you spend any time focusing on your own meal/family at any point during your analysis of this family?

They're staring at iPads and your staring at other diners.

None of mine have SN. As I've said I've let them use technology in restaurants before, normally when waiting for the food esp if it takes a very long time or afterwards when having adult chats that they're not engaged with. Or if they're extra-tired with jet-lag on a holiday. All sorts of reasons. Wouldn't allow noisy activities within earshot of other diners. At the same time I would encourage them to put devices away while eating and so we can have family chat. I don't get this all-or-nothing stance.

Screens are the same as colouring in my eyes. Never understood the mentality that kids can sit and colour, but can’t look at screens.

"Spikey are you saying that all the children we see in restaurant witha screen all have SN? And all of them making things so hard for the parents that they dint have any other choice than using screens?"

If you read what I wrote you will find that I didn't say that. In fact you will find that I said I don't use them with my own son who has severe sn because it would be no help for him.
You don't know what any individual family is dealing with so it is nicer to sit there without a judgemental look on your face.

I'm assuming that there were two sets of children. Possibly three. All siblings, cousins, friends whatever. Not one couple tearing their hair out over having four preschoolers.

Never understood the mentality that kids can sit and colour, but can’t look at screens.

My sons immersion in and interaction with screens is totally different to a colouring book. He's chatty and communicative while colouring, but not while on a screen. Screens are addictive, colouring isn't.

I'm assuming that there were two sets of children. Possibly three. All siblings, cousins, friends whatever. Not one couple tearing their hair out over having four preschoolers.

And again, so what? What difference does it make to you, your family, or your holiday?

Why are we assuming that because the children had screens at the table that the parents don't interact with them at all? I'd have thought quite the reverse, that they'd had full on day, were knackered and needed some serious downtime.

Also I agree why can a child colouring and not interacting be seen as ok, but not screen time?

And things move on, when I was a child children's tv was a couple of hours a day, now it seems to be 24 hour so therefore kids watch more. Things do change!

Disappointed at the ignorance and judgement shown by some allegedly SEN parents.

But again, Piper you don’t actually know. It’s all assumptions. You’re making judgements on assumptions.

Really that is a super-weak argument. There's more TV now, hey ho, things change. Really, really?

Sorry, that sounded more sarcastic than intended. Got carried away with your username 

I agree. When we went on holiday DD (5) ate with us every night without a screen. When we had a drink at night we'd play cards or chat. If we go out for meals the first thing she asks for is some colouring. Not a device.

@IHeartKingThistle yeah things have changed massively over 50 years for children and toys and devices and screens! Have you not notified?

Yes I have. And at work I've also noticed speech and language difficulties in young children skyrocketing.

Because Ewits, posters are saying "give them a break, ooor stressed parents with four tiny children" and that's not how it was.

@IHeartKingThistle and this is due to children on holiday using screens at a dinner table ?

Or general poor parenting? The @PiperPublickOccurrences had no idea what day those children had, she's just assuming.

My point was that screens can be used 24 hours a day now, because they've been used during a meal, which night have been the only time that day does not mean that the children are using them excessively.

You'll get parents making a big show of eating their meal whilst interacting with the child, like the perfect parent. But once down from that table ignore or stick the child in front of their screen for hours.

You're right, really, and I did acknowledge that issue in a post further up the thread. It's obviously not that simple. But more children have more speech and language difficulties now. More children are on screens for longer than they should be. More children are being denied the interaction they need. I understand everything you're saying and I hate judging parents too, but the correlation is there.