To avoid women who do not like women

[abacucat]

If another women thinks women in general are bitchy, gossipy and much prefer men as she thinks they are more straightforward, then no I am not going to want to talk to you or spend time with you. If you show contempt for women in general, why would I want to talk to you?

I'm autistic. I find men much more straightforward and easier to get along with, less emotional and less bitchy. This thread isn't disabusing me of that.

Can't you accept that we're not all the same?

This plea for 'we're all different!' at the end of a load of gender stereotypes is so ironic that it made me laugh out loud

Well let’s turn it on it’s head then.

Any posters here who get on with men more than women?
What if a many if the men then started saying to you that they had little interest women - as they were bitchy and gossipy? Then ignored you to speak to other men.

Would that be okay?

And how long have you been a man, Lweji? I'm sure your insights into how we 'really' are will be profound.

I find men much more straightforward and easier to get along with, less emotional and less bitchy. - an opinion based on personal experience; Not an assertion of fact, which would make it a stereotype.

"I think that anyone who thinks men are more straightforward isn't aware of how men really are, or aren't picking up on their behavioural clues."

Yup, I'd mostly agree with this. Also, the same behaviour gets classified differently depending on whether it's a man or a woman doing it. I trained with a couple of men who were the biggest backstabbers I've ever had the misfortune to come across - spreading rumours, leaving people off email chains to stitch them up, making friends with people to get gossip then use it against them. Nobody ever called them bitchy or manipulative. They were just great, straightforward guys who were really ambitious and passionate about their careers and were heading for the top. I even caught myself making excuses for them too - "he's a lovely guy, he just really needs that promotion cos he just got married" . Ugh.

@Bananasinpyjamas11 no one here says they ignore other women, they just don't tend to form close relationships with them. And thats their prerogative.

And how long have you been a man, Lweji? I'm sure your insights into how we 'really' are will be profound.

My experience of men is just about as relevant as yours. You are (?) one man. You can't know how all other men are either.

Men back stab and gossip as much - if not more! - than women. I work with a majority of men and see it every day. It's a relief for me when I get to work with a woman. My experience is people are individuals - some will be nice and some will be arseholes.

I'm autistic. I find men much more straightforward and easier to get along with, less emotional and less bitchy. This thread isn't disabusing me of that.

Can't you accept that we're not all the same?

Only when you accept that not all women are the same

You can't know how all other men are either. wink

Indeed. Then on the basis of my similarly deep knowledge of women, I'd have to say that the common characterisation of greater 'complexity' and emotionality strikes me as accurate.

Anyone can be an arsehole regardless of sex that's not the issue here. The issue is people assuming we are hideous specimens of females because we prefer male company. The reason me and my partner literally fell in love at first sight is because we are so similar and share common Interests. Can it not just be that it's a case of some women share more in common with men than women and visa versa. Why do people have to categorise and make assumptions

I would now say I just like who I like but I haven't always been keen on other women in general. I went to an all girls school for 12 years, followed by 2 years in an exceptionally bitchy, tight knit girls boarding house for 6th form and then a girl heavy course at a girl heavy uni... followed by another girl heavy uni course & until recently, female heavy workplaces.

Do I have female friends? Yes, a fantastic circle.
Do I like other women in general? It took me a long time after school to honestly say I did, or that my default position wasn't a general "no". I didn't fit in and didn't look like a barbie during my child & teen years. To the queen bee at school, that mattered. I knew plenty of nice girls but saw some pretty nasty behaviour too. I'm still wary of big girlie friendship groups; they're usually shark infested waters. I prefer 1-1 friendships or smaller groups.
I also much prefer my male heavy workplace. Men can still backstab & bitch & gossip but they're also more easy going and upfront and don't let stuff get to them.
I've come across far more unpleasant female bosses, teachers and authority figures in real life than I have male ones. Still don't count myself as 1 of the boys but don't automatically assume sisterhood with fellow women. Still get nervous before seeing new medical staff, dentists, even hairdressers as I still take far stronger dislikes to other women than I do to men.

Men back stab and gossip as much - if not more! - than women. I work with a majority of men and see it every day.

I will add an annecdote, I also work in a male dominated field and find it to be the opposite of what you see.

So looks like anecdata doesn't really prove anything either way.

Lweji You could be right but why does that matter? If a man is sending out behavioural messages of any kind, he isn’t going to get very far, because I probably won’t notice. That’s what aspergers does.

If anything, it’s humorous, a man sending out come to bed eyes to someone who’s completely oblivious.

It’s still no reason to condemn the woman, who is not interested and hasn’t even noticed. But we do get condemned, are bullied and bitched about, and I certainly avoid groups of women as a result. The whole thing is exhausting.

I'm one of those "women who doesn't get on with women" and I can't say it's 100% all it's cracked up to be.

I had a close female friend growing up but since I was in nursery, all my friends have been male. I just find men easier to talk to, funnier, more interesting. I now work in the motor trade, so fairly male-dominated industry. I'll admit I struggle to relate to most women despite being girly myself.

In my late teens and 20's a lot of those friendships didn't end well. Either because feelings developed or weren't reciprocated. If they were platonic, a girlfriend usually got in the way who was jealous.

Now I'm in my 30's, it's easier. Many of my male friends are married with children or gay guys, so there's no "surprise, I've got feelings for you/I'm just hanging around with you to get in your pants" but I don't spend a lot of time with them because ... well, I guess hanging out with married men is still seen as odd.

I'm jealous of women who get on with women. I'd love to have a close group of female friends. I never had any bridesmaids ... I never had a baby shower because I didn't have any female friends or sisters to throw me one, I don't have anyone to discuss makeup or go shopping with. It's pretty sad actually and I definitely feel like I've missed out when I see facebook acquaintances "going out with the girls" or wedding dress shopping.

I know the type. They do usually act like they are so special to be with men and want the whole room to know. However, many men are bitchy too. They do it in banter or whatever but still the same level of bitchiness as women.

Men back stab and gossip as much - if not more! - than women. I work with a majority of men and see it every day.

I second this.

The reality is we are probably hard wired to feel people of our own sex as competition and thus feel more “relaxed” with members of the opposite sex initially. Some people thrive on competition and some people prefer a less pressured environment. Personally I do avoid friendships with the opposite sex because I just got fed up of them deciding years into what I thought were scintillating platonic friendships they actually only really liked me because they were thinking with their dicks and had the whole time just been waiting desperately for a chance to escape the “friend zone”. Obviously not all men are like this and probably less and less as I get older, fatter and less attractive but I don’t like rejecting people, it makes me feel bad, and I can take easy steps to minimise the amount I need to in this regard.

I have always got on well with both men,and women.But I simply try and avoid women,who are pretentious and overly self opinionated,and there are many of those around these days. And women such as these,tend to scare away some menfolk, is it any wonder?

but they're also more easy going and upfront and don't let stuff get to them

Hahahahahaha. Sorry - are you serious?

Some women can be bitchy, gossipy, vain, helpless, complicated (not in a good way) and I avoid them in favour of women who aren't! There are enough of us out there not to have to stoop to the level of hanging about with men folk

^ light-hearted about the men bit!

@opinioncat yes I guess that’s the grey bit, we can’t generalize too much about it as it would be as bad as generalizing about women in the first place!

I can just really relate to the OP. I’ve had several women do this to me, e.g. a ‘friend’ of my DP who was told me that she was ‘just so much more comfortable around men’ and found women bitchy. So I became distant as I thought, oh well, she doesn’t like women, must mean me too! Live and let live.

Then she told DP how other women were just mean etc. So I tried to make an effort. I went to her engagement party as she’d invited us both, (DP decided to stay at home with our baby) and she was furious DP wasn’t there! She told DP that I’d blocked him from coming. And has ignored me ever since!

It’s that scenario that I think some other people might identify with?!

I don't really like cliquey people or big gossips, they can easily be men or women. It's a personality trait but some of it is conditioned, I would argue women are socialized to place more important on their appearances, how the opposite sex views them, how their accomplishments are perceived. I think we are more likely to be pitted against each other, no wonder people become very self-defensive and bitchy, I'd say there's a lot crap around a sisterhood too, is there male equivalent?

bananasinpyjamas I’d think to myself “well, I’ve dodged a bullet there” and get back on with life I don’t think I could get angry enough to post on AIBU.

The only people I can think of who I’ve encountered who have come out with “I don’t generally like women”, I’ve percieved that they’re using that line as defence. It’s been some fake self confidence when they’re feeling uncomfortable. Or conscious/embarrassed of being a bit of an outsider? one particular encounter I can recall (a girlfriend brought along to meet a new social group in a trip-away setting) I certainly didn’t hold it against her or avoid her, just tried to make her feel welcome

I have known some really manipulative and back stabbing men too. Men gossip, they spread rumours, they hold grudges. I don’t understand the stereotype of them not.

I don’t prefer women to men or vice versa in general.

I do tend to find that some socialised behaviour is more common amongst women than men and vice versa, and in some circles that particular socialized behaviour is much more predominant and as a result I tend to avoid those female circles. I do also have hobbies which are quite male dominated and so tend to be more familiar with social environments that follow a male socialized pattern of behaviour. I’ve had some pretty awful experiences as well with the ‘men and women can’t be friends’/’it’s disrespectful if you talk to my male partner about a shared hobby’/’single women are basically just on the prowl’ brigade which left me slightly twitchy.

I do have some very close female friends (probably more female friends than male friends these days) but that’s coincidental. We just sort of fell into each other’s lives. I think in some social circles I could easily see myself turning into one of the ‘I don’t get one with women’ crowd, just because I hadn’t met the women I would really really like and had run up against some shitty norms for that particular community/area. I often wonder how many women who claim to not like women that is true for.