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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To avoid women who do not like women

276 replies

abacucat · 18/10/2018 10:54

If another women thinks women in general are bitchy, gossipy and much prefer men as she thinks they are more straightforward, then no I am not going to want to talk to you or spend time with you. If you show contempt for women in general, why would I want to talk to you?

OP posts:
ainsisoisje · 18/10/2018 12:02

I'm not sure its that 'decent' to judge people who may have a slightly different outlook probably from childhood/family life and prefer bonding with guys. I find male company much more straightforward but it doesn't mean I hate women - women are great! Except women who think they are special because they prefer female company or it comes more naturally to them to socialise with other women and decide to look down on those of us that do find male company easier. 'there's a special place in hell for women that don't help other women'. It cuts both ways OP!

Conseulabananahammock · 18/10/2018 12:04

Except women who think they are special because they prefer female company or it comes more naturally to them to socialise with other women and decide to look down on those of us that do find male company easier. 'there's a special place in hell for women that don't help other women'. It cuts both ways OP!

^^
This

PourMeABrose · 18/10/2018 12:08

Oh god, the sentiment in the opening post is probably one of the reasons I don’t approach women much. I worry they are judging me like this!

Alaaya · 18/10/2018 12:10

Except women who think they are special because they prefer female company or it comes more naturally to them to socialise with other women and decide to look down on those of us that do find male company easier. 'there's a special place in hell for women that don't help other women'. It cuts both ways OP!

So much this!

Gossipygirl · 18/10/2018 12:12

Lisasimpson not in the slightest
I think that someone who is trying to generalise in the way the OP is, has an agenda.
The OPs responses suggest an opinion has been formed and wants to force that opinion on others. Rather than asking a question because they are interested in other people's thoughts to help form their opinion.

As this is generally the type of thoughts/threads I see on the feminism board my suggestion was only that the OP might be more likely to get the response they wanted over there

LisaSimpsonsbff · 18/10/2018 12:13

Oh god, the sentiment in the opening post is probably one of the reasons I don’t approach women much. I worry they are judging me like this!

If you think women judge and men don't then that's your prejudice, not the fault of womankind.

DrusillasMissEdith · 18/10/2018 12:15

I don’t get this at all. It’s assuming all men are one thing and all women are another. Men are not anymore straight forward than women some are and vice versa. Women are not all bitchy or more bitchy than men some are and again vice versa. Just because a woman wants to move up the ladder does not make her more masculine. Maybe some women spend time with men because they are all friends or she works in an environment where most people are men. Maybe some males have female friends who are 25 and attractive but they like them because of who they are. All of these posts are very presumptuous and are really stereotyping men and women.

It’s for this reason we will find it difficult to shake the patriarchy and th divide between men and women. Until we can all like who ever we like gender regardless, then we are all stuck where we are.

winterhappiness · 18/10/2018 12:17

I am all too familiar with a woman like this. Drove me absolutely crazy. She simply did not want to be my friend.. she was only ever interested in "being one of the boys".

She definitely thought she was special and used to use the line "girls just don't like me Sad" which would get all the guys going "awwwh". And they would defend her telling me "no she's actually lovely, you just don't understand her. She gets such a hard time from other girls for no reason. They just don't understand she's a tomboy etc"..... NO, she wasn't. She just liked the attention.

I wasn't the only one who picked up on her vibe thank god (quite obvious to other women actually. It's just men who can't see through it).

I made loads of effort with her, but she just didn't want to know me ...

FYI in the end, she had form for sleeping with other people's boyfriends... saw it coming a mile away Envy

Seniorschoolmum · 18/10/2018 12:17

So op, here’s an example.

my favourite hobby is a single person sport involving technical accuracy. I love the challenge of getting speed, reflexes, angles and environmental factors right. It is a typical aspire sport. It is also a sport that is almost 100% male.

So you would judge me as wanting to be the only woman in the clubhouse. Yet I go for the sport and have no interest in socialising with the men outside of the club house.

But you’ve jumped to your judgemental and completely incorrect conclusion. Just one example. Can’t you see how completely illogical that is?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 18/10/2018 12:18

Well to be honest. I'd probably avoid you, too.
I have no problem admitting.
I've always felt sized up and in competition with other women.
I've always got on better with men.

tiggerkid · 18/10/2018 12:19

And of course if you don't like women that comes across. You think we can't see that you treat men better than women?

I still don't get this. How can we see why a person treats some people better than others and how do we know it's because the people who get better treatment aren't treated better because they just generally get on better with the person in question rather than because they are men? Workplace or any other place is always only a small community. We are never a part of someone's life to such an extent that we can conclusively say that any woman or man has an issue with the whole gender of one kind or another per se. How do we know that a woman, who gets on better with men at work, doesn't have plenty of female friends outside work? How can we tell that she doesn't treat men at work better because their personalities just happened to click and she just happens not to have that same click with women at work because their personalities aren't compatible rather than because they are women?

Finally, even if a woman does warm to men more, how do we know why that's the case by just looking at someone?

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 18/10/2018 12:19

Crikey yes, can’t stand those women!

Whenever a woman boasts (why is it always a boast?!) that women are just ‘so gossipy and bitchy’ and they just ‘seem to be way more relaxed around men’... Hmm
...I see it as code for they are going to be flirting with my husband/bf
... and in my experience they always are! They like men because they like to manipulate them and get all the attention.

I’ve got loads of fantastic women friends who are definitely not bitches! Half the population are not horrible thank you.

Sad I once heard the woman in the next bed from me in the maternity wing say that about her new born daughter. I’d had a son. She said she would have preferred a son because women are just all bitches. Very sad.

winterhappiness · 18/10/2018 12:20

What I mean is, she didn't like women. She wouldn't socialize with the other girls in our group. And she would play on the "annoying" aspects of women's personalities , to get the guys to go "yeah it's so annoying when girls do that", so then she could try and prove she wasn't like that..

Ugh she still annoys me when I think about her Grin

Original poster
abacucat · 18/10/2018 12:20

Senior Nope. Have you missed the fact that most of my friends do traditionally "male" jobs or hobbies? Like a friend who dives in mines, another who worked on a ship for 4 years as the only woman, another who is a plumber.

OP posts:
TakeMeToKernow · 18/10/2018 12:21

I watch the SDCs play a sport every other weekend. Don’t really know any of the parents who watch, but there’s always a split - the men stand together, the women stand together. All mostly watching, a bit of chit chat. I tend to stand near the men, because it just feels more comfortable iyswim?

Does this mean I am internally mysoginistic or whatever the OP is furious about?

DieAntword · 18/10/2018 12:23

A lot of people are reading stuff into the op that isn’t there. She didn’t say she hates women who have mostly or even all male friends. She didn’t even say she hates women who feel vaguely more comfortable with men (although she warns them there’s probably a reason) she simply said she avoids women who purposefully avoid making female friends because they believe a bunch of bs stereotypes about what women and men are like such as thinking men would never be so dull to talk about food or clothing, men are more “straightforward” or women want to talk about shoes and clothes or are bitchy.

Morgan12 · 18/10/2018 12:25

I haven't read all the thread because it's getting me quite wound up to be honest.

I don't have alot of female friends and that's because I had the shittiest female friends all through school who talked behind my back, met up without me etc. And I'll tell you why this was - it was because I was better looking. That's not me being big headed or full of myself (of which I am neither) it's just the truth of the matter. The boys they liked, liked me. So they didn't like me and sometimes made my life hell to be honest. By the end of school I had one friend and this was the reason why I left early and went to college instead. I don't speak to anyone from school now.

And since leaving school I've came across plenty of lovely woman and also plenty of bitches. Some woman don't grow up and I've no time for it to be honest.

I'd love to have a group of loyal and trusting female friends but it's extremely difficult to find them.

So I think YABU.

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 18/10/2018 12:27

Just seen that there are a lot of posts from women saying that they just like to hang out with men or do male dominated activities. I don’t think that’s the same at all - nothing wrong with that! I wouldn’t judge a person for hanging out with the opposite sex, male or female.

I, and others, have regularly come across women who have been very clear that they think women are bitches or ‘don’t like me’ and then flutter their eyelashes at the men! It’s different and kind of a relief it’s not just me that has had that. It’s a competitive attention seeking agenda and it’s very, very annoying... !

OpinionCat · 18/10/2018 12:28

@TakeMeToKernow

exactly, most girls i know can never just 'talk crap' for a while, have banter and be laid back. It's 95% of the time 'oh my god this happened etc' whereas the men i know just have a laugh. Gossip and seriousness bores me.

Now, ive been careful to highlight that its men and women I PERSONALLY KNOW that are like this. Im sure there are plenty of women out there who like a joke and a laugh more often than not, but unfortunately, i havent had the pleasure of meeting many like this.

nonotes · 18/10/2018 12:30

In my late teens / early 20s I went through the stage of thinking that I got on better with men because 'women cause drama'! What a douche! haha

I used to work in an office with 10 men, me being the only female (and indeed the youngest one there) I was almost bullied... men can also cause drama! Like all humans.

RangeRider · 18/10/2018 12:32

If you are young and very attractive men may be kinder to you - there is a reason for that.
Gee, I've always found that men are kinder just because I'm a decent human being (generally) and I don't try to play games. I'm neither young nor attractive. I've also found that women can be kinder if you're straightforward and don't game play.
But as a woman I want to talk to and spend time with women who like other women and don't hold negative stereotypes about them.
I personally prefer to spend time with people of either sex who are open and don't jump to conclusions so quickly. People who don't judge me at the drop of a hat.

OutPinked · 18/10/2018 12:33

I think it’s perfectly fine to admit you get along better with one sex more than the other. If a man said he gets along with women better, would that be viewed in the same way? My best friend is one of those men, he is gay if that makes any difference but he feels far more comfortable in female company than male.

I’ve always got along better with males but that doesn’t mean I disregard women completely. I’ve never been very ‘girly’ per se and I don’t understand typical ‘girly’ topics so I steer clear of that. I don’t think this makes me a bad person and I’m not doing it because I am vain.

bitheby · 18/10/2018 12:34

I'm autistic. I find men much more straightforward and easier to get along with, less emotional and less bitchy. This thread isn't disabusing me of that.

Can't you accept that we're not all the same?

Lweji · 18/10/2018 12:37

I think that anyone who thinks men are more straightforward isn't aware of how men really are, or aren't picking up on their behavioural clues.

Lweji · 18/10/2018 12:39

I'm also pretty sure men tend to be less bitchy around/in front of women. In the same way that many avoid cursing, for example.