To avoid women who do not like women

[abacucat]

If another women thinks women in general are bitchy, gossipy and much prefer men as she thinks they are more straightforward, then no I am not going to want to talk to you or spend time with you. If you show contempt for women in general, why would I want to talk to you?

I think that anyone who thinks men are more straightforward isn't aware of how men really are, or aren't picking up on their behavioural clues.

I completely agree. I went to an all girls school and then a mixed sixth form. I had a big mixed group of friends at the sixth form and the guys were by far the biggest gossips. There was one guy in particular who you could always count on for the details of the latest juicy happening.

I also had a boyfriend in my late teens who was the pettiest person I've ever met. He and his equally petty university flat mate were constantly having dick swinging contests and disagreements. I'd feel genuinely stressed listening to him talking about the latest clash.

@takeme that’s true. I did dodge a bullet! I don’t wake at night about it.

However it’s happened loads of times in different ways to me. So I can understand someone posting it on AIBU. And it’s a bit of a relief to see others had similar. Maybe some of us women seem to attract it!

Yes, dick swinging contest certainly happen a lot and a sly dig here and there. Men are bitches!

Oh and don't get me started on their comments on women who are overweight. If one starts to slag them off, the others follow. I have more backbone than most men in my office who are like bitchy sheep at times. I like working with them but under no illusion they are not as bad as bitchy women.

decent women like me will avoid you

Decent people whether male or female usually avoid people who talk judgemental bollocks.

@alaaya a lot of what you put makes sense.

I do think there are some cultural and social groupings that perpetuate this ‘women are just competitive and bitchy’ vibe. I think that’s misogynistic at heart and it makes me sad. My cousin was bullied by jealous girls at her school for years as her locality was very misogynistic, and she was pretty and talented. It’s like the girls reflected the putting down of women more than the men did.

I struggle to get on with women and it’s def not because I think they’re jealous of me in any way. It stems from my mother not bonding with me in childhood (due to issues with her own mother) and me losing my only female role model (my precious nan) aged 11 just as going into high school.

I’d love love love to have female friends but I always feel other women don’t like me and that’s not them, it’s how I feel about myself. I guess I find it easier with men because I didn’t have the same issues with my father. It makes me very sad actually.

ilovesooty Yes, I thought the “decent women” reference was particularly nasty too.

I've never understood how people are more 'relaxed' around the opposite sex than their own. I find women's company infinitely more relaxing then that of men. To much bloody testosterone.
I like the kind of pals who don't give a shite that it's late so you're taking your damned bra off. I definitely prefer single sex groups of pals together; the dynamic is different when men are involved and on the whole I have far more fun with women.

That doesn't mean I don't have a great time with my Dad, my DP, my young adult sons - they are fantastic company. But the older I get, the fewer men I choose to spend time with and the more women.

Ha. I used to prefer male company over female. I had problems fitting in at school (single sex) and thought I had more in common with men due to my interests. Also, more straightforward, honest, yada yada.

And then I had a few unpleasant experiences and realised everything I thought I knew was bullshit. Women are, in general, awesome. Some are shitty people, it's true, but most I've met would rather have my back than stab it.

I'm still not great at being close to anyone, but that's my problem.

I find that I get on better with men generally, however the type of men I associate with are "nerdy" men who share my interests in gaming and RPGs. I'm not stupid enough to think that all men are the same, as they aren't. There are plenty of men I wouldn't want to associate with.

I find that a lot of women my age are shallow, and dislike me immediately because I'm "different". I have no interest in fashion, hair, bags and shoes and generally that's what I come across in work circles. Because I like my Xbox and dice, I'm disabled and I don't drink alcohol, I'm to be instantly mistrusted. It's not a nice trait.

Again though, I'm perfectly aware not all women are like this and everyone has different interests. I just come across the first type very regularly and the second type rarely.

Each to their own though - I never look down on others for liking shoes etc. That's their thing and good for them. What I do look down upon is pushing someone out because they're different.

Yes, dick swinging contest certainly happen a lot and a sly dig here and there. Men are bitches!

One day in our way home from a bar they spent the entire walk asking each other increasingly difficult mathematics/logic questions to see who was the better guy or whatever. I just ignored the ridiculousness until they decided to have a race. An actual physical running race. At this point their other flatmate and I decided to make our way back alone and leave them to it.

I get what you mean op, I am quite a masculine woman (not in clothes or hair/makeup etc) but just in general personality. I think when I was early twenties, I probably thought I preferred the company of men, but that is becuase the women I knew were not my type of people, I can imagine I inflated that to mean I didn't really like spending time with women.

Now 90% of my friends are female, but they are more suited personality wise to me than the women I knew as a young adult, they are people I love spending time with.

I don't dislike women or find it difficult to get on with them on a superficial level, but I have not had close female friends since school. It's not because I think I'm beautiful (at all) or because I find them bitchy (though school girls definitely can be), or because I'm flirty with men (I'm not) or because I find other women a threat in any way. In theory I'd love to have some good female friends, as I feel like I must be missing out - I just don't seem to find ones I click with or have much in common with! All my friends at university were blokes.

I agree that making huge generatlisationd about your own sex is wrong. However, as someone who was bullied by a girl gang at school I can also see why some women take this stance. In many cases it is protectionist. Woman can be extremely mean and cruel to each other and you never quite trust again if you have a bad experience. It is obviously stupid to think men don’t act appallingly to each other too.

I think it all boils down to personal experience surely.

I've personally always had more issues growing up with women. That's not to say women in general are awful or that I dislike them. Far from it, I have some brilliant female friends. However, my life experiences with certain women have forced me into instinctively trusting them slightly less on first impressions.

I've no doubt there are men who share the same flaws but it's not been my personal experience. Or at least as much of it.

However, it doesn't mean I go into meeting a woman with a predetermination to dislike her. Perhaps just slightly more on guard.

But then if someone's experienced things such as bullying, it's only natural to form a defence mechanism in that way. After all, bullying is damaging to a person's mental state.

I just like the "people" that I like and get on with. For some reason, I get on better with men. Always have, right from primary school. Yes, I played with a group of girls and boys as a youngster, but my special friends were always boys. As a teen I was one girl in a group of several boys, and no, I didn't have sex with them all, although one became my husband. Perhaps I am more comfortable with men because I had three older brothers? Who knows. Interestingly, my two daughters are the same, all their best friends are boys.....

Omg there is some depressing internalised misogyny in this thread.

Agree men talk about people behind their backs as much as females. It just doesn't get fed back so much. Also I wonder why people are bothered about people talking about them behind their backs. Obviously if you live someone you're going to talk about them and likewise if you can't stand them. If people who care about you talk about you it comes from a place of caring and if it's people you don't like who cares. That said I'm all about the sisterhood because I strongly believe historically we have been hard done by and we shouldn't ever let that happen again.

If a man is sending out behavioural messages of any kind, he isn’t going to get very far, because I probably won’t notice. That’s what aspergers does. If anything, it’s humorous, a man sending out come to bed eyes to someone who’s completely oblivious.

I wasn't talking about sex related behaviour.
I was talking about being straight forward or not.

I dislike one particular man because I get the vibe from him that he has ulterior motives (not sex related) and he is shown through his behaviour that he is not particularly trust worthy.

We all know that men are capable of being charming to the outside world and be abusive at home.
I know men who are strategists and worry endlessly about tactical moves at work.

So, no, I don't think men as a group are that straightforward compared to women. But I do think we tend to perceive them that way.

Also women don't tend to open the vacuum cleaner inside your newly painted lounge and let a whole heap of dust out. Love my husband but honestly!!!!

Can it not just be agreed some people are naturally drawn and engage better with others. Does gender really come into it?

AriadnePersephoneCloud - I know your comment was a really minor thing but that's the kind of attitude that made me convinced for years that I wasn't "a real girl" - I was useless with domestic stuff for years and didn't naturally feel any urge to nest or decorate or nurture and used to get regular comments about it and how odd I was, so just sort of backed away into this "one of the lads" identity.

Women are just as capable of messing up a hoover. Men are just as capable of being competent with one. And if we start promoting the notion that those sort of deep seated divisions exist, then I think it's pretty reasonable that some people will then say "guess I fit better in X gendered social environment".

My husband is way more particular about cleanliness and tidiness than me. Partly because I grew up in a hoarder house and am perpetually impressed that we can see the floor.

Hahaha Alaaya, it was a flippant comment because DH had just done exactly that. Shorty if you don't feel like a "real woman" I certainly do and I can't (won't cook), refuse to ask for directions and generally dress like my teenage son. No behaviours/skills define me as a woman. I just absolutely am. The same way DH does most the cooking, asks for directions and so on. He's still a man. Fucking useless with a vacuum though