To ask if you would have another child..

[Babyblues209]

With new man if you were in your early 40s and already had 3 nearly grown up DC?

I did a huge amount of partying and travelling in my 20s and 30s

Never got to do this as I got married at 21, and had DS the following year. It's actually now I can just go and travel without thinking about kids or childcare. Do grandchildren cure broodiness? 😂

Well I wouldn't, but it's up to you really OP, if you're happy and healthy, and want to - go for it!

Not a chance.

You will never regret having another baby, not ever, you will love that child no matter what

Total rubbish - it’s the ultimate taboo I know. but plenty of women do regret having a child.

No I wouldn't but my best friend with 1 grown up & left home DD and one DS17 is TTC at 42. It's right for her and her DH I really, really hope she has a baby I can cuddle then give back.

If it was something we both wanted and could afford - yes!

I wouldn't, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't.

The baby you have now will essentially grow up as an only child. That's not necessarily a problem, but not what people who want 4 children usually want. Essentially between you you'll have 3+2+1, not a sibling group of 4 or 6, because they aren't growing up together.

Would you be ok with being a single mother to a teen in your mid to late 50s if this relationship were Togo pear shaped?

What's your partners feelings about it OP?

I'm surprised at so many saying don't do it. Usually when a posters asks if she's too old to have a baby at 40 most of the replies are yes do it.

No way.

you said it yourself OP, you were tied down with kids by your early 20's and have never experienced the joy of being carefree and selfish.

I totally agree with others who have said it's hormones driving these feelings.

I done it. Wouldn't go back on your decision for anything. My youngest was 16 yrs old at the time. My ds is 2 now.

@Eyerolls

Nope. The idea of the excitement is tantalising but...then there's the struggle of pregnancy, the soreness of birth, the tiredness and healing..and then as utterly adorable as babies are- the baby viruses/ germs / constant illnesses...exhausting! Then the temper tantrums, need to constantly have a plan b....no way. Thank goodness mine are all out of that stage. I don't regret a second but never again!

This in spades. Plus everything I said earlier about all the school politics bullshit. I wouldn't go through that again for all the tea in China. Bullying, horrible gangs of chavvy mums, school runs, school gate mafia, the cliques within the school, having to fork out a small fortune for school trips, uniforms, sports kits, school supplies, and the hobbies and interests of your child (that always seem to cost a fortune!)

Many women feel if they could go back 20-25 years, they would not change a thing, and would still have had their kids. But no-one in their right mind would do it again in their 40's when the youngest is almost grown (like mid teens.....)

And as a pp said, in ten years time, you will be 50 something with elderly parents who are getting weaker and more frail... Despite some people insisting their grandparents are 100 years old and still do skydives and run marathons every week, in the REAL world, most peoples health will start to deteriorate when they get to 70.

So you will be responsible for helping them, you will probably have grandkids, and you will probably have a job, because you won't be able to afford to give it up because of the extra responsibility you took on having another child in your 40's.

Very few people regret having their children - and would never want to be without them, but NO-ONE would seriously want to start over, and go through it again by having a baby in their 40's... (When they have children already, who are almost adults!) You'd have to have rocks in your head to go and start over when you're middle aged!

Apart from all of the above, as a pp said, there are high risks of physical problems too, with you AND the baby. Do you want to spend the rest of your life as a carer? With absolutely NO life of your own?

There's a lot to think about. But it's definitely a NO from me.

Great I think the 3 grown up/ almost grown up children are the difference. If she had a 2 year old or no children yet and was debating whether she was too old to TTC at 41 she would be encouraged by more people. Starting again in your 40s when youve already got 3 older teens is a different situation.

But no-one in their right mind would do it again in their 40's when the youngest is almost grown (like mid teens.....)

I do know women who have - sometimes with same DH though most with new DPs - they seem happy said they gald they did.

It's not for me - but I'm mid child rearing so still looking forward to more freedom.

I can see the appeal, but there are definite down sides. Think about how busy you are now with your teenagers. Can you really say, hand on heart, that you're happy to stay equally busy for another 18 years -- until you're in your early 60s?

Of course, there's no guarantee that you will be able to get pregnant, and age is against you. But some women do fall pregnant in their 40s so it's possible.

How does your partner feel about it? Does he have other children? If he's very keen, it might be more appealing. If he has reservations himself, I'd definitely be wary.

Yes I can see that POV too blueskies, but I think when there's a new partner people do want to have a baby with them.

I think it boils down to whether the partner is as keen, whether the teenagers would be happy about it and to some degree what they were like in general. Some teenagers are utter nightmares and need a lot of support themselves from their parents.

No way.

My DP has much older siblings and barely knows the older ones. So don't assume either that older siblings will be automatically interested in a new baby.

I wouldn't, but not because I think it would be wrong as such, just because I personally wouldn't feel up to it. I did have a third child after two fairly close together then an eight-year gap (same father), but 'nearly grown up' suggests late teens, and that's a different kettle of fish, I think. Plus three happens to be my limit.

So you already have 5 teenagers between you? Surely that's enough to deal with? And with the oldest only being 18, they are likely to need you for a good few more years. Have you thought about what effect having another child will have on your existing children?

Having a "feeling" you want 4 children is really not a good enough reason. Have you really thought this through?

Maybe this will put you off op....

Weaning
Sleepless nights
Soft play
Kids parties
Reading books
Homework
Packed lunches
School run
Doctor/dentist/optician appointments
Teenage strops

Sod that...go round the world and drink cocktails instead!

That's my plan anyway when my dc are grown up!

I wouldn't, the thought of the school run again is enough to put me off!

Not quite the same, but I 'went back' through all the baby stuff when I had ds2. I was 36 and ds1 was 14.

Ds2 is a joy. It doesn't feel like going back through all of the drudgery and hardship, although there is of course some of that. It feels like a gift to be able to do it again. I am so much calmer parenting ds2 because I've done this already and I know it generally turns out ok in the end.

I have four children and love having them. That said, youngest is just out of nappies and naps aged 3, and I am cockahoop about it!

I personally wouldn't go back, and we look forward to when we retire our first thing will be a big trip around the world. Hopefully the grandkids won't arrive until after that has happened.

But I understand broodiness is an awful thing to shake! I suffered from it terribly until #4, thankfully it has never returned.

I have a friend who has two elder children (one finishing school, the other at uni), and she has two year old twins with her new(ish) partner. They are tired (aren't all new parents?) but happy.

If you both want another child, then why not? Otherwise, do you have a project to distract yourself?

I just read through more of the thread - @neverendingsummer be careful with those proclamations! I'm of sound mind and I'm really enjoying hauling my tired old carcass through the perils of parenthood once again!

I didn't experience all of the bullying and a chill gate drama though, and really enjoy the friends I've made through having small children together