to not take something of a deceased neighbour

[GoingNuckingFuts]

my neighbour passed away two weeks ago she was 68 (im 30) i often (2/3 days a week) would go sit with her have a brew and a jangle (we could of ruled the world us two with our putting to rights convos haha) i would see if she needed a hand with anything around the house, shopping picking up, even though she had a friend a few days a weeks to help her with these things, i would often put some washing out, iron a few things, or pick her up a few bits and bobs, would make her some lunch take over cakes if id been baking, because i wanted to help my friend and i really enjoyed her company.

she became a frail lady over the last 12 months but remained sassy as hell, absolutely hilarious, and i loved spending time with her.

she was a good friend to me when i had cancer 3 years ago she and another neighbour (in 50's) would often make pans of stew/sunday dinners/spag bol, take our son over to their house's for lunch/dinner or just to play with their grandkids for an hour or so to give me and my DH a rest while was going through chemo,(i was very ill i nearly died im very lucky to be here) both ladies actually did more for me than my own mum who didn't cope well with my illness,

her passing was a shock but not huge as she had been really poorly, it broke my heart, i long for my friend back, she has left a little gap in my life, i miss our conversations more than anything, we had such fun.

her family have now been told they need to empty her house within the next 4 weeks I've offered to give them a hand and they have been grateful, her 3 sons have asked me to come and pick a little trinket of hers to keep as a thank you for all the help in her last few years but i really don't want anything, im just happy i got to spend time with my friend in her last few days and that i helped her with odd little things, and happy i have some fantastic memories with an incredible lady, i don't want her sons to think im ungrateful for the offer i really am not i am just as i said happy i made such a lovely friend and i hopefully made her life a little easier as she made mine when i was ill,

would it be unreasonable to not accept a small gift? i feel like it might be, she has quite a lot of grandkids and people she was friends with for much much longer (we had been friends around 5 years) that should have a little token, i don't want to offend them .

thoughts, please.

Why thank you! I do often womder how i do it, but then again i only work 9-4, 4 days a week so maybe not quite full time, but close enough my stepson is in full time school 10 miles from our home, so that is that block of time covered I'm not a full time student I never said I was, I study with the open uni, you basically study at your own leisure as long as your essays are in on time and you attend any exams you have to have they leave you alone. And i have a small business making cakes again I pick and chose those jobs, so if I'm behind on studies I turn them down on and regarding my four dogs I have a doggy day care couple they come take my dogs out at 11:30 for a play in the field or to the beach or woods for 2 hours and feed them, then I get home around 4:15 incase you need to report me to the rspca for neglect

Sorry for the loss of your dear pal.

Just a quick thought. It might be hard for you when the house is sold, and changed (sometimes a lot). Anything you can save from the house and garden will help you as you watch those changes. Keep a little bit of her place safe for yourself.

Replant something from her garden in yours, so you can both look over and gossip about the new neighbours

OP don't feel you have to justify yourself to anyone on here.

I wish I had the energy to do half that you achieve in a day. I just about manage to get my little dog walked, sort the kids out, stagger into work, come home, collapse in a heap, have something to eat, feed the kids, have a reviving brew, then back down the beach with the dog for an hour.

Whereabouts in Wales are you? I'm near Aberystwyth. I wouldn't mind ordering one of your Christmas cakes if you're anywhere local.

Someone else mentioned something from her garden and replanting it, if I was green fingered I definitely would but there is no doubt in my mind I could probably kill a cactus, i am more than happy with my blanket mug and photo. Considering initially o didn't want anything to take anything at all. I got so much just in our friendship so my gifts from her were incredible

@EmmaGhostGhoul
I know I don't have to justify myself but I have everything to prove my "story"
If people want to not believe then that's up to them, I know the truth.

I'm in north Wales hun. I don't think they would travel well, well they actually would I just don't trust the royal mail handlers and couriers the amount of parcels I've had over the years with fragile tape on delivered bashed to shit its unreal

Apologies for not RTFT.

In my front room is a drinks cabinet. It’s probably an antique but not valuable.

It belonged to my grandmothers neighbour in London. When they died (much as per your circumstances) c1970 my grandmother somewhat reluctantly said she’d give it a home. She always remembered going round for a sherry (served from this cabinet) when the husband was giving this lady cause for grumble. They got on very well, despite their generational differences She was 90 when she died and the cabinet was bought when they set up home, so c1900.

I remember it as a child in my grandparents dining room, and she’d let me pour our little fancy glasses of Christmas sherries to guests, turning the key in the lock and I felt so grown up.

Now I’m bloody ancient (46) and I’ve inherited the neighbours cabinet. I stash my sherry (and gin) in it and think of that couple more times that you could know. I absolutely love it. And even if it was fugly, I’d probably still love it. It’s the story.

Taking a physical something sometimes gives a gift that keeps going or a story that keeps being told?

And I don’t mean you should have had a piece of furniture!!! I mean your mug would do exactly the same

So if that cabinet could.talk it would tell a few stories ......
Fugly furniture is in now people are always upcycling them to make them beautiful what a lovely story. And your hardly ancient! Xx

Gosh you are busy OP - my friend is a full time cake maker and even she doesn't do 35 Christmas cakes - to think you do that as a side job! I think it's wonderful that despite all of that, your degree, your husband's surgery and your job, you still made so much time to keep Jean company and help her out. The world needs more people like that.

@peach I start making the cakes in October for fruit especially the really boozey ones haha and then decorate per the custimers request date i have a busy week when work is closed finishing them all and im usually ripping my hair out come 20th and I book the week before off too I get 3.5 glorious weeks off over Xmas

I'd have a plant from the garden - a living reminder to tend and nurture, like you did your friendship

Oh seriously give it a rest with the troll hunting, what a nasty piece of work you people are.
I've reported.
Op you sound lovely and I shed a tear at your stories about your friend. I'm here sobbing as my cat got run over today and I've had a shitty day at work but you've put it into perspective. Enjoy your mug and I'm sorry about your friend. Ignore the twats.

I had a email of MMHQ saying they where deleting a lot of posts from a user as many have reportes. Thank you, those who did it means alot was quite upset last night's after them but today is a new day so moving on, ! Once more thanks to everyone for your kind and lovely words ! X

I have friends who I would have loved to have a personal memento of but haven't. I can't imagine declining should something be offered like that.

As ever, the judgement of Mumsnet is as sound and as wise as jean.

It is especially touching that her son appearing to have given you money out his own pocket. (If any on is unaware, power of attorney ends at death and probate will not have been granted yet).

If the son had PoA she must have been far frailer and unable to cope with her affairs than she let on.

As ever, the judgement of Mumsnet is as sound and as wise as jean.

You are quite pathetic. Just on the off-chance that you are right and the whole story is a fabrication, what exactly have you achieved by continuously posting your scepticism? Have you made the world a better place? Saved someone from harm?

Now what if you're wrong? You're mocking someone who's experienced the painful loss of a very dear friend.

Rather than pissing all over the thread for no other reason than to make yourself look big and clever, why don't you just piss off and save making more of a CFer of yourself than you've done already.

Please don't respond. I've already wasted more energy on you than you're worth.you

With regard to the money, the OP said it is the form of a cheque made out to her, for her baby fund. Surely if it dated prior to her death, then it isn't something that the son is going to have to okay? Jean wanted OP to have the money after all.

I hope your ddogs give you lots of support op! I have 4 and they are great mind readers when I feel rubbish about life.
Very envious you shared such a friendship with Jean although not in the happiest circumstances. Most people don't get to share such an amazing relationship.
You were both very lucky.

Good luck on adding to the pot to fulfill your dream.

One would think you would better better at following rules of the room truckit