to not take something of a deceased neighbour

[GoingNuckingFuts]

my neighbour passed away two weeks ago she was 68 (im 30) i often (2/3 days a week) would go sit with her have a brew and a jangle (we could of ruled the world us two with our putting to rights convos haha) i would see if she needed a hand with anything around the house, shopping picking up, even though she had a friend a few days a weeks to help her with these things, i would often put some washing out, iron a few things, or pick her up a few bits and bobs, would make her some lunch take over cakes if id been baking, because i wanted to help my friend and i really enjoyed her company.

she became a frail lady over the last 12 months but remained sassy as hell, absolutely hilarious, and i loved spending time with her.

she was a good friend to me when i had cancer 3 years ago she and another neighbour (in 50's) would often make pans of stew/sunday dinners/spag bol, take our son over to their house's for lunch/dinner or just to play with their grandkids for an hour or so to give me and my DH a rest while was going through chemo,(i was very ill i nearly died im very lucky to be here) both ladies actually did more for me than my own mum who didn't cope well with my illness,

her passing was a shock but not huge as she had been really poorly, it broke my heart, i long for my friend back, she has left a little gap in my life, i miss our conversations more than anything, we had such fun.

her family have now been told they need to empty her house within the next 4 weeks I've offered to give them a hand and they have been grateful, her 3 sons have asked me to come and pick a little trinket of hers to keep as a thank you for all the help in her last few years but i really don't want anything, im just happy i got to spend time with my friend in her last few days and that i helped her with odd little things, and happy i have some fantastic memories with an incredible lady, i don't want her sons to think im ungrateful for the offer i really am not i am just as i said happy i made such a lovely friend and i hopefully made her life a little easier as she made mine when i was ill,

would it be unreasonable to not accept a small gift? i feel like it might be, she has quite a lot of grandkids and people she was friends with for much much longer (we had been friends around 5 years) that should have a little token, i don't want to offend them .

thoughts, please.

[Theyprobablywill]

Probably too busy sobbing over her blanket.

[SkinnywannabeKBH]

Oh, I like the idea of taking a couple of the mugs since that was what you enjoyed doing with her. Sitting with a wee cup of tea & putting the world to right.
When my Nannie died I brought home a wee bell that reminded me of her

[PaulHollywoodsSexGut]

It’s all very irregular

[GoingNuckingFuts]

hey everyone sorry didnt return last night, i unplugged early, i will do best to reply to each of you, please don't take offence if i miss you there is so many, thank you!

firstly thanks to all he had a little toast to my lovely friend and neighbour that is so heartwarming!

@Truckit such lovely words,

@Emmageddon yes she was only 68, and up untill the last 6 - 12 months she became frail up unitll that point she was pretty independent, she sufferd COPD and was plagued with chest infections often.

@continuallychargingmyphone @Emmageddon**

in regards to the photo i posed sat wearning a stupid birthday hat, in bed pulling a stupid face for the photo, there is also a birthday cake on the rolling table, we had a little tea party in my room and DH brought her up wth him, i had many photos taken with people i loved while ill, i wasnt shying away because i was sick, i remained true to who i was, cancer was not taking the joy out of my life. i laughed the while way through it was easier for me to remain as normal as possible.
i found it hilarious because they way she said what she did, it was banter, it was a laugh as i mentioned i know it may seem insensitive to some but anyone who understood her, me our insulting banter would know there was no malice in it, i will be hanging the photo on my own wall today, as a reminder of how far i have come in 3 years, she did wait untill i had my all clear and was looking more human before she hung the photo i understood her and she did look fabulous in it!

@continuallychargingmyphone it went from her visiting me in hospital to assisting her as there was a 3.5 year time gap, i didn't actually do that much for her i would do the odd little thing like ironing if i noticed she had a few bits to do while i was there, i would knock as leaving the house as she lived next door to see if she needed anything while popping out to the shop myself, and it was only things like a loaf or some milk i would go and do her main shop . as i said i didnt know how ill she really was untill yesterday she kept her cancer hidden from peopel and only those who needed to know did, and i admore her for that,

@Doidontimmm oh she really was, i cant really do her justice with words

@PuppyMonkey Thankyou
@peachgreen upsetting people was never my intention i was asking advice/opinions

@Grumpyoldblonde i am fully aware of how lucky i am to have had such a wonderful friend, everyone deserves at least one in their life definitely keep the faith.

@PaulHollywoodsSexGut it certainly is

@Emmageddon
Faith and Hope would be lovely im from a house of girls so i often tell people i dont want girls, too much hard work and hoping for a boy! if its a girl im asking for a refund! haha but of course i actually dont care what sex the baby will be its just may way of making light of a dark situation for us again people may find that weird but making light of thing, is a way for me to cope. and it keeps my cards close to my chest i dont like showing emotion to people if i can avoid it i will

@sadwithkiddies im deeply sorry for your your loss, We laughed our way through chemo the best we could...no point crying is there she would say so you may understand the type of banter we had becuase i said exactly the same as your friend, there isnt any point in crying im still gonna be sick tears wont change it! my friends and family who adopted the same approach coped much better than those who did not, those are the ones that came to visit and didnt keep away because it "was hard for THEM" those are the ones who put their own feelings aside and tried to keep my life normal as we possibly could like jean, she wasnt going to treat me and speak to me any different because i was sick and i respected her for that, i didnt feel much like a cancer patient during those visits from people who treated me normally those moments i felt a little more like me i didnt want sympathy and tears from people i wanted as much normality as i could get.

@Bluelady sorry about the eye make up!

@ all of you who came and physically posted WOW HOW LOVELY!! i didnt think you would all actually physically post! just a silent little nod and raise of your glass/can/cup would of been perfect, im sorry i wasnt here, i feel terrible, as i said i unplugged, but i had a small (ok Large) bacardi and coke for my friend in my mug.

@Cuddlykitten that was a lovely little gift,

@donajimena and anyone else doubting my account, i do not have to justify myself to you, there will always be cynical people in this world and there will always be liars, i am not one, my account is true beside the names, whether you chose to believe it or not is entirely up to you, and i respect your choice, i had my toast in private to my friend i didnt realise people would actually post. and im overwhelmed many of you did thank you!

for everyone else with your lovely coments and suggestions thank you so so much you are all lovely wonderful people, hearing snippets of your own experiences was nice and very sad, xxxx

[purplepigs]

LOVELY !!!

[DeegeeDee]

Thank you for posting the update and glad you toasted - very emotional letter to you. Good luck with the fund x

[GoingNuckingFuts]

thanks everyone!

baffled as to why mnhq have removed some people comments ??

[Axillin]

Comments have probably been removed for troll hunting, @GoingNuckingFuts.

Some posters think you made it all up.

[Axillin]

Sorry, am under Halloween name change. Usually paxillin, not trying to hide or sock here.

[Redglitter]

Some posters think you made it all up

Surely not 🤔

[Theyprobablywill]

.well, some people are just mean!

[TheySeeMeMintRollinTheyHatin]

Who thinks it’s made up???

[moofolk]

This sounds very similar to a situation I was in last year.

I took a mug. It was the mug I always had a brew in at her house while we were putting the word to rights, and now when I have a brew I think about her.

[Bluelady]

Give it a rest, Truckit.

[Truckit]

What? Can one not be deeply moved by the beauty of friendship lasting a lifetime?

[Bluelady]

You really are bloody shameless. I saw the comments you made that were deleted.

[OpenHeartCloseEyes]

What? Can one not be deeply moved by the beauty of friendship lasting a lifetime?

Indeed. And the beauty of mugs. I was so moved by the very moving gift of a mug. So much more special than the money that Jean left the OP. The mugs warmed my heart.

[GoingNuckingFuts]

@redglitter well you clearly are, bit of an elaborate thing to make up really. I don't have the time or the imagination to make up such elaborate stories I work full time as secretary for a solicitor I am doing a degree In social care in my final year I have a step son, four dogs a house to run , a dh who has had surgery a few weeks ago.

@openheartclosed eyes. It was he blanket that got me most she started to make it while I was sick... then made sure she finished it when she found out she was ill that selflessness in a moment when she should be thinking of herself just wow. I know first hand how scary and painful cancer is so to spend some of her time doing that for me is very very special.

@moofolk careful now it can't be true it's similar to my "story" we drank brews out of mugs and put the world to rights too, it can't be coincidence we must of plotted!

I got some of my best advice through those world to rights chats, was brought down a peg or too and humbled by them I will miss them chats with her so much. I've washed my mug and put it away for now I don't want to damage it.

Oh and the picture is on the wall for anyone who enters my home to see because I am not ashamed of it I took photos when I had cancer so what, I posed for photos, I laughed, I made jokes, I cried my eyes out and most days I was incontinent from the pelvic radiation and all that time jean would treat me as me and even poke a little fun but so what I knew what she was doing she was treating me exactly the same as she always did, that's why the photo on her wall and her remark wasn't offensive it was a good memory from shitty birthday that she made a little bit better by taking the time to visit me when friends my age and my mother "found my being sick hard"