to not take something of a deceased neighbour

[GoingNuckingFuts]

my neighbour passed away two weeks ago she was 68 (im 30) i often (2/3 days a week) would go sit with her have a brew and a jangle (we could of ruled the world us two with our putting to rights convos haha) i would see if she needed a hand with anything around the house, shopping picking up, even though she had a friend a few days a weeks to help her with these things, i would often put some washing out, iron a few things, or pick her up a few bits and bobs, would make her some lunch take over cakes if id been baking, because i wanted to help my friend and i really enjoyed her company.

she became a frail lady over the last 12 months but remained sassy as hell, absolutely hilarious, and i loved spending time with her.

she was a good friend to me when i had cancer 3 years ago she and another neighbour (in 50's) would often make pans of stew/sunday dinners/spag bol, take our son over to their house's for lunch/dinner or just to play with their grandkids for an hour or so to give me and my DH a rest while was going through chemo,(i was very ill i nearly died im very lucky to be here) both ladies actually did more for me than my own mum who didn't cope well with my illness,

her passing was a shock but not huge as she had been really poorly, it broke my heart, i long for my friend back, she has left a little gap in my life, i miss our conversations more than anything, we had such fun.

her family have now been told they need to empty her house within the next 4 weeks I've offered to give them a hand and they have been grateful, her 3 sons have asked me to come and pick a little trinket of hers to keep as a thank you for all the help in her last few years but i really don't want anything, im just happy i got to spend time with my friend in her last few days and that i helped her with odd little things, and happy i have some fantastic memories with an incredible lady, i don't want her sons to think im ungrateful for the offer i really am not i am just as i said happy i made such a lovely friend and i hopefully made her life a little easier as she made mine when i was ill,

would it be unreasonable to not accept a small gift? i feel like it might be, she has quite a lot of grandkids and people she was friends with for much much longer (we had been friends around 5 years) that should have a little token, i don't want to offend them .

thoughts, please.

This is wonderful and heartbreaking all at once, I’ll raise a glass to Jean tonight, and also to you OP

Q

I was reading your first post, yelling please take something in my head, am glad now I read on down as I'm now sitting blubbering 😂 I cleared my Mums house this year. I was delighted when people she loved, chose a memento. So much nicer than taking things to the charity shop. She appreciated you as much as you appreciated her which is lovely.

I can't quite believe this has happened to me, boring little me, who hasn't ever really done anything spectacular, i did a bungee jump once but that's another story, i just plod along like most people, just adulting, and i just love my friends, i dont have many i keep my circle very small, but the ones i do have i do love dearly. i miss and will continue to miss my jean so much but i have the best memories with her she will always hold a special place in my heart

Even if for some reason you didn't want to hold on to a memento, you could take something and then bury it in her honour, perhaps. But I think in the long run you'll be happy you have something to remember her by I inherited an ivory doorstop in similar circumstances and it always make me smile.

its just dawned on me what the hell am i going to do one the 2/3 days a week id pop next door and see her, the last 3 weeks have been so busy ive been helping her family with things, baking bara brith (a welsh traditonal cake for her wake) mainly getting intouch with her friends on facebook and from her address book informing them of her passing so her family could concentrate on the important details, then of course her service,

great now im crying again!

Oh my goodness reading that has tears rolling down my face. What a lucky pair you are to have had such a friendship. I’m sorry for your loss and wish you luck with your future.

I’m really sorry for your loss OP but this is honestly one of the loveliest threads I’ve ever read on Mumsnet. What an amazing relationship you had.

What a lovely story.

I chose to keep a potato masher from my Grandmother - one of those really old ones with the blue or red handles. I think of her every time I use it and it's much better at mashing than the nice modern ones

From the other Grandma I chose a tiny ornament I remember playing with as a child.

Can I have red wine in my mug instead of bacardi and coke? I can't stand rum. Would love to raise a glass to your dear friend, OP.

i really am lucky, to have had such an amazing friend i doubt i will get one like that again and that is fine becuase this one will be with me forever, sorry i made some of you cry and thanks once more for your condolences, please everyone raise a glass of plonk or cup of tea (coffee will do if you must haha) around 8pm to jean ! she will be howling up there now at how sappy we all are calling us silly beggers! but sod it she deserves a huge toast for being an amazing women

yes of course @emmageddon pick your poison! i dont particularly like rum either i prefer whiskey neat haha

What utterly amazing women - and that's both of you, so don't ever suggest again that you're not special. You brought comfort and a whole lot of fun into her life and purpose at the end of it, when she had the pleasure of planning your lovely and much deserved gift

If only all friendships - if only all people - could be like this, and yes I'm blubbing too

thank you everyone! * passes about tissues*

...

I am sat here literally sobbing, the tears rolling down my eyes like the welsh waterfalls into the valleys. A touching story to warm the heart like a coal fire on a wet welsh winter evening. Thank you, op. Thank you.

@Truckit

What a wonderful, poetic post. It conjures up the wild beauty of Wales and captures the heartbreaking story of bereavement.

Aww that is so sweet, she must have loved you very much 😢

Oh now Truckits beautiful words have me blubbing. This thread had warmed me on this grey old day.
A wonderful friendship, if only we were all so lucky. Treasure the memories.

68

68 and needing help with the shopping and so on. It makes me realise how lucky the 68 year olds I know are, enjoying good health and more than capable of getting to the shop and back.

Let us raise a glass! To jean! May she rest in peace in the clouds above dramatic wales!

Indeed, I shall have a sherry or two.

TO JEAN

I know it’s not 8 but Jean is a woman of understanding and wisdom and will not mind a sherry at just before 6.

Jeans around wales, we salute you.

@Truckit was the neighbour only 68? Ah, I see she was. I must have misread it because I assumed she was a decade or so older.

I have friends in their mid to late 60's who still work fulltime, and lead active, healthy lives. If I offered to do their washing or shopping they'd look at me like I'd gone out.

The OP did say she was frail though, not all folk in their 7th decade are so lucky.

to Jean, rest in peace lovely lady

My tears now fall like rain on a welsh slate grey roof. Incessant and persistent, they hit the grey surface like lost souls at a Little Mix concert.

68! 68 and so frail, so housebound, yet so strong and resourceful and leaving her legacy behind.

I am howling like a welsh gale.

Jean

Truckit I think we get the point, you're making an arse of yourself now.