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Original poster

To not tell oldest friend I’m expecting as I haven’t seen her

273 replies

AliceRR · 16/10/2018 18:57

I am 23 weeks pregnant. Started telling people properly at about 14 weeks as I was nearly that when I had my first scan.

Other than a few exceptions, eg relatives abroad, I didn’t tell people except when I saw them but most friends I saw around that time as I had actually been keeping to myself a bit during first trimester due to tiredness etc.

I have a friend who I went to school with and have known since I was about 5. She’s not my best friend but she’s my oldest friend and a good friend.

I have been in touch with her and talked about meeting up but we haven’t made any plans. I even hinted we had something to tell them by saying we had lots to catch up and and she said I was making her guess what we have to tell her! She said she’d look at the diary.

She has generally responded to some of my texts (mainly about us both trying to move house) and not others in the last few months. I last saw her in March when I invited her and her boyfriend and a few other friends out for dinner to celebrate my birthday. She didn’t reply to my last text last month.

I don’t feel like I should keep trying to contact her but don’t want to tell her by phone or text I’m pregnant. I kind of think if she isn’t bothered to keep in touch or meet up so be it.

I’m not really upset about it but don’t want to fall out with her and I’m thinking would she be annoyed if it got to next year and I had a baby and she hadn’t known I was expecting!

Realistically we might make contact over Christmas even if it’s I send her a card and she contacts me but by then we might be talking about meeting in Jan which is v close to my due date!

She lives about 2 miles away by the way not far but may be busy with work / moving house.

OP posts:
Flatpackjackie · 16/10/2018 20:15

It's dramatic news to you, but not to her.

You'll look like a dick if don't want to tell her via text. It's not a big deal to her.

MirriVan · 16/10/2018 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Redglitter · 16/10/2018 20:24

Ffs talk about making a drama out of nothing. Does it really matter if you can't tell everyone face to face. That just sounds as if you need to be the centre of attention to make your 'big announcement Just send her a text. It's going to be a LOT weirder if you dont then next meet her when your 8 months pregnant or something

House4 · 16/10/2018 20:31

I get where your coming from but just text her now and update us all tonight Smile!
Long friendships change over the years but there really is nothing like an old friend. You may see more of each other eventually if you both have babies at similar times and think how great that would be.
Don't potentially ruin a long friendship as you would really look awful if you don't just send a 5 second text to say 'hey I'm pregnant! Wanted to tell you when we next met up but not sure when that would be. Hope you're well xx'

SaucyJack · 16/10/2018 20:32

Yeah, agree you’re making a massive deal out of it.

I’m sure she’ll be very pleased for you.... but she’s not gonna need to be sat down with the smelling salts to hand. It’s lovely news, but hardly shocking.

Linziepie · 16/10/2018 20:32

Of course you should tell her via text. get over yourself having a baby is only big news for you there is no need to attach such significance to telling her in person.

holasoydora · 16/10/2018 20:39

Just text her OP! My oldest friend texted me "I'm up the duff". It did the job.

OpenThatTrapDoor · 16/10/2018 20:41

No need for the drama, just tell her.

Sounds like she’s probably guessed from the ‘hints’ and is being as stubborn as you about it though!

LotsToThinkOf · 16/10/2018 20:45

You've left it way too long for it not to be a thing now, why on earth would a text not have done when you started telling people? If your friend is too busy to meet up then that's not a reason to withhold the information, and grand announcements 'face to face' are very OTT.

Send her a text tonight, you can't leave this any longer and you definitely owe her an apology.

AuntBeastie · 16/10/2018 20:47

Seems like a lot of unnecessary drama when you could avoid the possibility of hurt feelings and sadness by sending a simple text...

Spanglylycra · 16/10/2018 20:48

I don't think you're being unreasonable, if she isn't making any effort why is it down to you? I have given up on people who don't make effort to get in touch, you soon find out who your real friends are. Are you sure someone else hasn't told her though and she's waiting for you to tell her?

Dontrocktheboat · 16/10/2018 20:51

This happened to me, a close friend living quite far away did not tell me she was pregnant, I happened to call her and she had had a baby! I was beyond hurt. In fact I think it is the most hurt I have ever been other than when I have actually had a romantic relationship end. We are no longer friends. I have to say, there were other issues, but that was the beginning of the end.

Why not tell her by phone or text? It sounds a bit precious tbh, the only people for whom this will be momentous news are you and your partner. For everyone else, yes it's s bit of good news but hardly earth shattering.

Laiste · 16/10/2018 20:54

Wouldn't it be funny if, when you do finally meet up, she has a baby ...

How would you feel OP? Hurt she hadn't mentioned it in any texts?

Just text her!

Ohheyyy · 16/10/2018 20:54

I would just text her and tell her and day it seems life is getting carried away with both of you that unfortunatley you've not been able to say face to face.

Life happens and gets in the way, don't hold it against her.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 16/10/2018 20:54

I once had a friend who did the whole "I've got something exciting to tell you when me meet" crap. Being terminally barren I automatically assumed she was pregnant and so avoided the hell out of her.

Turns out she was just announcing that she had been awarded a really prestigious scholarship for her post grad studies.

I was pissed at her. She was pissed at me. We are no longer friends.

Original poster
AliceRR · 16/10/2018 21:16

@Spanglylycra That’s it. I do just feel a bit like she can’t be bothered to even text me back! No we don’t have any mutual friends these days so no one could have told her.

@Dontrocktheboat She doesn’t live far away though. She lives 10 mins away!

@Laiste I would but the difference is it’s clear I’ve been the one trying to stay in touch / meet up. If she had been asking to meet up and I had ignored her and then she had a baby by the time I saw her it would probably be my own fault?!

OP posts:
Amanduh · 16/10/2018 21:21

Yab ridiculous and very ott. Just text her for crying out loud WHY the need for drama and tit for tat? Get over it

Iloveacurry · 16/10/2018 21:29

You’re thinking of this too much. Just said her a text. I told most of my good friends over the phone when I was pregnant.

ChocolateChipMuffin2016 · 16/10/2018 21:36

I’m pregnant and I agree it’s nice to tell people face to face but people have busy lives. If she’s your friend don’t punish her for being busy, tell her. One of my oldest good friends lives miles away so I text her the news. I’m actually seeing her next month and I won’t even be 20 weeks so could have waited but she’s my friend and I didn’t want to risk her finding out from someone/on social media and being hurt.

Lougle · 16/10/2018 21:44

This is what the saying "cutting off your nose to spite your face"was invented for!

You want her to know. She would want to know. You just want her to want to know before you tell her! Stop being so proud and so afraid of getting hurt. Send her a text.

HelloSnow · 16/10/2018 21:52

Do you want to end the friendship OP? Because that's how it's coming across. If you do, fine, don't tell her as you wouldn't share the news with ex-friends. But if you want to keep the friendship then just send a text!

AuntBeastie · 16/10/2018 21:58

I just think you need to accept that while your baby is lovely news, big ‘in person’ announcements are only really important for family and very close friends. I can’t see why you’re insistent on telling everyone in person - it slightly suggests that you’re seeking opportunities for people to make a fuss of you.

You don’t have to tell her if you really don’t want to but you have to accept that you may lose a friend over it.

Cookit · 16/10/2018 22:01

Just text her tonight.

I’m not one for social media announcements and round robin texts announcing a pregnancy and I agree telling people one by one is better, but if you haven’t been able to meet up you just tell her via text.

You’ve got yourself al wrapped up in a rule that you’ve randomly imposed on yourself (telling people in person only).

Antigon · 16/10/2018 22:15

I was that friend going through shit, not replying to texts very often but keeping in touch every month or so. My friend told me she was pregnant when she was 8 months. She could have told me by text at any time in the previous 6 months.

I wasn't particularly offended, but I thought it was a wanky thing to do.

RememberWhenRibenaTastedNice · 16/10/2018 22:25

You're massively turning this into something it doesn't need to be.

Good luck with the baby. Flowers