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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not tell oldest friend I’m expecting as I haven’t seen her

273 replies

AliceRR · 16/10/2018 18:57

I am 23 weeks pregnant. Started telling people properly at about 14 weeks as I was nearly that when I had my first scan.

Other than a few exceptions, eg relatives abroad, I didn’t tell people except when I saw them but most friends I saw around that time as I had actually been keeping to myself a bit during first trimester due to tiredness etc.

I have a friend who I went to school with and have known since I was about 5. She’s not my best friend but she’s my oldest friend and a good friend.

I have been in touch with her and talked about meeting up but we haven’t made any plans. I even hinted we had something to tell them by saying we had lots to catch up and and she said I was making her guess what we have to tell her! She said she’d look at the diary.

She has generally responded to some of my texts (mainly about us both trying to move house) and not others in the last few months. I last saw her in March when I invited her and her boyfriend and a few other friends out for dinner to celebrate my birthday. She didn’t reply to my last text last month.

I don’t feel like I should keep trying to contact her but don’t want to tell her by phone or text I’m pregnant. I kind of think if she isn’t bothered to keep in touch or meet up so be it.

I’m not really upset about it but don’t want to fall out with her and I’m thinking would she be annoyed if it got to next year and I had a baby and she hadn’t known I was expecting!

Realistically we might make contact over Christmas even if it’s I send her a card and she contacts me but by then we might be talking about meeting in Jan which is v close to my due date!

She lives about 2 miles away by the way not far but may be busy with work / moving house.

OP posts:
AliceRR · 22/10/2018 11:59

She could have but if she has then she hasn’t told me 😂

I honestly don’t want to be an insensitive tw*t but I do feel she has checked out and feel weird about making further attempts to reach her. Even just saying “I’m pregnant!” after she ignored my last texts seems weird.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/10/2018 12:02

Do you have her on FB/Instagram? Not that I'm suggesting you contact her on there, just thinking that if she was on SM I doubt she would keep blanking your texts as you could contact her elsewhere.

FWIW I would leave her now, if she hasn't changed her number ( which is unlikely but not impossible) she's not getting back in touch to a reason. Leave her be and focus on you.

AliceRR · 22/10/2018 12:29

She’s on Facebook but like me she’s not very active on there.

I think the same. I’m not writing her off at all and realise she might have her reasons for not replying to me but I’m not going to keep messaging her.

OP posts:
AliceRR · 24/10/2018 11:49

Friend just texted me back saying sorry for not being in touch. She and partner took a last minute hol abroad! She said they have found a house and is busy trying to move before Christmas. I am going to reply and tell her my news!! But I’m going to be petty and wait a few hours and do it this afternoon or this evening...

OP posts:
laceygo · 24/10/2018 12:03

Jesus Christ 

Eliza9917 · 24/10/2018 12:09

laceygo Wed 24-Oct-18 12:03:59
Jesus Christ

yeah, I second that.

Suzysuz · 24/10/2018 12:12

I’m confused, you have a reply, an apology for late reply and her reason.... why would you wait to reply? And being petty (as you say?) isn’t affecting anyone but yourself and isn’t actually achieving anything? After all these updates, she’s come back to you and is either a friend or not?

RedDrink · 24/10/2018 12:14

If you're old enough to become a mother then you're old enough to be mature and go ahead and tell her. Geez.

Lweji · 24/10/2018 12:17

This is one of those things that is 100% in your head. She probably won't notice you just replied a few hours after her message. Or think too much about it.
Just tell her the news now or wait when you feel like replying, but TBH I wouldn't give it too much head space.

mogloveseggs · 24/10/2018 12:21

Op life gets in the way.
My best and oldest friend-we dont speak for weeks and weeks sometimes but we know that things happen, time flies and it’s like it’s only been days when we see each other. Give her a break.

AliceRR · 24/10/2018 12:27

I absolutely am still friends with her but didn’t feel like dropping what I was doing to say “I’m having a baby!” and seems a bit weird to text her within 2 seconds after she’s not been in touch for weeks. I’ll text her when I have time to think about it later. Just getting ready to go to an appointment at the bank!

OP posts:
Littlecaf · 24/10/2018 12:28

Just tell her. A really good uni friend didn’t tell us (her close group of uni friends) she was pregnant until the baby arrived. We’d seen her at about 12 weeks but life got in the way. I got a photo of A baby 6m later. Just tell her.

Eliza9917 · 24/10/2018 12:28

I really hope she got PG on her holiday.

laceygo · 24/10/2018 12:30

@Eliza9917 

Lizzie48 · 24/10/2018 12:30

Wow, talk about being petty and childish. Your friend has apologised and given you the reason why she hasn't been in touch. Just text her with your news, or not.

You're about to be a mum, it's time to act like a grown up. 

laceygo · 24/10/2018 12:30

@Eliza9917 it was smiley faces but they're not showing up

NowNowMardiBum · 24/10/2018 12:31

You're about to be a mum, it's time to act like a grown up.

Agreed. This thread is depressingly childish. What’s wrong with people like the op? Fucking tragic.

RedDrink · 24/10/2018 13:10

I think people make way too big of a deal out of announcing their pregnancy. The when, the how, etc. Lots of people get pregnant, it's a big deal to the Mum and Dad (and other existing children) maybe even to the GP's but otherwise not to most others.

JessieLemon · 24/10/2018 13:14

Almost unbelievable that there are people out there like this Hmm

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 24/10/2018 13:16

But I’m going to be petty and wait a few hours and do it this afternoon or this evening...

Of course you are. 🙄

Pinotwoman82 · 24/10/2018 14:00

Oh wow seriously Hmm

AliceRR · 24/10/2018 15:01

It’s actually some of you who are unbelievable. Get over yourselves! I updated you in good faith because of the time you have invested in my thread and despite some of you being quite rude and childish yourselves. There’s nothing wrong with not rushing to reply to a text that was something like 2 months coming - she hasn’t been on holiday that long!

I am at work. Like I say I updated you all as I appreciate the time you have take to respond to me.

OP posts:
Lweji · 24/10/2018 15:06

There’s nothing wrong with not rushing to reply to a text that was something like 2 months coming - she hasn’t been on holiday that long!

It is odd when you have time to discuss it on MN but can't be arsed to reply to her.

AliceRR · 24/10/2018 15:13

@Llweji It’s not that odd. I prioritised replying to you all because of the time some people have invested in this thread! At the same time I do want to send her well thought out text too which I like to do on the train home rather than rushing a reply when I’m sitting at my desk at work.

OP posts:
RoboticMary · 24/10/2018 15:21

It’s not a big deal to her. Only to you. Get over yourself. This isn’t the earth-shattering news you think it is. Hmm