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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What to do with aupair

607 replies

Whattheactualheck · 15/10/2018 17:04

Would really appreciate some help here. Aupair started out fairly promisingly but things are becoming increasingly strained. It doesn’t feel as though she wants to be part of our family. She spends a lot of time on her phone when she’s supposedly “ playing “ with the kids. I’ve already told her about this several times. She can’t cook and so I’m preparing all the meals even when I come back from work I’ve barely got my foot in the door and I’m busy in the kitchen. She has every weekend off and has friends she stays with in the next town so we don’t see her from Saturday morning until Sunday late at night. This is fine and I’m glad she has fun. However it’s the attitude when she’s here. She’s cold with the children. Makes no conversation and acts like she doesn’t like them. My son was ill the other day and I said I had to go back to work for a few hours and could she please look after him. I got tearful phone call from him saying could I come home as the aupair went out just after I’d left. My husband and I repeatedly tried to phone her but she wouldn’t pick up. I had to leave work in the end and her reason when I finally got hold of her was “ it was such a gorgeous sunny day I really fancied a walk”. A two hour walk when you’ve got a sick child that you’re supposed to be in charge of? Then this morning another tearful call from son saying she’s been mean to him and his siblings. Cold and snappy and just generally rolling eyes at them and being unkind. Would I be justified in calling it a day? Son she left alone is 11 by the way. I don’t mind twenty mins here and there but this was over two hours . I’ve had enough.

OP posts:
Aprilislonggone · 17/10/2018 19:46

Wow, was going to ask had she left with a parting shot. The coward kept it for via text. Show dh then delete and block her.

friskybivalves · 17/10/2018 19:47

Perhaps her friends have revved her up having only heard her side of the story.

Is her tone threatening or is she just lashing out? Or both?

If she genuinely felt aggrieved, the time to put her point of view - calmly and rationally - was in the period when she disappeared all day and then returned only to eat so voraciously she ponked out your bathroom.

Sending vicious little messages after the event rather reveals what a vicious piece of work she was.

Whattheactualheck · 17/10/2018 19:49

She seems to think that I made this decision on the spur of the moment and didn’t think about it or talk to my family first! As if... she refers to herself as mature and highly professional. Honestly

OP posts:
aaaaargghhhhelpme · 17/10/2018 19:50

Seriously where did you find this woman?! You need to make sure she doesn’t get another job looking after children.

Whattheactualheck · 17/10/2018 19:51

The message was high handed and self righteous

OP posts:
SnapAndFartAllDayLong · 17/10/2018 19:53

Screenshot evidence needed please WinkGrinGrin

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 17/10/2018 19:53

Have you already paid her for the end of the month?

fifithefoof · 17/10/2018 19:54

Fucking Ada. Hope she uses you as a reference. 

Whocansay · 17/10/2018 19:56

I'd text back 'lol'.

What a horror! At least it's reconfirming that you made the right decision. Make sure you change the locks. Just in case!

Whattheactualheck · 17/10/2018 19:56

I don’t want to screen shot the message as that’s not fair. I have blocked her now

OP posts:
OftenHangry · 17/10/2018 19:57

You screenshot it for yourself in case something happens.

Perhaps her friends have revved her up having only heard her side of the story.

This is exactly why I recommended changing locks. You never know if her friends are dodgy or not and whether she made a copy before.

Jamiefraserskilt · 17/10/2018 20:01

Please tell us you have not paid her flight home.....She blew that by sending that message!

BolleauxtoBankers · 17/10/2018 20:03

Did you employ her from an agency, OP? Because if so, they really need to be told about her before she gets to them and lies about you.

Whattheactualheck · 17/10/2018 20:04

No- thankfully not paid for her flight. Certainly won’t be now. The message was so “ poor me, poor me, and how awful you are”

OP posts:
Whattheactualheck · 17/10/2018 20:05

No it’s a website not agency.

OP posts:
sparklepops123 · 17/10/2018 20:05

Block her, there's nothing to gain

HollowTalk · 17/10/2018 20:06

She's got to her friend's house and is getting wine and sympathy there. They've got themselves all worked up - how dare she do that to me?! If I were you I'd unblock her and give her a few good reasons why you fired her, then tell her you're blocking her so she can save herself the bother of replying.

LeftRightCentre · 17/10/2018 20:13

She's a rotten piece of work. So glad she's and you blocked. Wouldn't give her a bean now. She's 24, FFS.

Ginburee · 17/10/2018 20:14

Sorry I have not commented before but I have read the full thread now - yes it sends me into tantrum mode when people don't rift.
So glad she has gone but what a dick sending a nasty message.
Have you paid her for the month yet as I would be tempted not to. I would reply to her message if you have not paid her and tell her exactly why she was fired and has not been paid.
She is old enough to know better.

makingmammaries · 17/10/2018 20:18

You know you did the right thing, OP. Now block her and don’t pay for anything else.

Helipad · 17/10/2018 20:28

When I was in my early twenties I seriously considered becoming an au pair ( I was desperate to come to the UK for a little adventure). But I had no child care experience and very little cooking skills either. Luckily it came to nothing as looking back now, I think I would have been too lazy to do domestic duties and it may have become a disaster.

BUT I would have been mortified if my host family would have needed to sack me. Absolutely mortified, not nasty or thrown tantrums. And I’d never left a poorly child alone. This says a lot about this person. It’s a good thing she’s out now. Dreading to think who will be her next victim though. Scary to think what kind of people walk amongst us.

DonkeyHotei · 17/10/2018 20:34

Are you seriously not going to pay for her flights when you said you would because she sent you a message you didn't like? I think that is absolutely outrageous. She has the right to express her feelings to you by message just like you have the right to sack her because she did a shit job. But she expressed her feelings via a message; she didn't attack you, steal from you, or damage your property. She sent you WORDS by text. So for you to renege on something that you've contractually agreed to do, ie pay her flights, is absolutely gobsmackingly outrageous and really says something about you as a person. If you're the kind of person who could do that, then it calls into question how reasonable the conditions at your house were generally.

DonkeyHotei · 17/10/2018 20:38

I can't believe that people are actually supporting the perspective that you renege on something you have agreed to do because somebody expressed their feelings via words on a screen. Unless those words were threatening or illegal then it's really low. You think you're covered because there is no contract via an agency?! An abuse of your power over a vulnerable young woman. Shameful.

Iaimtomisbehave1 · 17/10/2018 20:43

@DonkeyHotei

How is she vulnerable? She's 24. Has been banging on about how independent she has been since age 11. Got herself to another country, got a job, has friends, has been you going out and about in her own for hours/days at a time. She's not a vulnerable young woman. She is a grown 24 year old who completely took advantage. Accepted a 'job' and then failed to perform the agreed (and very light) duties. And then sends abuse.

She's gotten more money than she has earned from OP already.

sunshinewithabitofdrizzle · 17/10/2018 20:44

DonkeyHotei she can't pay for flights anyway, as the girl claim she has no passport/id so can't travel. It's up to her to sort out her documents first. She may decide not to go home, but whatever she decides, it's no longer the OP's problem is it?