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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What to do with aupair

607 replies

Whattheactualheck · 15/10/2018 17:04

Would really appreciate some help here. Aupair started out fairly promisingly but things are becoming increasingly strained. It doesn’t feel as though she wants to be part of our family. She spends a lot of time on her phone when she’s supposedly “ playing “ with the kids. I’ve already told her about this several times. She can’t cook and so I’m preparing all the meals even when I come back from work I’ve barely got my foot in the door and I’m busy in the kitchen. She has every weekend off and has friends she stays with in the next town so we don’t see her from Saturday morning until Sunday late at night. This is fine and I’m glad she has fun. However it’s the attitude when she’s here. She’s cold with the children. Makes no conversation and acts like she doesn’t like them. My son was ill the other day and I said I had to go back to work for a few hours and could she please look after him. I got tearful phone call from him saying could I come home as the aupair went out just after I’d left. My husband and I repeatedly tried to phone her but she wouldn’t pick up. I had to leave work in the end and her reason when I finally got hold of her was “ it was such a gorgeous sunny day I really fancied a walk”. A two hour walk when you’ve got a sick child that you’re supposed to be in charge of? Then this morning another tearful call from son saying she’s been mean to him and his siblings. Cold and snappy and just generally rolling eyes at them and being unkind. Would I be justified in calling it a day? Son she left alone is 11 by the way. I don’t mind twenty mins here and there but this was over two hours . I’ve had enough.

OP posts:
woolduvet · 17/10/2018 14:37

You're doing really well

Mia184 · 17/10/2018 14:37

She is really making sure that no one will miss her, isn't she?

I was an au pair when I was 18 to 20 and would have never left a child home alone - and certainly not an ill one! I hope she doesn't try to find a new family since she doesn't appear to like children.

OP, have a glass of wine when she is gone! Wine Flowers

Iaimtomisbehave1 · 17/10/2018 14:39

I don't mean to be rude but this probably is. What is wrong with You? This is your house. And you're letting her treat it like that?

Grow a backbone and get her out. Pack her stuff for her if you need too. She's not a teenager. She's a 24 year old grown woman. I had 2 children and a business to run at that age.

IHTQUESTION · 17/10/2018 14:51

Astonishing behaviour! She sounds awful. Well done for getting rid of her.

YouDancin · 17/10/2018 14:59

I know she did wrong but she wasn't evil. She really should not have left your child alone and really should have answered the phone but she has not ben malicious.
She might be young minded and had little or no responsibilities so far in her life.

Please be a little bit kind to her. She hasn't damaged your property or done anything criminal.

DarlingNikita · 17/10/2018 15:00

Grow a backbone and get her out. Pack her stuff for her if you need too. She's not a teenager. She's a 24 year old grown woman.

This. What the fuck? What kind of 'smells'? Is she staging a dirty protest? Making a chemical weapon? I wouldn't trust her in the house any further. Make her wait for the taxi in a nearby cafe – or on the fucking doorstep if necessary. Or get the taxi to come immediately.

PiperPublickOccurrences · 17/10/2018 15:05

She sounds like a dream. Glad she's packing up and you can wave her off with a cheery "Auf Wiedersehn" or "adios" or "ciao. What country is she from in interests of helping others avoid entitled little madams?

LeftRightCentre · 17/10/2018 15:07

FFS, now you're teaching your children to be wet lettuces, too. Stop being such a chicken shit. Tell her to get out by 5pm. She's a grown woman. She's 24, not 16. She's a royal bitch who has treated you all like shit because she was allowed to do so as you have no spine/'don't like confrontation'. Turning her out on the streets, my arse, she has money and she's well into adulthood. She's mistreated your kids and caused you to have to sacrifice your bloody work commitments and you're still feeling sorry for her?

LeftRightCentre · 17/10/2018 15:09

Please be a little bit kind to her. She hasn't damaged your property or done anything criminal.

WTAF? The OP has been more than kind to her, putting up with her crap behaviour in her own home for months and paying for her to have an extended holiday complete with gym time. She's been shit to the OP's kids. She's being paid a month's wages.

LexieLulu · 17/10/2018 15:09

Jesus what the hell is she doing? Gosh I hope she's not being spiteful

DarlingNikita · 17/10/2018 15:10

What country is she from in interests of helping others avoid entitled little madams?

Yeah, because everyone from her country is bound to be the same. Hmm

Stonebake · 17/10/2018 15:17

Yikes! I’ve just read back through the thread. I’m counting down for you. Maybe she’s using immac? That really smells. Not the most important point to make, but you know.

SimplyPut · 17/10/2018 15:21

By her age I had children of my own, my MSc and decent job.
Her age is old to be an au pair!

alifromtheforest · 17/10/2018 15:22

Darling - dirty protest!

Chemical weapons!

I have tears in my eyes from laughing at those 😂 But I'm still curious as to what the smells are....?!

Whattheactualheck · 17/10/2018 15:22

She’s leaving at 4.30 the taxi is booked!! I’m not being a chicken shit I bloody sacked her last night and she’s got an hour or so left and she’s out!! I think she’s just not bothered about being tidy or leaving bad smells. I probably shouldn’t keep updating because she’s going but my time table and methodology isn’t aggressive enough for some. I’m happy I’m dealing with this as well as I possibly can. She’s leaving but I’m being reasonable and giving her time to get sorted. I can’t really win in everyones’ eyes because people all deal with things in such varied ways.

OP posts:
SimplyPut · 17/10/2018 15:24

Your doing great OP. Almost there!

Whattheactualheck · 17/10/2018 15:24

Think she just did a massive shit and didn’t bother trying to conceal the smell. No spray, opening windows etc. Or maybe she has an upset tummy , that would be awful.

OP posts:
GrandmaSharksDentures · 17/10/2018 15:25

Well I think you've handled it very well. You are absolutely right that whilst she is annoying to you, she is someone's daughter & treating her as you would wish your own daughter to be treated is very important.

Whattheactualheck · 17/10/2018 15:27

My kids aren’t wet lettuces leftrightcentre, far from it. However they do have empathy which is so important in life. They didn’t like to see her cry . I think that’s quite normal

OP posts:
Pemba · 17/10/2018 15:29

Or maybe she has an upset tummy , that would be awful.

Don't feel any compassion for her, she didn't for your boy when he was poorly, did she? She will just have to deal with it.

Can't stand people who are unkind to children. If she doesn't like kids, she shouldn't have taken the job.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 17/10/2018 15:31

Ignore the hyenas, Whatthe You've dealt with it all pretty smartly. She will be gone, if a little lingering, shorty and your DCs can do a happy dance - at the thought of a new au pair, rather than at the back of the old one, obviously Smile

harriethoyle · 17/10/2018 15:33

I think you're handling it just fine - you know you've given her enough chances, and that now she has to go, you're being firm but fair. Bon chance! X

SandAndSea · 17/10/2018 15:38

OP, I doubt I'm the only one thinking how lovely you and your chn sound. I'm almost tempted to offer my services to tide you over - my own ensuite, gym membership, meals, days out, games and pocket money!! It sounds great!

I think you've handled it all really well. Not long to go now! Flowers

Weezol · 17/10/2018 15:38

I think takeaway/out for for tea with the DC's is in order tonight. Sounds like you all deserve a treat!

DarlingNikita · 17/10/2018 15:41

alifromtheforest I was joking about the chemical weapon, but am slightly worried that the dirty protest thing is true...

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