Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What to do with aupair

607 replies

Whattheactualheck · 15/10/2018 17:04

Would really appreciate some help here. Aupair started out fairly promisingly but things are becoming increasingly strained. It doesn’t feel as though she wants to be part of our family. She spends a lot of time on her phone when she’s supposedly “ playing “ with the kids. I’ve already told her about this several times. She can’t cook and so I’m preparing all the meals even when I come back from work I’ve barely got my foot in the door and I’m busy in the kitchen. She has every weekend off and has friends she stays with in the next town so we don’t see her from Saturday morning until Sunday late at night. This is fine and I’m glad she has fun. However it’s the attitude when she’s here. She’s cold with the children. Makes no conversation and acts like she doesn’t like them. My son was ill the other day and I said I had to go back to work for a few hours and could she please look after him. I got tearful phone call from him saying could I come home as the aupair went out just after I’d left. My husband and I repeatedly tried to phone her but she wouldn’t pick up. I had to leave work in the end and her reason when I finally got hold of her was “ it was such a gorgeous sunny day I really fancied a walk”. A two hour walk when you’ve got a sick child that you’re supposed to be in charge of? Then this morning another tearful call from son saying she’s been mean to him and his siblings. Cold and snappy and just generally rolling eyes at them and being unkind. Would I be justified in calling it a day? Son she left alone is 11 by the way. I don’t mind twenty mins here and there but this was over two hours . I’ve had enough.

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 17/10/2018 12:53

she’s someones daughter, she’s young and she’s away from home

Many of us had been away from home for years by 24, with many responsibilities.

As for 'someones daughter', my parents would have been thoroughly ashamed of me if I'd acted that way as a teenager, let alone at her age!

fifithefoof · 17/10/2018 12:56

I'd loved alone for 8 year in London miles from my family at 24!

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 17/10/2018 12:56

I know she’s 24 (and waaaaay past being called a little girl) but just wondered if you had any more contacts for her back home? Maybe her parents or did you find her through an agency?

Might be worth dropping them a line if you’re concerned and mention her losing her papers etc. Personally it sounds like a line for your benefit but hey if you want to cover all your bases.

RockinHippy · 17/10/2018 12:59

Just get rid, she sounds like a lazy cow & a liability. What exactly does she think she gets paid for, house sitting

You & your DCs don't need to put up with that. I'd have done it at least on the day she went out & left your DS alone when you'd asked her to sit with him a few hours.

Whattheactualheck · 17/10/2018 13:32

I just want this over she’s now doing all her laundry and eating as much food as she can. I’m going to book a taxi to the station I just need this over with now.

OP posts:
fifithefoof · 17/10/2018 13:38

I've been sacked. I know- I'll eat everything! 

Stick her wet laundry in a bag and get her to thee station!

acivilcontract · 17/10/2018 13:40

As I darkly suspected there are no missing papers, if there were then she would need to go to the embassy. I suspect she doesn't want the shame of returning home and admitting she got sacked, I imagine that if she is from the EU she will stay with her friends and look for another job. You and your DC will all be breathing a large sigh of relief soon. Good luck with the next one.

Solenti · 17/10/2018 13:46

Good work with the taxi...I would do the same. Stick all the wet laundry in bin bags and put by the door ready to leave. Put your own washing in the machine so it can't be used. Everything from her room is either packed now by her, or go in and bag it all up yourself. Keep a close eye on any valuables!!! She clearly wants her monies worth from this!

number1wang · 17/10/2018 13:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iaimtomisbehave1 · 17/10/2018 13:49

@Whattheactualheck

Turn the power off. Give her some bin bags for the wet stuff and tell her she's leaving now. And tell her to stop eating your food.

Whattheactualheck · 17/10/2018 13:50

I’m don’t think we have anything of monetary value really in the house which is good. I’ve just can’t wait for this to be over. She looked at me so sadly earlier when I asked for the key. She is good at feeling sorry for herself isn’t she

OP posts:
Solenti · 17/10/2018 13:56

If she feels that shit and upset about leaving she would have made an actual effort to engage with your family rather than ignoring your chats about her conduct and carrying on the same way! She is upset because she is losing her free gym, endless food and piss-easy job! I would have sympathy if she had tried her best. Good luck OP, it's nearly over!

GabsAlot · 17/10/2018 13:59

just take her clothes out of the wash and say put them awaybplease you not longer can use the facilities and watch her pack

manicmij · 17/10/2018 14:03

Get rid of! Not accepting her responsibilities and sounds she never would.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 17/10/2018 14:03

Tell her to stop eating and start packing! FFS! She is totally stalling.

YearOfYouRemember · 17/10/2018 14:04

Of course she doesn't want your help re the embassy. She's lost nothing. Other than the common sense and decency she was born with.

Whattheactualheck · 17/10/2018 14:09

Darlingnikkita and others you are right about the age. I’d been living alone for years by that point and would never have left a sick child alone when I was an aupair. I sincerely hope her friend doesn’t get sick of her freeloading and eating habits

OP posts:
artemisdubois · 17/10/2018 14:11

I hope she clears off imminently!

She's a grown adult who was offered a nice position in which she was expected to do very little (less than a lot of teenage children with younger siblings). She not only was lazy enough to neglect the few tasks you gave her, but also has an attitude on her and made your children unhappy and uncomfortable. She's made your life more difficult and charged you for the privilege.

DerelictWreck · 17/10/2018 14:15

As I said before, I don't think she's lost her papers at all, that's why she doesn't want to go to the embassy. She's just playing for time.

Completely agree. Even though it's legally possible, I don't know of any airline that actually lets you travel on an ID card out of the border-free area of Europe.

domestichiefofstaff · 17/10/2018 14:17

Sending empathetic hugs. We've had some really great au pairs and some total shockers. The last one begged and pleaded for a second chance despite the fact we'd had about a dozen conversations on expectations. She was so horrible to the children!
Some of them are just children and are slightly shocked that they can't lie in bed all day (well, they can once the school run is done!) one asked where she should put her dirty washing and was almost rude when I showed her the washing machine!!
Sounds like the sobbing is self pity and maybe a bollocking from her family but you can bet she hasn't told the truth about her sacking! I've learnt that there is not much point discussing what went wrong as they simply can't see it.
Only had to sack 2. One was simply poisonous and clearly hated everyone and the other was beyond stoooppid and simply not capable of even making toast.
Some are great but some are totally disinterested in anyone else's needs and lack commitment. One said that her granny was dying and left on the next flight and then posted photos of her immediate romantic holiday with her boyfriend on social media, the stooopid one was sacked after she forgot a child and was also seen driving out of the school car park with a 9 year old running alongside trying to get in the car!!!
Have a big glass of wine tonight!

Aeroflotgirl · 17/10/2018 14:17

This is why I would not like to employ any live in childcare, as I just could not deal with a stranger living with us, and rubbish like this. More hassle than its worth. HOpe that she has gone now.

Whattheactualheck · 17/10/2018 14:33

She’s still here. Some god awful smells coming out her bathroom no idea what she’s doing. She’s left bits of salad all over the floor and thrown her cups and plates in the sink. Only 2 hours and she’s out

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 17/10/2018 14:34

Oh no, poor you Whatteactualheck, she sounds awful, good thing you told her to go.

domestichiefofstaff · 17/10/2018 14:35

She's got her own bathroom? I'll be your au pair!!!! 

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 17/10/2018 14:36

Why are you tolerating this? Knock on her door, open it and find out what she is doing. She could be trashing the bathroom. It's your house.