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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What to do with aupair

607 replies

Whattheactualheck · 15/10/2018 17:04

Would really appreciate some help here. Aupair started out fairly promisingly but things are becoming increasingly strained. It doesn’t feel as though she wants to be part of our family. She spends a lot of time on her phone when she’s supposedly “ playing “ with the kids. I’ve already told her about this several times. She can’t cook and so I’m preparing all the meals even when I come back from work I’ve barely got my foot in the door and I’m busy in the kitchen. She has every weekend off and has friends she stays with in the next town so we don’t see her from Saturday morning until Sunday late at night. This is fine and I’m glad she has fun. However it’s the attitude when she’s here. She’s cold with the children. Makes no conversation and acts like she doesn’t like them. My son was ill the other day and I said I had to go back to work for a few hours and could she please look after him. I got tearful phone call from him saying could I come home as the aupair went out just after I’d left. My husband and I repeatedly tried to phone her but she wouldn’t pick up. I had to leave work in the end and her reason when I finally got hold of her was “ it was such a gorgeous sunny day I really fancied a walk”. A two hour walk when you’ve got a sick child that you’re supposed to be in charge of? Then this morning another tearful call from son saying she’s been mean to him and his siblings. Cold and snappy and just generally rolling eyes at them and being unkind. Would I be justified in calling it a day? Son she left alone is 11 by the way. I don’t mind twenty mins here and there but this was over two hours . I’ve had enough.

OP posts:
Bimgy85 · 16/10/2018 21:51

Please fire her and let her know why. This will teach her a lot going forward

StrangeLookingParasite · 16/10/2018 22:06

She says her identity card was stolen and she used it to travel instead of a passport.

Of course. And the dog ate her homework, too. How awfully convenient.

RoseJam · 16/10/2018 22:08

You've done the hardest bit. Stay strong. She is crying for herself not for you or your family.

There is a very real possibility that she realises the game is up with you, she tries to stay as long as possible with you whilst she finds another family. Don't get drawn in.

The fairest thing you can do is pay her notice as per your contract, pay for a weeks B&B and book a flight for her home. Expensive I know, but it will be worth it to get shot of her, not have to deal with her miserable face and potential angry actions and get her out of your house. At least this way you would have terminated her contract in a very fair way - pay and accommodation and a flight home. You would not be leaving her on the streets at least

BitOutOfPractice · 16/10/2018 22:12

She left an ill child at home alone to go for a walk? And you need to ask if you should get rid?!? Really? Come on op

SubtitlesOn · 16/10/2018 22:21

Glad you are getting rid of her

Shocked she is so old cos it sounds like a 17/18 year old

What has she being doing since leaving school?

Did she come with any references? Were they really glowing like someone wanted rid of her quickly?

I wouldn't give her any money until 3 days later when you know no damage has been done to the house or anything stolen

Take photos of all the living areas that she has access to so that you can easily see if something is missing after she has gone

What country is she from?

Hopefully Ryanair fly there and she will be stuck paying for excess luggage

BitOutOfPractice · 16/10/2018 22:22

Sorry op I missed that you'd sacked her. Well done. Remain resolute. Remember she had no qualms about ripping you off.

Whattheactualheck · 16/10/2018 22:26

Bit out of practice- stop having a pop. I’ve told her now or did you choose not to read that important bit of information. Re my lioness not coming out, these things are incremental and don’t all happen at once. A funny look here, a grumpy attitude there. Yes the killer was the leaving my son and I was livid with her and told her in no uncertain terms at the time that it was totally unacceptable. I gave her a second chance because she said she was sorry and she’d misjudged the situation due to her being from axmore independent culture. I am an optimist and have made a mistake. I’m now sorting it. To springydaff you are a bit cruel and presumptuous in your arm chair diagnosis. I don’t like confrontation- no, but I won’t let her hurt my kids and clearly I’m taking steps to get her out. Paying notice is standard. No I don’t hate her. I don’t like her behaviour or her actions, infact I despise the way she’s been to my kids. I don’t hate her though. She’s a young, selfish woman who thinks the world is her oyster . She’ll grow up one day when she realises the world doesn’t resolve around her. It doesn’t make her the devil incarnate. She’s just silly and immature.

OP posts:
Whattheactualheck · 16/10/2018 22:29

Bitofpractice sorry x post Flowers

OP posts:
AbbieLexie · 16/10/2018 22:30

@Whattheactualheck Flowers Loving your last response.

TAMS71 · 16/10/2018 22:43

@Whattheactualheck

"’m actually getting annoyed now. Why don’t people read the thread. I have clearly said she has all day when the kids are at school not Just Saturday to Sunday"

Err... no you didn't - read your original post again!!! Unless it's buried in the 260 posts in this thread somewhere. I wish people would read their own posts, how annoying!

fifithefoof · 16/10/2018 22:50

@TAMS71 op did say that. More than once.

Whattheactualheck · 16/10/2018 22:52

For goodness sake. I said Thread NOT Original post. If you can clearly see there are pages of thread and think it’s appropriate to ignore this and only comment on the original post then it’s a bit pointless. Please see my post of 17.45 yesterday aupair. My kids are all School age so she has all day to herself.

OP posts:
PrimalLass · 16/10/2018 23:01

TAMS71 Have you been on the sherry?

TAMS71 · 16/10/2018 23:03

Geez you expect people to read 260 posts before they are allowed to comment! Do you think you may be a tad more unreasonable than you're making out to be? hmmmm

Note to future posters; DO NOT COMMENT UNLESS YOU HAVE READ ALL 11 POSTS OVER THE 11 PAGES PLEASE!

TAMS71 · 16/10/2018 23:04

260 post over 11 pages rather!

fifithefoof · 16/10/2018 23:07

Yes. Read the fucking thread.

Whattheactualheck · 16/10/2018 23:11

Do you know what? I’m not really that bothered TAMS. Think and say what you like. ( although it’s a widely held view on here that posters should RTFT before commenting) Read a few words of a thread and comment, read the first chapter of a book and profess to know how it ends. Ive had the day from hell and you are very low on my list of worries. As you were

OP posts:
oopslateagain · 16/10/2018 23:11

Yes. This. RTFT. Otherwise you're that annoying person jumping in on a conversation when you've only heard the first two minutes and then wandered off for a coffee and wandered back twenty minutes later with a comment that makes everybody look at you like this --> Hmm

notapizzaeater · 16/10/2018 23:22

You've done the hardest bit, now you just have to get her out 😀🙇‍♂️

Antigon · 16/10/2018 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

slithytove · 16/10/2018 23:37

@TAMS71 maybe don’t read the whole thread but at least try to read the OP’s posts?

Whattheactualheck · 16/10/2018 23:44

Huge thank you to those who have helped me on this thread, to take the steps to get this resolved. Many of you have taken a lot of time to write thoughtful and helpful messages, much appreciated Flowers. I can hear her stomping around downstairs and it’s making me very jumpy!!

OP posts:
dora38 · 16/10/2018 23:57

Absolutely get rid immediately and don't feel one bit bad. I had several au pairs. 2 were gems and the rest were nightmares. Most couldn't cook or do anything basic. They poured breakfast cereal onto plates not into bowls, crashed the car, burst tyres, clipped people's wing mirrors, left the house wide open for burglars to invite themselves in , arrived drunk, smoked in their bedrooms, started lesbian relationships with people they met on holiday and came here to test out said relationship, lost my kids , lost themselves on route to school and had to be searched and rescued, burned kids clothes, screamed in my kids faces, hadn't a word of English , gave the kids raw chicken , let a 2 year old almost fall off a kerb onto a main road..........I hate au pairs! Say goodbye and regain your sanity. Left your kid alone !!!!! That one is enough by itself . Pack her off. I'm zero tolerance on these dudes.

Loonoon · 16/10/2018 23:57

You have been more than fair with her and very generous. She’ll be gone soon and you can look back on this with pride that you asserted yourself and stood your ground.

fifithefoof · 16/10/2018 23:58

SHES ALREADY SACKED HER!!!' 

I need to take a break from Mumsnet. The nrtfft is really getting to me.

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