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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've just run a half marathon and im fecking tired

175 replies

Oneandoneontheway · 14/10/2018 18:25

DH brought the kids ds 3 and dd 1. They watched at the finish line with Bil and then we went for food after the run. I'm super tired. We got the train home, then he sorts out dinner for the kids. Smashing, however I equally sort fire out, change dd into pj's and pop to bed. Then go for a bath. Whilst in the bath, dd starts wailing, so I shout to dh to get her. He then rants that he's tired etc and can't I help. Jeez!! I'm in the bath and I've just run 13.1 miles!!!!!!

OP posts:
RainbowBriteRules · 14/10/2018 20:45

Pissedoff yes he did. It was fucking annoying and drove me mad. So when the kids were small after many arguments (as I have said) I said things had to change and he got up very, very early to run. I don’t think any parent is entitled to a long break and still feel guilty about taking one now unless they are in bed even if mine are school age.

Parenting is hard, relentless work which is easier with both parents present and I see it as fairly constant until they grow up. Certainly kids age 3 and 1 level no room for hobbies.

larrygrylls · 14/10/2018 20:46

Antigon,

I am cringing for your lack of parsing accurately. If there had been a comma between ‘job’ and ‘which’, you might have had a point. There wasn’t. The applauded is clearly still referring to the run (in a negative sense).

MandalaYogaTapestry · 14/10/2018 20:46

This thread has made me very angry. Not everything is about bloody childcare! Partners are supposed to support each other in their pursuits, not begrudge each other having to look after children. Parents are already sacrificing so much of their lives.

And yes, i have children and i have a hobby and my husband has a hobby and we helping each other maintain these hobbies while raising kids. For God's sake, OP, you should be very proud of yourself.

RainbowBriteRules · 14/10/2018 20:48

Antigon, but she did behave badly. She put the child to bed (badly I’m afraid as the child woke up pretty soon which is common yet she had already got in the bath) then was stroppy with her DH about being tired.

Anyway, this thread isn’t about me so I’ll bow out.

AnotherOriginalUsername · 14/10/2018 20:48

The replies on this thread have made me appreciate my husband so much more. Just last week we had a discussion about how he'd worked out how he could manage our what would then be 7 month old whilst I do the ultra marathon I had planned to do before I got pregnant, particularly around breastfeeding etc. I've told him not to be so ridiculous and go off to the festival he usually goes to that weekend and we'll reconsider the ultra logistics in 2020. He was horrified at the thought of leaving me alone with a baby for a whole weekend whilst he went and had a good time. So glad to have an equal place in our relationship. It is 2018 rather than 1918 after all Hmm

Pissedoffdotcom · 14/10/2018 20:48

Larry are you deliberately ignoring the fact that OP works too? As well as parenting 5 days a week without her DH? Does that not fit into your rhetoric enabling you to attempt to beat OP round the head?

OP - works part time. Sole parents 5/7 days a week.

DH - works full time. Away so no chance of night help. Co-parents 2/7 days & the odd sole parenting if OP pursues her hobby.

I bet OP does all the 'wifework' as MNers call it too...

Antigon · 14/10/2018 20:49

I am cringing for your lack of parsing accurately. If there had been a comma between ‘job’ and ‘which’, you might have had a point. There wasn’t. The applauded is clearly still referring to the run (in a negative sense).

Nice try. The implication clearly is that only a PROPER JOB can be 'applauded'. Still cringing for you!

RainbowBriteRules · 14/10/2018 20:50

Last point though. Yes, once you have kids, EVERYTHING is about childcare. Life changes fundamentally. It’s not about you, or your spouse, once you’ve had a child. Not while they are young anyway.

skinnyamericano · 14/10/2018 20:52

Antigon Yes, she does all that during the week, but this was something for herself - not an activity to occupy the DC. It’s different, surely?

Hollow I’m terribly sorry, I missed that part. My point still stands - it’s a lot more stressful getting the children out of the house and looking after them for several hours, than caring for them at home.

OP - I think it’s a brilliant achievement, but I know I would get the same reaction from my DH, as he’d see it as something I’d done for myself. We’d be quits on tiredness levels.

Pissedoffdotcom · 14/10/2018 20:52

RainbowBriteRules that genuinely makes me sad. Parenting requires a lot of sacrifices, but to not even be able to take a few hours a week out without feeling guilty is something i struggle to comprehend. I was a single parent for nearly 5 years - working full time - and despite having time 'off' at work i needed head space away. The idea that i should feel guilty for that is mind boggling.

Like AnotherOriginalUsername after reading this thread i am overjoyed to have a DP who is in touch with the fact that parenting is something both sides engage with

Antigon · 14/10/2018 20:53

Antigon, but she did behave badly. She put the child to bed (badly I’m afraid as the child woke up pretty soon which is common yet she had already got in the bath) then was stroppy with her DH about being tired.

A child can wake up after being put to bed for many reasons, to say OP put her to bed badly is very critical and very wrong.

Are you saying she should have waited to see if dd gets up again? She could have been waiting all night, with sore limbs! Bear in mind this was OP's first half marathon.

larrygrylls · 14/10/2018 20:54

Pissedoff,

There are a lot of assumptions (in both directions) on this thread. Without the OP giving us further info, we have no idea who is taking the greater burden of the earning/childcare in the round, do we?

Why are you assuming the op is 24/7 solo parent. Maybe she has a helpful family? Maybe she has a nanny or the kids go to nursery.

We don’t know whether the husband is staying in a 5 star hotel when he works away or noisy shared accommodation where he is regularly woken up, or on call.

All any of us can do is discuss the info given and, base on that alone, she appears self indulgent. Of course, that may well not be the case in the round.

Antigon · 14/10/2018 20:54

Antigon Yes, she does all that during the week, but this was something for herself - not an activity to occupy the DC. It’s different, surely?

I really don't get your point, skinnyamericano? Is OP not permitted to do anything for herself? I'm not being facetious, I truly don't understand your point.

Pissedoffdotcom · 14/10/2018 20:54

I missed that gem about a child being put to bed badly if they wake up soon after. Christ i must have been an utterly shit parent just on that front with DD...she never bloody went to sleep 😂

AnonaMouse1 · 14/10/2018 20:56

Larry...your name. Why isn't there capital letters (as you are picking up on someone's grammar?

Original poster
Oneandoneontheway · 14/10/2018 20:56

OK, I understand some of the replies about it being a hobby. However, the 'hobby' is not supported by my dh providing childcare. I sort that out. The charity issue is real and a real life issue for my husband and I. He only had half an hour in the rain, thats it. In total he had 3 hours childcare. Don't I deserve down time. Again, all I wanted was a bath. Just a bath!

OP posts:
Antigon · 14/10/2018 20:56

we have no idea who is taking the greater burden of the earning/childcare in the round, do we?

Burden of earning is irrelevant. OP has an equal (if not worse) burden at home.

Great that you're finally asking some questions of the OP though. It seems we're rubbing off on you :)

AnotherOriginalUsername · 14/10/2018 20:57

Parenting is hard, relentless work which is easier with both parents present and I see it as fairly constant until they grow up. Certainly kids age 3 and 1 level no room for hobbies.

Both parents deserve time out though, whether it's going away with mates for a weekend, going running for 2 hours, going to an art class for an hour or just half an hour in the hair dressers. I'd say it's vital for good mental health.

Pissedoffdotcom · 14/10/2018 20:58

OP clearly some of us don't qualify as decent parents because we, shock horror, have a hobby. I mean, how dare we. Call SS quick. Jesus wept.

Next time he moans about how tired he is from work shut him down. Or remind him that you work as well. Do you do the menial shit at home OP?

AnonaMouse1 · 14/10/2018 21:00

Parenting is hard, relentless work which is easier with both parents present and I see it as fairly constant until they grow up. Certainly kids age 3 and 1 level no room for hobbies.

Jeez, it's not that hard!!!

Antigon · 14/10/2018 21:00

I completely agree with you, PissedOff. This thread is equal parts hilarious and tragic.

MarshaBradyo · 14/10/2018 21:01

I bet all these working away is a rest people wouldn’t choose it

Original poster
Oneandoneontheway · 14/10/2018 21:01

Oh the comments about not putting my dd down properly, well that's twaddle, unkind and unhelpful. She's a baby. Wowsers

OP posts:
larrygrylls · 14/10/2018 21:02

Antigon,

This thread is not about you and me but, if you care to read my posts critically and carefully, my beef is with the sanctifying of running as if it were a job to be applauded (no comma again).

None of my posts compare the burden of being a SAHP of small children (which is bloody hard without help) to working out of the home (which is very variable, depending on the job).

skinnyamericano · 14/10/2018 21:04

Antigon I’m not explaining it well. I’m trying to say that of course she can and should have a hobby, and her DH should look after the kids whilst she does that. My point is that it would have been a lot easier and less tiring looking after them at home than taking them to the event.

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