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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've just run a half marathon and im fecking tired

175 replies

Oneandoneontheway · 14/10/2018 18:25

DH brought the kids ds 3 and dd 1. They watched at the finish line with Bil and then we went for food after the run. I'm super tired. We got the train home, then he sorts out dinner for the kids. Smashing, however I equally sort fire out, change dd into pj's and pop to bed. Then go for a bath. Whilst in the bath, dd starts wailing, so I shout to dh to get her. He then rants that he's tired etc and can't I help. Jeez!! I'm in the bath and I've just run 13.1 miles!!!!!!

OP posts:
prettypossums · 14/10/2018 20:29

Well done on the half, op, what time did you get?

I’ve done a few races now and no longer expect DH & the dc to come along, it’s easier for them to stay home or do something else & quite tedious waiting around for a race to finish.

MarshaBradyo · 14/10/2018 20:29

Working away a break Hmm
Who would choose it. I wouldn’t.

Irumning is not that hard work as I’m assuming the op found the day enjoyable.

MarshaBradyo · 14/10/2018 20:30

Running

RainbowBriteRules · 14/10/2018 20:30

I can’t imagine going out once a month for hours with a 16 week old no. And yes, I would assume the quota of child free hours is for childcare. I don’t need a halo, I actually don’t think I’m a very good mum and find parenting very difficult. But I do consider it my job and that I would be skiving off if I went out for something that wasn’t work. Each to their own though.

Pissedoffdotcom · 14/10/2018 20:31

Dunno, doing a day's work then going home for guaranteed peace? Versus practically 24/7 parenting plus employment on top?

Tough one that...

skinnyamericano · 14/10/2018 20:32

I don’t think it’s the parenting for 3 hours that’s so difficult - I’m sure he had no problem with that. However, getting a 3 and 1 year old ready, into the car, finding parking, out of the car, into the pushchair, finding a suitable viewing point in the rain, keeping them happy etc etc is not quite the same as looking after them at home! And all for someone else’s hobby.

If it’s a one-off and a first half marathon (congratulations by the way!) it would be nice for him to make the effort, but it’s not as straightforward as ‘3 hours of chilcare’.

Antigon · 14/10/2018 20:32

I made no such assumption. I have no idea about the exact dynamics of the OP and her husband (hint: nor do you).

You clearly do think she has it easier, as you said upthread her DH should be 'applauded' for working. Why not applaud the OP for managing the family on her 5 days a week? You call her child - free time an 'indulgence'. Truly, the condescension drips from your posts.

MarshaBradyo · 14/10/2018 20:32

Go for it Pissedoff

No way here. Having had great work trips. It’s full on

All the children are in bed reading or asleep by the time dh gets home anyway so not that much different for me

Pissedoffdotcom · 14/10/2018 20:33

RainbowBriteRules does your partner do the same? Or does that particular role fall to you?

I'm a SAHM. If i didn't get my time out to be me i'd go stir crazy. Going to work doesn't quite equal down time. I'm aghast that parents genuinely think leaving their kids for some down time is to be frowned upon

Antigon · 14/10/2018 20:35

I don’t think it’s the parenting for 3 hours that’s so difficult - I’m sure he had no problem with that. However, getting a 3 and 1 year old ready, into the car, finding parking, out of the car, into the pushchair, finding a suitable viewing point in the rain, keeping them happy etc etc is not quite the same as looking after them at home! And all for someone else’s hobby.

But OP does that on her own a few days a week, a lot more than her H? E.g. when she takes dd to nursery, shopping, park etc that could also involve 'getting a 3 and 1 year old ready, into the car, finding parking, out of the car, into the pushchair, finding a suitable viewing point in the rain, keeping them happy etc'. Why is it treated like the Second Coming when H does it?

HollowTalk · 14/10/2018 20:36

@skinnyamericano However, getting a 3 and 1 year old ready, into the car, finding parking, out of the car

RTFT. They got the train. All of them, together.

Pissedoffdotcom · 14/10/2018 20:36

If working away is full on, why isn't working part time PLUS nearly full time (including nights) childcare not full on???

northlaine · 14/10/2018 20:36

Well done & congrats to you OP! YANBU - I know how hard it is & I had to have a sleep after eating all the food last time I did one!

Original poster
Oneandoneontheway · 14/10/2018 20:37

Hello folks!
Another clarification - it's not a hobby, I don't mind running, knocked out a few 10ks before, but nothing more. However on my fil diagnosis last year I decided to push myself to raise some funds - which by the way I have done!
My Dh doesn't cover my training time, he does not have to get involved at all!
But he did today have to look after our ( I repeat our children) for 3hours. I am sure it sucked. Thanks for the replies folks x

OP posts:
RainbowBriteRules · 14/10/2018 20:37

Pissedoff well my kids are older now so it’s not quite the same. When they were OP’s age he didn’t go out to the pub etc much but did go out running loads. Fairly serious runner so we are talking hours and hours of time, frequently after work so right at the shitty end of the day. After many, many discussions as to how unhelpful that was for family time he started getting up earlier and going when we were all still asleep. Plus he never expected me to watch with the DC, mainly because I made it clear from the start that would not be happening.

larrygrylls · 14/10/2018 20:38

Antigon,

Please quote the post where I said the husband’s job should be applauded?

Nope? Didn’t think so...

Pissedoffdotcom · 14/10/2018 20:38

Yes, getting a toddler & a baby from A to B for one morning out of seven is such hard work.

OP are you reading this? In actual fact you deserve more time out...i mean, if getting the children out of the house single handedly deserves such praise you must have some brownie points stacked up surely?

Antigon · 14/10/2018 20:39

It's ok, OP, for some reason the 'running widows' (as they call themselves), can't talk to their DHs but can have a pop at you.

northlaine · 14/10/2018 20:39

I'm going to assume he's never done anything similar - whatever, but don't let this take the shine off what you have achieved!

Pissedoffdotcom · 14/10/2018 20:40

RainbowBriteRules but he did have a hobby that took him away for 'child free' time outside of work? And you didn't think you were allowed, entitled to the same??? I'm genuinely baffled tbh. If DP wasn't ever out & i always was i'd get it...but both parents need a break.

RainbowBriteRules · 14/10/2018 20:42

Antigon, I have never called myself a running widow but I guess I fall into that group you describe. I did and do talk to my DH about it. He changed his behaviour because he is a fundamentally nice person. I also regularly point out the shitty behaviour I see towards spectators / spouses and children at races. Plus some of the great behaviour which also exists.

Antigon · 14/10/2018 20:42

larry

Please quote the post where I said the husband’s job should be applauded?

Nope? Didn’t think so...

Larry, you said:

I like running, have run several 10ks and a half, but I recognise it as an indulgence and not a job which should be applauded.

I'm cringing for you.

Pissedoffdotcom · 14/10/2018 20:43

not a job to be applauded

OP has a job too. Outside the whole parenting thing i mean...

larrygrylls · 14/10/2018 20:44

OP,

Not a hobby? What is it then?

I think it is great you run and enjoy it. Also, I appreciate you are tired. But, surely, your husband could be too?

I suspect he feels that he has spent his entire Sunday supporting you and now us back to work tomorrow. And you are still assuming he is on call.

You both need to give one another a break.

Antigon · 14/10/2018 20:44

Rainbow

Antigon, I have never called myself a running widow but I guess I fall into that group you describe. I did and do talk to my DH about it. He changed his behaviour because he is a fundamentally nice person. I also regularly point out the shitty behaviour I see towards spectators / spouses and children at races. Plus some of the great behaviour which also exists.

Someone used the phrase upthread, may not have been you. It's great that you were able to come to an agreement with your DH, but you must see that OP is displaying none of the shitty behaviour you witnessed at the races? I don't doubt that there are selfish runners, but OP isn't one of them.

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