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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL and FIL have turned up uninvited

340 replies

scrabblechampion · 14/10/2018 10:58

I don’t want them here. DH is out (sport he does every Sunday) there’s washing all over the place, the place is a tip, I’ve got a cold, there’s no food in (DH going to supermarket on the way home) and they’re sat on the sofa in the other room waiting for him.

I let them in so as to not cause a scene and now I’m crying in the bedroom.

I hate it when they do this. I’m in my 30s, I should be able to tell them to get out of my home.

Can’t get hold of DH, he leaves his phone in the car. Have left a message to come straight home and get rid of them.

They KNOW he’s out at this time. They pretended they forgot. I don’t know what they want.

OP posts:
lovetherisingsun · 14/10/2018 12:45

Sweet Jesus, some really nasty people out on MN today, what the hell is wrong with you people? Your own shitty little lives so pathetic and empty you find real glee and joy in being nasty little bitches to someone clearly not well and upset? Fuck off.

OP, I really feel for you. I'm rarely ill but when I am the house house goes to pot, I just can't face anything especially inlaws that deliberately turn up when they know full well their son is out. It's weird behaviour for them to do this, YOUR behaviour is NOT weird, don't listen to the nasty little harpies. It can be so overwhelming when you have to entertain selfish people on top of being ill Flowers

ToadOfSadness · 14/10/2018 12:46

Everyone picking on the OP who just wanted some sympathy as she is unwell and has unwanted visitors, must be a lot of people having a bad day and wanting someone to pick on. All those strong people who never get ill or feel low or insecure bullying one person who is having a bad time, hope you are proud of yourselves.

Poor OP. I hope she has got rid of them and gone to bed.

Glossymare · 14/10/2018 12:48

Love the calist trick - genius!
Hope you’re okay op and the in laws have gone x

diddl · 14/10/2018 12:58

Trouble with the coat trick-sounds as if these ILs would say that they'd wait.

Also-what if it's too warm for a coat??

Willow2017 · 14/10/2018 12:58

Wow what a bitchfest here.

Op is ill, her house is a mess and her dh is out for hours.
Her ils know not to.just rick.up without warning but they did.
They demanded op phone her dp to come home to see them!
Op is scared of them obviously from past experiences which she doesnt need to explain .

But somehow all this is her fault for not running around after 2 rude people who just arrived demanding everything stop for them when she is ill!
It doesnt matter who they are. Her house, she doesnt have to accept being treated like crap by anyone.

You are a woman you must be a hostess no matter how horrid your guests are.
Mn at its worst.

HidingFromMyKids · 14/10/2018 12:59

Please come back OP.
Some of us understand how important it is to have our home as a safe space.
My door has a spy hole so I can choose whether to answer or not.
I like the coat trick

QuickNC123 · 14/10/2018 13:00

The arsey posts are clearly from people who have great in laws and haven’t been burneded with the entitled narcissistic lunatics that some of us have.

They’ve probably done it on purpose. I’m certain they know that you’re annoyed. Anyone in their right mind would leave. OP YANBU. If you’re up to it go grab a coat and shoes and go for a hot chocolat somewhere and leave them there. Don’t even tell them you’re going x

BrokenWing · 14/10/2018 13:02

These are you husbands parents, and you are being extremely rude to them and disrespectful to your dh. I would go nuts if dh treated my family like that.

Hiding in your room crying like a child just because you don't want them there is ridiculous.

Either tell them you are ill and ask them to leave, make small talk till dh returns, tell them you are ill and have no food in and ask them to nip to the supermarket, tell them you need to go back to bed and they are welcome to leave or stay until dh gets back but you don't know when that is (they can phone him if they want to). Whatever suits you, just be polite and insist.

Tell them to let you know in advance before they set off in future to make sure you are free and get dh to enforce the message.

AfterSchoolWorry · 14/10/2018 13:04

Hope they've fucked off now OP. If someone tried to 'pop in' to me, unannounced on a Sunday morning I wouldn't answer the door. Cheeky pigs!

I'm not surprised your DH fucks off out and 'leaves his phone in the car'. He needs to straighten them out.

CoughLaughFart · 14/10/2018 13:09

It doesn't have to be 1932 for people to drop in unannounced. It's 2018 where I live and people do it all the time without being considered rude.

But the OP clearly does find it rude, and given that the thread is about her situation, her view is a damn sight more relevant than what happens in your neighbourhood.

gunge · 14/10/2018 13:15

I get it. I hate anyone turning up unannounced, it's rude. You could be, as you said, unwell. You could be enjoying some much needed alone time.
It's not hard to send a quick message to ask if it's convenient

Fontofnoknowledge · 14/10/2018 13:15

The problem here is that we have no context. The idea of sitting in your room crying because in laws have turned up unannounced is fairly incomprehensible to many of us as this seems to be a very strange reaction- however , your subsequent post where you say you are 'scared' of them makes the situation more understandable from your point of view and quite worrying.

I do not personally have any truck with the need to make appointments to visit - I live in a village where 'popping in' is completely fine. It doesn't mean that everyone is ok with this.

It's entirely possible that the OP is over reacting OR being rightly upset based on her history with her in laws.

We will never know as she hasn't told us.

DooDaisy · 14/10/2018 13:18

Give them some jobs to do

Jux · 14/10/2018 13:19

They're flexing their nasty little muscles.

Next time, either say you're ill and you don't want to infect them, shut the door. Or if they come in, go straight to the sofa and flop (so they can't use it) and say "thank goodness you're here, I am desperate for a cuppa but don't feel strong enough to make it. And the washing needs to be folded, and I

Rarotonga · 14/10/2018 13:20

You have my sympathy OP, I would hate this. Hope they have got the hint now. Feel better soon.

bubbles108 · 14/10/2018 13:20

Absolutely @Fontofnoknowledge

BUT - I would not open the door to someone I was scared of

And as I said, a closed locked door does not react to the 'scene' the PIL were apparently going to make if the door wasn't opened to them.

But maybe there is more to this and maybe my snowflake comment was unfair

If so, I apologise in advance

CottonSock · 14/10/2018 13:21

You poor thing and such nasty comments. I cry at anything when poorly. I'd probably pretend to be asleep, or say I need a nap

ohfourfoxache · 14/10/2018 13:21

Bloody hell you poor thing Shock

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but perhaps next time you could not answer the door?

JuliaJaynes9 · 14/10/2018 13:25

*go straight to the sofa and flop (so they can't use it) and say "thank goodness you're here, I am desperate for a cuppa but don't feel strong enough to make it. And the washing needs to be folded, and I

grannyscobwebs · 14/10/2018 13:32

So confused by pp's saying there are lots of bitchy posts?!
Where?
Maybe disagreeing posts or people not understanding as OP didn't give much detail.

Sometimes, encouraging someone to feel more sorry for themselves than they already do- isn't helpful.

If the IL's are particularly dangerous- call the police. Otherwise, be the bigger person, put the kettle on and ask your OH to have a word to enforce your boundaries.

sconebonjovi · 14/10/2018 13:40

Posting incase you come back and read op. Just wanted to let you know, I hear you. It's not totally irrational, you're not weird it horrible, it's just a reaction that lots of people don't understand. It's hard, but it's ok to feel like this. I'd feel like you, and on a bad day I'd stay in my room and cry. If I could bring myself to breezily make them a cuppa before making my excuses, I'd do that. I hope your day has improved x

Nanny0gg · 14/10/2018 13:42

Again, for the hard of understanding, this is not an in-law bashing thread. Nor is it one about hospitality. Nor is it about your family, what you would do or that the OP's husband should divorce her because she's been 'rude' to his family.

Her DH does a sport EVERY Sunday. Do his parents not know this? They live a distance away. Should they not check that anyone would be home or whether they had plans for later?

If the OP hadn't let them in she was worried there'd be a scene. That surely means that there is not a normal relationship going on here.

It's entirely possible that the OP is over reacting OR being rightly upset based on her history with her in laws. We will never know as she hasn't told us.

So why jump on her when we don't know the full story? Why assume it's the OP's fault?

TechnicalSergeantGarp · 14/10/2018 13:42

Hope you feel better soon op.

Hate pop in visits and don't open the door to people that turn up without prior arrangements.

Wearywithteens · 14/10/2018 13:43

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

PlugUgly1980 · 14/10/2018 13:47

OP I'm completely with you...it's taken 5 years but my ILs have finally got the message I don't appreciate anyone just popping in, especially when I'm on my own. I'm very introvert, and hate having to make small take and having people in my home. Mine use to constantly phone when I was on mat leave, so I'd ignore it, then they'd ring my mobile, then they'd ring DH to find out where I was, or they'd "just be passing" even though we're not en route. I don't particularly dislike them as people and we do see them often, but I dislike the constant intrusion. DH had words with them and they've backed off and realised they need to live their own life rather than constantly being in ours.

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