In thinking having more than 5 sexual partners doesn't make you a raging whore bag?

[fifithefoof]

Following on from the last thread .....

Fuck me. At what point do we give up?

@SilentIsla have you read the thread??????????!

But the agreement to be in a monoagmous relationship is of no real significance unless the physical act of intimacy (in any of its forms not just sex) means something

THAT IS YOUR OPINION NOT FACT

Why promote it that way

What am I promoting? It isn’t a rallying cry to convert people to my cause, it’s simple a statement of how my feelings work.

In other words why would you make or break a relationship around something which objectively means nothing to you?

By its very nature, having sex IS being intimate. To deny that, indicates you are blocking the reality.

Of course I have read the thread. Oh - and there is nothing whatsoever wrong with my comprehension skills, either.

I started to date mr Ff.

We dated a few weeks. Kissed. Snogged. Watched DVDS. Went for drinks and dinner and to the cinema. Out for walks. We even shagged.

After a few weeks we had a chat and decided we would be monogamous together. And not see anyone else.

Because I think he’s rather special and he thinks I am too.

Who he snogged shagged or anything else with before that point of that conversation is irrelevant and of no interest to me. Because we weren’t in a relarionship until then.

I went to see him last night. We snogged. Ate dinner. Sat on the sofa and watched tv. Went to bed and sex didn’t happen. Because he has issues.

If he was a sex only fwb I’d have turned up, shagged, and if he couldn’t get it up I’d have gone home.

Because he’s my boyfriend and I love and care for him and he and me is so so much more than just sex, we cuddled in bed, touched and were incredibly intimate without sex.

The fact you can’t see the difference, Lornar123, is very much your loss.

By its very nature, having sex IS being intimate. To deny that, indicates you are blocking the reality

The biological act is intimate, that doesn't have to extrapolate out to coming with any sort of romantic or loving feelings.

In other words why would you make or break a relationship around something which objectively means nothing to you

Please see repeated previous posts.

Of course I have read the thread. Oh - and there is nothing whatsoever wrong with my comprehension skills, either

Meh you say "nothing wrong" I say sockpuppet there's some question surrounding that

Fifi just answer the question. Is the physical act of intimacy objective (you see your husband do something intimate with another women, it hurts you). Or is it subjective, it only means something if he decides it does ? Which is it?

Or is it subjective, it only means something if he decides it does

Why is "he" calling the shots? Internalised misogyny at play again? Or are you STILL referring back to your cheating ex.

I'm genuinely starting to wonder whether - given your rabid obsession with the "rules" surrounding relationships - your guilt is at play and you were the one who was unfaithful.

Swap he for she if you like Jacques. What business have you getting upset about a physical act between two adults when you acknowledge that physical act is meaningless ? This is the crux of the whole discussion.

Physical acts are attributed significance on the context of the relationship and circumstance, and the expectations you have of the other person.

Sex with a FWB isn't dependant on or an allusion to love. They become intimate acts that importance is placed upon when you agree with a partner that you are in a monogamous relationship, and it's the breach of that monogamy that causes the hurt.

Keep in mind that there are people out there in long term agreed open relationships, people who have threesomes and all sorts with their willing partner. I don't assume they love their partner any less than I do mine. They clearly view sex differently but that doesn't make them wrong.

Sex with a FWB isn't dependant on or an allusion to love. They become intimate acts that importance is placed upon when you agree with a partner that you are in a monogamous relationship, and it's the breach of that monogamy that causes the hurt.

So you're telling me that it would only cause you hurt after words are exchanged before hand to establish an understanding?

You can't really believe all this.

I would care after the point at which we had agreed to be monogamous.

Before that it’s not relevant.

What business have you getting upset about a physical act between two adults when you acknowledge that physical act is meaningless ? This is the crux of the whole discussion

Please see previous, repeated comments.

But you're missing the crux of the conversation. It is way more simple than that.

YOU place a great link between love and sex. That is 100% fine.
I don't place a great link between love and sex. That is 100% fine.

Are you seriously of the opinion that your way is right, or maybe, just maybe, do you mean "right for you"?

I see a lot of angst and distress regarding the ending of your relationship - you used the word "heartbreak".

When my 14 year relationship (of which 9 years were married) broke down there was no angst, no heartbreak. There was a healthy regret that it hadn't worked out and for what might have been, but we remain close friends and co-parent really successfully.

He has gone on to marry again, I haven't had a relationship since the marriage ended.

We are both really happy with our choices.

Yes I do. It’s the words that make the commitment that make the difference.

I was heartbroken when my marriage ended.

He shagged an ow during our marriage.

I stood by my vows.

Words and commitment matter to me.

Why would you demN that certain particular acts are only to be undertaken with you ? When you place no significance in those acts ? You do them with people you love and people you don't love. Why base a relationship around the exclusivity if an act that means nothing ?

Lornar.

Following your logic, marriage vows mean nothing, so why were you heartbroken when your ex cheated?

lornar123 it doesn't have to be a conversation, plenty of the switches from casually seeing each other to being in a committed relationship have been gradual and lacked a sit down chat.

With a man I am not in a monogamous relationship, I have absolutely no care what he does when not with me in terms of sex.

I have no care how many people ANY of my sexual partners had before I came on the scene .

If you feel differently that's fine. I'm a big enough girl to understand that not everyone always agrees and a big enough person not to insist my way of thinking MUST be right.

Why base a relationship around the exclusivity if an act that means nothing

Because I don't build a relationship solely around sex. I don't know any other adults who do to be honest.

Lornar.

Read my description of last night with Mr FF.

That’s a relarionship. It’s much more than sex. Sex is a part of it, but only a part. There are far more intimate things to do than sex.

He cared for me. When I was ill. Bathed me. Washed my hair. Carried me. Literally and figuratively. He knows my deepest fear and insecurities and supports me without question. He is my biggest fan and he lets the world know it. That is far far more intimate than the physical act of sex.

^I would care after the point at which we had agreed to be monogamous.

Before that it’s not relevant.^

So, youre telling me that your husband could indulge any act of intimacy you can think of with another womam, not just sex incase I am accused of being obsessive, and it would have had no emotional effect on you. Until that is, you communicated to him that you did not expect him to express himself that way, at which point although he still wanted to, he wouldn't because he arbitrarily agreed not to.

You see how abstract and silly this sounds just to avoid ceding ground.

No because that’s how society the world over works. That’s why we have marriage ceremonies.