In thinking having more than 5 sexual partners doesn't make you a raging whore bag?

[fifithefoof]

Following on from the last thread .....

And for the love of the wee man would you actually listen to what I’ve written and stop referring to me having a husband.

It is RUDE AS FUCK.

MY HUSBAND raped me day and daily for years and for you keeping saying I have a husband is triggering and minimising and rude as actual fuck.

Lorna, I am in the ‘sex means something’ Camp but ive also had lots of ONS

I would not expect my OH to have a ONS or relationship with anyone else because the connection we have is so beautiful I would think that is all he needs, if it’s not, then we have a problem

It’s not that he would find another woman attractive enough to sleep with her or enjoy doing it, I can think of men I find attractive and would enjoy sleeping with but the act would Pail in comparison to the unbelievable time we have together. If he shagged someone, not only would it be a safety worry, it would also mean that connection wasn’t shared by him.

So that would be the issue

@lornar123

Ok.

So are you saying:

A: we're (for some bizarre reason) lying?

B: we're not lying but confused and wrong about how we actually feel?

Following your logic, marriage vows mean nothing, so why were you heartbroken when your ex cheated?

Marriage vows do mean nothing really. What matters is that my significant other does not engage in intimate acts (whatever you consider those to be) with other people. That's the bond. If physical intimacy means nothing to you, why engage in such a bond ? It would be silly.

So, youre telling me that your husband could indulge any act of intimacy you can think of with another womam, not just sex incase I am accused of being obsessive, and it would have had no emotional effect on you. Until that is, you communicated to him that you did not expect him to express himself that way, at which point although he still wanted to, he wouldn't because he arbitrarily agreed not to

That's how relationships usually work. You casually see each other, then decide you want to be exclusive and you are.

Would it upset me before we were exclusive that a casual partner was intimate with other women? No

Would it upset me if a partner was intimate with other women AFTER we were exclusive? You know what? I'd rather an exclusive partner fucked someone else than had an emotional affair to be honest.

Please read previous posts about what relationships mean to different people.

That's the bond. If physical intimacy means nothing to you, why engage in such a bond

Because physical intimacy is the least important way to be intimate with a partner to me. WIth a partner all the other ways to be intimate are MUCH more important.

With a FWB/fuck buddy etc the ONLY way we are intimate is by fucking. There's no wider meaning to be gleaned, it is a simple act done for the sake of the act itself.

I agree, I would be just as upset if DH said he had met his ‘best friend’ As that’s me.

Also marriage is good for financial security and little else

ftfoawygtfosm I'm genuinely very sorry for my carelessness in that regard. Apologies.

No because that’s how society the world over works. That’s why we have marriage ceremonies

I think that's a fair point. It is still very much a societal construct that you get married or at the very least have a long term relationship.

I hold my hands up and say looking back I got married because it was what was expected rather than because we desperately wanted the marriage. I would have been equally happy just in a relationship, whereas marriage was very important to my ex-H.

But Jacques i find your argument illogical. Let's say he did everything that you demN significant in what you call a relationship with you. The only thing he also does with other women is snog the face off them and shag them. Why would you be prepared to end an otherwise perfect relationship over an act you deem insignificant ? Can you understand why I would have trouble following you here ?

I'd be really hoping a person would be clear on whether they are in a monogamous / open / polygamous [delete as required] relationship before they were married.

You're missing the point, if I am in a monogamous relationship with my partner it's because I want to be. Same for him. Not because I've made him agree to something he doesn't want.

You aren't answering my question Lornar. Are we lying or just silly and confused?

And as to this Marriage vows do mean nothing really. What matters is that my significant other does not engage in intimate acts (whatever you consider those to be) with other people. That's the bond. If physical intimacy means nothing to you, why engage in such a bond ? It would be silly.

In YOUR opinion. My marriage vows mean absolutely EVERYTHING to me.

But Jacques i find your argument illogical

I’ve explained countless times. Please do re-read rather than rehashing the same question.

whether they are in a monogamous / open / polygamous [delete as required] relationship before they were married.

You are either missing or failing to engage with the point. Why would you care about exclusive intimacy when intimacy is not how you express love?

And did, perhaps you could try and answer it instead of tone policing.

Why would you be prepared to end an otherwise perfect relationship over an act you deem insignificant

I don’t know that I would. To be honest it’s not something that I’ve thought much about because it’s never going to be relevant.

Ok Fifi, if words are more important to you that physical intimacy that's your call. I'm not like that.

Who here has said intimacy is not how they express love?

You can express love in MILLIONS of different ways other than having intimacy.

You can have intimacy without being in love.

don’t know that I would. To be honest it’s not something that I’ve thought much about because it’s never going to be relevant

I would be surprised if many men would willingly engage in an ltd with someone who did not express love through physical intimacy tbh.

I would be surprised if many men would willingly engage in an ltd with someone who did not express love through physical intimacy tbh

That’s a non-sequitur. It isn’t relevant because I’m not interested in exclusive or long term relationships. That’s not ever going to happen.

All power to your elbow, m'dears, and glad you are having fun! It's not my experience but why on earth would I have an opinion on the 'acceptable' number of sexual partners for someone else?

Mostly I'm surprised that people can be arsed going through it all.

I'd sort of assumed if anything happened to Himself, or we split up (been together since 17 with one 8 month breakup, 30-odd years now) I couldn't be faffed dealing with someone new getting to know my broken down old bod, being embarrassed about stretch mark and snoring and all that malarkey. I'd just invest in plenty of batteries.

But then, I've never dated as an adult, just secondary school disco snogs at 16, so it's foreign terrain.

Fifi your argument is circular. If you don't express love through physical intimacy it is not reasonable nto be upset if your husband is physically intimate with someone else. It's this and some abstract promise that people object to.

Intimacy isn't limited to sex though - there are many different ways that I am intimate with my partner and whilst sex might be a way that you express love it's also the way that others enact a mutual sexual attraction that is not connected to love.

I think you're really struggling to see the disconnect between the two here.

Ok Fifi, if words are more important to you that physical intimacy that's your call. I'm not like that

So it’s just me who is absolutely wrong and lying?
Why isn’t it “my call”?

When did I say my wedding vows meant MORE than physical intimacy?!

You're actually just making shit up now. Pathetic.

Sex and all other physical intimacy with my DH are incredibly important.

'Just words' for us when we married were beautiful and bonding. We wrote our own vows, read them to each other on a beach and cried. The man who married us and our two witnesses also cried. It's the most beautiful memory I have (next to ds being born obviously).