In thinking having more than 5 sexual partners doesn't make you a raging whore bag?

[fifithefoof]

Following on from the last thread .....

Dionne you wont answer. Why would you be bothered about your husband engaging in an intimate act with someone he did not love ? Since those acts are no signifier of those things in your view ?

So eg would you give him an affectionate kiss when you are out ? Or would you only kiss him as a precursor to sex ?

There must be some different to the way you physically interact with the man versus someone you love ?

Why would you be bothered about your husband engaging in an intimate act with someone he did not love?
I'm not. I had sex with people I didn't love. He had sex with people he didn't love. Neither of us are so controlling to be bothered about the sex the other person had before we met.

You can not control someone's past actions. You can not control someone's thoughts.

If this is what you expect or need in a relationship you'll find it hard to have one for any length of time.

So is there anything you only do with people you love, or is it all the same

To me, love in the sense of a relationship is about so much more than sex. Companionship, support, without sounding too wanky the giving of part of yourself to someone else.

Sex and love aren’t connected for me.

You understand it enough to know that you wouldn't want your partner kissing someone because that signifies something, but at the same time you think it means nothing

If you have agreed on the monogamy, the act is a betrayal NOT because of what the act represents but because it goes against the agreement that you are in a monogamous relationship.

You see why people would be confused?

Well no, honestly. It has been explained countless times.

Funnily nobody else seems confused.

I was reading through to catch up and was going to post almost identical answers to the ones which @JacquesHammer posted.

You understand it enough to know that you wouldn't want your partner kissing someone because that signifies something, but at the same time you think it means nothing

No... @lornar123 you are projecting YOUR feelings into the situation and ASSUMING you know both how we feel and why.

I wouldn't want a partner of mine kissing or having sex with someone else,specifically because he is my partner we have made a monogomous commitment to one another and therefore the kiss or sex is a breaking of that agreement and a betrayal of trust.

My FWB and/or my fuck buddy however I do not give 2 shits if they kiss or have sex with anyone else, because we are not committed and I would not expect them to care if I were to do the same.

So is there anything you only do with people you love, or is it all the same

most of the time it's the same. with my current FWB we are really good friends and have been for a very long time. We don't kiss because the first time we did we got the giggles because it was too 'cutesy' a thing for us mates to be doing and felt a bit weird. but the sex? oh god the sex! soooo good.

@JacquesHammer

also hello btw not sure I've been 'in league' with you on a thread so much since my Jack the Ripper one

soupforbrains

Hello again

I always notice your name around because it makes me smile, good to talk again though!

So is there anything you only do with people you love,
Live with them. Share my life with them. Love them. Plan a future with them.

Live with them. Share my life with them. Love them. Plan a future with them

YY.

For me I also had a child with them which is definitely not happening again!

Your position is untenable and I think you must realise it. The reason people do not like their partners being intimate (and intimacy can take many forms not just sex) must be because that act means something. If there is objectively no difference between your physical interactions with people you love and people you do do not love, then you have no reason to be cross at your partner being intimate with someone else. This idea that it's like oh well they tacitly agreed not to have ice cream with that person while they regularly have ice cream with me and I'm a bit cross about it - is so different to the hurt people feel when their partners are intimate with other people. If you cannot understand this position you must at least admit that it is both consistent and logical which your argument is not.

Fwb is just a silly neologism. The only difference between friends and lovers is the intimacy. Some people have rather a problem with the word, perhaps for their own reasons. There is nothing else common between couples in a relationship other than that they (probably) have regular sex . Nothing. So it is not possible to differentiate the relationship on any other grounds. It's as old as the hills.

How dare you @lornar123 ?

You keep telling people they're either lying or stupidly confused.

Wow. You really persuaded with your reasoned and logical response there fifi.

So just to clarify Lornar123, you’ve repeatedly suggested that people have called you odd or wrong when they haven’t. You’ve taken exception to being called odd and wrong, even though you haven’t.

But it’s perfextly acceptable to tell other people they’re wrong.

Fuck me arrogance is an ugly trait. I’m starting to have sympathy with your ex to be honest.

Lornar123 if they only way you see intimacy is through sex I really pity you.

Lornar can you not see how untenable your position is? You need to be in love before you have sex. That's fine. You have also stated that the sex needs to be at least as good as it was with your cheating Ex.

What if you fall in love and your new partner is not as good in bed as your Ex?

Again you have utterly failed to explain why if there is no objective difference between your interactions with someone you love versus someone you do not love, you would be hurt at a partner interacting that way with another woman. The act isnsubjective and he gets to decide what it means. That is your argument.

Instead you resort to personal attacks.

But it's impossible to have bad sex if you're in love so that obviously couldn't happen.

--Someone's in for a nasty shock.

Don't you think with all this 'best sex evvvvvver, best girlfriend evvvvvver, best boyfriend evvvver' bullshit you're putting ridiculously high and possibly unobtainable expectations on a relationship before it's even got off of the groin?

A large amount of people will run a mile seeing this attitude. It's pretty off putting.

Again you have utterly failed to explain why if there is no objective difference between your interactions with someone you love versus someone you do not love, you would be hurt at a partner interacting that way with another woman. The act isnsubjective and he gets to decide what it means. That is your argument

I have literally explained at length. As has Dione.

If your basic comprehension skills are that poor, it’s possibly not the forum for you.

No @lornar123 the person who has consistently tried to shame people on this thread you.

Not to mention telling people they're lying and wrong.

Another forum I'm on has a banging a head on a wall emoji. Just saying.....

Sorry Jacques you did not explain why the physical act of intimacy is both objective (i saw him kiss someone else and it hurt) and subjective (kissing someone else only means something if he decides it does)

Instead you have attempted to equate exclusive physical intimacy with getting a mortgage as if people care about bother the same, maybe you do.

Here you go as reading obviously isn’t your forte.

To me, love in the sense of a relationship is about so much more than sex. Companionship, support, without sounding too wanky the giving of part of yourself to someone else

Sex and love aren’t connected for me

If you have agreed on the monogamy, the act is a betrayal NOT because of what the act represents but because it goes against the agreement that you are in a monogamous relationship

Please do show me where I discussed a mortgage? I discussed having a child. You do know the difference right?

You do know you can’t tell me how I feel about things? Just as I can’t tell you how you feel.

Do you understand how opinion works?

But the agreement to be in a monoagmous relationship is of no real significance unless the physical act of intimacy (in any of its forms not just sex) means something. Why promote it that way ?

There is nothing wrong with lorner123’s comprehension skills. Saying so just to cause mischief is poor form.