In thinking having more than 5 sexual partners doesn't make you a raging whore bag?

[fifithefoof]

Following on from the last thread .....

^Don't believe you sorry. If your husband said x was much better at sex than you, but I still want to have sex with you, you wouldn't care

It isn’t for you to believe or not. How supremely arrogant.

But no. I have no clue whether my FWB thinks I’m the best or not. Don’t care. It’s good sex^

And he doesn’t mind. Because he knows I’m choosing to be with him and that’s all that matters to him.

I also know that one particular sexual experience of his is the best one off sex he ever had. And I am not one bit bothered.

Nothing like what I was saying?

See my post above.

The thing is Lornar123, you want to tie yourself in knots trying to prove that we’re wrong or lying.

The thing is, looking back at your posts you might suggest you don’t believe us, or that we’re wrong. But i don’t think it’s making you any happier about your situation.

Doesn’t that suggest to you that different people manage all aspects of their life in different ways. That what works for one doesn’t work for another?

It shouldn’t be that startling a concept but you seem unwilling to accept.

Just for clarity sake. I don’t care WHAT my partners did before they were with me. I don’t care if they had the best sex of their life. I care that as a couple we have mutually satisfying sex.

End of story.

You don’t get the difference in those statements, which explains a lot.

Again, I don’t care what sex my boyfriend had before me. I don’t care if he swung off the chandeliers every night. I only care that the sex me and him have with each other is satisfying us both.

X post with Jacques.

Jacques appears to be saying that if your partner finds out subtly, or in a nuanced way that Phil from accounts is a better ride, they ought to be fine with it.

Jacques appears to be saying that if your partner finds out subtly, or in a nuanced way that Phil from accounts is a better ride, they ought to be fine with it

Ok. You say “finds out” like it’s some secret topic.

I have had open discussions with partners.

You still seem unable to distinguish the differences of language so, I can only assume you’re deliberately obtuse or just not able.

Coming back to the OP, I do think there is some arrogance and superiority in the way some women judge others.

Arrogance because they believe their way is right. Superiority because they equate chasteness with moral fibre.

I believe only that what I do is right for me.

But you know, if I was as unhappy as you in your personal life Lornar123, I think I would spend more time really improving my own self-worth and lessensing my insecurities rather than desperately trying to prove someone on the Internet is wrong.

I'm not actually that unhappy at all Jacques but thanks for your concern. I'll be just fine.

I'm not actually that unhappy at all Jacques but thanks for your concern. I'll be just fine

Good to know. I hope you find what you’re looking for.

I’ve had it come up in conversation with my current boyfriend, for example. It’s not like I ever asked “what was the best sex you ever had” or “was your ex wife a better shag than me” or “mr x who I used to date was a better shag than you”.
First off, a relationship isn’t only about being the best sex ever. It is about the person in the whole and what they bring to you and you to them.

Secondly, best sex can’t be viewed without that first point. If you’re in a relationship.

I had the best sex if my life in a shitty relationship. I certainly wouldn’t be with someone with whom the sex was awful, but as long as what I’m getting is good then that’s what I’m looking for.

Lust and love are two different things. List might make great sex but love makes a great relationship.

*lust

How can anonymous people on a forum judge the happiness of other posters?

Or presume to do so?

How can anonymous people on a forum judge the happiness of other posters?

Because the poster in question clearly said on the other thread how unhappy she had been in her relationship.

Or presume to do so?

You mean like anonymous people on a forum presuming to tell people they’re lying?

Lorna, I do think you are setting yourself up for a fall here if you don’t learn to adjust a bit from this black and white thinking. Let’s say you meet the love of your life in the next year or so. Chances are he’s going to be at least 30 years old. He is either going to have slept with quite a few people, or he’s going to have had quite a lot of sex with a few people within LTRs. You are never really going to know if you are "the best" he’s ever had in terms of earth-shattering sex. If he’s the one for you, then he’ll understand your personality well enough to tell you that you are because he loves you. It’s naive to think you "know" that the sex is going to be really good in advance.

When I met my husband at around the same age, initially the sex was… fine. We both came every time but it wasn’t earth-shattering and I was disappointed because we absolutely fancied the pants off each other and were a perfect match intellectually, humour, looks (yes, I agree they are important)… but actually I think we both wanted it to be "perfect" so much that we were possibly trying a bit too hard (in a way you don’t bother with a fling which can be a good thing). After a month or so it all clicked and then some, and I’ve never looked back nearly a decade later. If we sat and thought about it could we say in all honesty that we didn’t have a sexual experience with someone else that still stands out? Probably not, but it honestly only matters if you let it. I wouldn’t ask as I wouldn’t want to torture myself and actually there would be no point as he’d never tell me if that were the case anyway.

There will be some things about your ex which were perhaps a bit "better" in all areas of life, and the same will go for him. You will drive yourself mad if you even begin to go there and waste precious time worrying about it when you should be making the most of each other. You are not the most special woman in the world, you are not the most beautiful or the most sexually skilled, the funniest, nicest, most intelligent... The right man for you will make you feel that way and you should take care of his feelings and make him feel that way too, because it’s never going to be perfect but if you let go of all that shit it could be as near as much.

Well that poster is judging everyone else and calling them liars to be fair.

I think the only thing that makes someone a raging whorebag is sleeping with people behind their partner's back. How many people you've slept with while single is irrelevant

I wouldn’t ask as I wouldn’t want to torture myself and

I agree with what you are saying and the above is key. Where I am confused is by posters who would not be tortured, like they would just be I guess indifferent. Being indifferent about your partner having better sexual experiences is odd to me. I don't torture myself thinking about these things either, but if I knew that they had had better sex in their opinion, particularly if I knew that person (Phil from accounts) then I would be hurt. Like I say indifference about such a revelation is decidedly odd to me.

But can you accept that some people feel differently to you ?

But this is the point Like I say indifference about such a revelation is decidedly odd to me

Why are you confused that other people act differently? I guess you’re judging others by your own standards, but surely it’s not difficult to just accept other people feel differently about things

And of course I want to be the most special woman in the world to my partner at least.

But you can be the most special woman in the world to them without being the best sex they ever had. The one does not preclude the other.

I can accept them Jacques, I can't understand them though.

Well, I don’t understand why you care so much. It makes no sense to me.

Indifference. and love are polar opposites