In thinking having more than 5 sexual partners doesn't make you a raging whore bag?

[fifithefoof]

Following on from the last thread .....

@JellyBaby666

@DioneTheDiabolist is saying that as @lornar123 has said considerably throughout two threads now that sex with 'too many' people is grim, sad, disgusting, icky.

JellyBaby666, I too think that lornar can have as much sex as she consents to. She however seems to have an issue with people having had sex in the past.

Well Dionne I will admit that it does worry me that no one will measure up to my ex and that I will always hanker after those experiences. If I meet a man and we have sex and it's not that great I would move on. But in my experience the sexual connection is there in the first place and so you kind of know the sex will be good. You don't have to shag ugly men to find out if they just happened to be good in bed

So you only have sex with stunningly handsome men?

Are you drop dead gorgeous yourself?

How shallow.

What the fuck?  What a totally unpleasant way to think!

It’s what is between their ears that makes someone attractive to me. Not what’s between their legs. Or indeed how not ugly they are.

It's their personality. The kind of person they are. If they make me laugh.

Not do they have a six pack and a chiselled jaw.

How many times are you going to move on? At what point are you going to think that your number of partners is too high?

You don't have to shag ugly men to find out if they just happened to be good in bed
Er, what now?

I don't understand why some posters are objecting to a second thread on the subject. Why don't you read something else?
Nobody is boasting. It's just women talking to other women about their lives. I love MN because it's an anonymous forum where we can talk openly to a massive cross section of the population and why shouldn't we? The opportunities to do this in real life don't exist for me.
Fifi started the original thread for reassurance and actually it's been good to know there are hundreds of us with similar stories.
To all the (recurring, disingenuous, sphincter-mouthed) posters claiming "that's icky and disgusting and I bet you don't go around in real life shouting about how many people you've had sex with!!", of course we bloody don't.
Some face to face conversations are to be shared with close friends only.
Similarly I don't go around telling the cashiers in Sainsburys' that my ovaries are throbbing or I'm constipated because my anal abscess is playing up. Most of us have social skills you know.
Everybody has the right to a private life and people are infinitely variable in what they want out of life so let them get on with it. No need for judgement on something that has absolutely no impact on you whatsoever.
And Dionne

lornar123
Our sexual appetites evolve over time, in greater part down to our past experiences of sex. So what if someone knows what they like because they tried it before with someone else? As long as it's consensual it's fine.
I don't believe it is a static thing - nothing about people is - and it's natural for people to have a past, but that aspect seems to really bother you.
I can honestly say I've never been remotely interested in knowing DH's sexual past, it's about living in the present.
The past is obviously gone, although it makes us who we are so it has a role to play, however I think you are affording it far too much importance.
I also think it's a bloody high and unfair bar to set for someone, that they are only worthy of you if they come hermetically sealed in bubble wrap.

That’s interesting because I couldn’t have sex with a man I didn’t find physically ( very ) attractive. It wouldn’t matter how funny or kind they were, if they were unattractive they’d just be a friend.

@lornar123 will you demand to know if you were 'the best'?

Because if somebody asked me that I'd be sloooowly backing away and think they had some issues I don't know if I could be bothered to deal with.

And really, some of the best sex I've had is with men that weren't stunners.

The best sex I ever had was with an ex who wasn’t the most physically attractive but he was the most intelligent man I have ever met and he made me feel like I was floating like I was doubly alive just being around him.

Nothing to do with looks.

@ftfoawygtfosm Yes! My ex was insanely intelligent and the funniest person I've ever met by a mile. Amazing sex. And he looked like he'd gone down 5 stories face first.

Attraction can be deeper than simply looks. Well for me anyway.

You could be waiting around quite a while if you're waiting for a gorgeous virgin who won't mind you demanding to know his every thought. 

fifithefoof

'And he looked like he'd gone down 5 stories face first.'

Cheers Threewheeler1.

Of course I wouldn't ask them these questions, I suppose i like to think highly of myself ...maybe I'm deluded and like fifis lovers I am neither particularly good looking to them nor good in the sack and they are with me because of my sparkling repartee.

It's very interesting having these conversations with other people in this format, maybe I am just over precious about the whole thing. Most women find if "disrespectful" if their partners eye up or openly exclaim attraction to other women. Now, we can all agree that such behaviour is nasty, but I suppose maybe we disagree on why. To me it's because it is saying you are nothing special see how many other women I would shag given half the chance. It's goal is to make you insecure. It's easy to sit here and say you should brush it off and it shouldn't bother you, but it does bother I would say most women. And I don't think the fact it does says they are shallow or immature, it's natural.

But having had a sexual experience in the past is totally different to eyeing up someone else in the here and now.

Are you on glue?

@lornar123 why do you need so much to be special? Especially in the context of a man and a relationship.
You seem to come back to this need regardless of which argument you are using.
Sex/a man is not what makes you special.

RebelRogue

If that were true, things like Viagra would not exist. People would just accept that sex had likely come to an end and that that was fine because it doesn't make you or your relationship special. Except it's not like that is it ? Especially to men.

ftfoawygtfosm

I suppose i place a fair bit of value in sexual attraction. I would not like to think of myself as less sexy to my partner than his exes, I would question what it was I lacked etc, again you might say insecure but I think normal. And eyeing up another person in a relationship is like saying I might like to have sex with them, whereas what you have said is to me even more hurtful, that is I've already had sex with that ex and it was better than it is with you !

People would just accept that sex had likely come to an end and that that was fine because it doesn't make you or your relationship special. Except it's not like that is it ? Especially to men

Some people DO accept that.

Either way a decision to not have sex is vastly different to not being able to.

And eyeing up another person in a relationship is like saying I might like to have sex with them

And many people in a committed relationship are capable of finding someone attractive and not shagging them.

I know I’m special to my boyfriend. Sex doesn’t always happen. Sometimes he has to have viagra/cialis. The lack of PIV sex is not related to how special I am to him.

You’re definitely insecure. I don’t eye up other people now, today, in the here and now. I am still able to say that I had the best sex of my life purely from a sex POV with my ex. (The ugly unattractive one, as it happens.).

I can look at someone and objectively appreciate they are beautiful like a piece of art is beautiful. That doesn’t mean I want to have sex with them.

My DS has a friend. He is built like a Greek god and is beautiful in the same way I would look at a painting or a piece of photographic art and say it’s beautiful. I’m not sexually attracted to him in the slightest. But he’s a beautiful specimen.

Your DS’s friend? Isn’t even thinking of him in that way a bit strange?

You make him sound like a butterfly.



Ds's little butterfly friends.