In thinking having more than 5 sexual partners doesn't make you a raging whore bag?

[fifithefoof]

Following on from the last thread .....

Some posters come across as being very defensive about having slept with few people, and then get rage-judgey.

Honestly, it doesn’t matter. That’s the point of the thread. For those who want to have loads of experiences, fantastic. For those who have only ever had sex with their childhood sweetheart, also fantastic.

Plus, ‘whore bag’ reminds me of Kath and Kim in which Kim considers it the highest compliment

Of course I find it strange when other adults do not display what I consider the most basic of emotions. I would find it equally strange if someone did not experience empathy, heartbreak is such a common thing that I did actually used to think everyone felt it.

If sex is important, important for what ? It's how humans pair bond I suppose, you would at least acknowledge that that is the context in which most adults want sex ? If shagging randos is so great, just go and do it.

Dionne you are just refusing to engage with any of my points, maybe you could try saying why you don't experience jealousy envy or heartbreak instead of suggesting those who do are simply immature.

If sex is important, important for what ? It's how humans pair bond I suppose, you would at least acknowledge that that is the context in which most adults want sex ? If shagging randos is so great, just go and do it

You mean the point I’ve made repeatedly which makes your comment to Dione all the more ironic.

I don’t need or want an emotional bond. Sex is important to ME for the act of sex itself.

This is just shut nonsense. These things are never discussed exactly because they are hurtful, if you truly held no opinion about your parters previous sexual history it wouldn't bother you that perhaps they loved going down on their ex, but they won't do it on you or they tell you they don't really enjoy it with you etc.

Instead of pretending I'm immature why not explain why someone in the above situation is a bad person for feeling hurt ?

When I was single, at times all I wanted was a shag. I didn’t want an emotional bond. I wanted to fuck, bluntly.

Instead of pretending I'm immature why not explain why someone in the above situation is a bad person for feeling hurt

You’re not a bar person. Nobody has said that - I suggest that’s your own insecurities at play. Do I think it’s a healthy attitude? No, but simply because it runs the risk of YOU getting repeatedly hurt.

Humans are not the only creatures that have sex for fun (and not just for pair bonding).......

ftfoawygtfosm

I don't want to sound crude here, but it's a little more than that, I'm sure you wanted to feel desired and sexy as well. Otherwise you could just by a dildo.

I have slept with many many people. I don't think I remember them all.

I had a few years at uni when I was indeed a raging whorebag, and probably 50% of my sexual 'couplings' took place in those years. ~I'm not sure I remember all of them and some who I do remember I certainly don't remember their names.

I used to feel ashamed about how many people I'd slept with, and then I realised that a) it's none of anybody else's business
b) it is no reflection on my 'goodness' as a human being
and c) I really love sex.

I don't judge anyone for being a virgin or having very few partners, so why should I allow anyone else's judgements to affect me?

The only things relating to sex which I would judge people on are any kind of sexual assault or rape, AND carelessness/lack of hygiene regarding STIs/STDs.

Lomar. Nope. A dildo doesn’t feel the same and it isn’t the same feeling sucking a dildo and using a toy.

To be crude.

And please don’t presume to tell me how I felt about it. That is rude. I haven’t projected my feelings on to you. Please extend me the same courtesy.

the point is that most people inside comitted and loving relationship expect that their partner finds them to be the best lover they've had.

This isn't true. I've spoken with several friends who had more lovers than me, and I know a couple if them, at least, had better sex with an ex, but they viewed their relationship as a whole, covering both inside and outside the bedroom.

This sounds like it's actually your point of view, and it doesn't sound healthy to me.

But Jacques, why would you not feel hurt in that hypothetical situation, given your partners previous history does not matter ? Would it be different if you were looking to settle ?

See I don't get the desire to suck random men's cocks for my own satisfaction ftfoawygtfosm so there we differ.

But Jacques, why would you not feel hurt in that hypothetical situation, given your partners previous history does not matter?

What? I wouldn’t feel hurt because it doesn’t matter. I don’t care what someone has done before me.

Would it be different if you were looking to settle

No.

So I have a FWB. I don’t guve any thought to what he’s done before me. Or what he does when we’re not seeing each other. We have a great time having sex. The end.

I know jealousy. 2 weeks ago I experienced intense seething jealousy that could be seen on my face and was so strong I had to phone my sister to talk me down before I did something I would regret.

I know heartbreak, when my marriage broke down my heart was so broken I was unsure if it would ever heal.

But neither of these things had anything to do with past relationships. They were very much about the relationship I was in at the time.

lornar123, did you have sex with your ex, the one who cheated on you?

hear hear! @JacquesHammer

Where did I say they were random men?

And what’s wrong with mutual pleasure just for pleasure’s sake anyway?

You are very judgemental.

lornar123

A person with a healthy attitude to sex isn't going to be worried about the quality (or lack of) of the sex their partner has had with an ex. That is, if the thought even enters their head.

I've come across people (often but not always men) who have bragged about being their current partner's best lover. It may well surprise you that these people also often show red flags against being good relationship material. This sort of possessiveness about sex does link in many cases to other aspects of abuse.

These things are never discussed exactly because they are hurtful, if you truly held no opinion about your parters previous sexual history it wouldn't bother you that perhaps they loved going down on their ex, but they won't do it on you or they tell you they don't really enjoy it with you etc.
Details are not discussed because it is a private, intimate act. I wouldn't disrespect my previous partners or my current one by airing details. I'm not a teenage boy. And anyway, what benefit would it bring?

What Dione said.

Why would I want to discuss the ins and outs of my boyfriend’s previous sex life? What possible good would it achieve?

Sex is not, for me, the be all and end all of a relationship. I’ve definitely had better sex where I was so sexually attracted to the person, but in the round, as a complete human, it was never going to be a good relationship. And I’d take what I have with my current boyfriend over any of the other people I’ve ever been with. Because in the whole we are good together - in and out of the bedroom.

If your partner would rather have sex with someone else the I for one was jealous and heartbroken about that. If you are in a relationship with someone you also would hope that they would not want to have sex with someone else because you give them all they need. And I realise that you would never find out about how you measure up to exes, but I still contend that most women would be pretty devestating to hear that their husbands preferred having sex with other women.

Hold on. Just because I had better sex with someone else doesn’t mean I would rather have sex with that other person.

There’s a difference between

The sex with x was better

And

I would prefer to have sex with x