Page 11 | In thinking having more than 5 sexual partners doesn't make you a raging whore bag?

fifithefoof · 2018-10-13T23:43:43+00:00

Following on from the last thread .....

Thinkingofausername1 · 15/10/2018 17:53

@Rebecca36 not true.

JacquesHammer · 15/10/2018 17:58

Again Jacques I can't understand that. I would never marry someone if I knew I could never fulfill them sexually the way their ex could

How are you measuring it?!

As long as you please each other, why does it matter whether you’re doing what an ex did?

As gently as possible, I think you need to maybe explore some of your issues surrounding sex because it’s going to make life so hard for yourself when you deserve to be in a loving, sexually fulfilling relationship (if that’s what you want).

Thinkingofausername1 · 15/10/2018 18:24

These threads actually really shock me. It's sad that some of you can't accept or be nice that not everyone wishes to sleep with 5 or 50 men. Perhaps some people just have not been able to have the freedom to do that for various reasons like the lot of you bragging about it. It does not mean We class others as a slag.

JacquesHammer · 15/10/2018 18:31

These threads actually really shock me. It's sad that some of you can't accept or be nice that not everyone wishes to sleep with 5 or 50 men. Perhaps some people just have not been able to have the freedom to do that for various reasons like the lot of you bragging about it. It does not mean We class others as a slag

Apart from some people have said just that.

I’ve said repeatedly, I don’t have any opinion on whether you sleep with 1 or 100 people, provided you’re happy.

If a friend confided in me they were unhappy because of their number of course I’d feel sorry for them. I’d never judge them.

That is all anyone on this thread is requesting.

DioneTheDiabolist · 15/10/2018 18:44

All I want for women is that they have a happy and fulfilled sex life, be it with 1 person or 1000.

What shocks, saddens and perplexes me are people who think badly of/slut shame others, despite it being incredibly damaging to women and society as a whole.

What does it benefit those who judge?

Thenewdoctor · 15/10/2018 18:46

My current bf isn’t the best sex I’ve ever had. But in the round he’s the best person I’ve ever been with.

lornar123 · 15/10/2018 19:40

To those saying or implying that they had better sex with other men than they're husband and suggesting that I am some sort of freak for even thinking it mattered, I would like to ask some more questions

we're all anonymous here, so out with it, is sex with your husband as good as you have had ?
I.e. how do you measure it ? Does it not matter as long as its passable ?
how would your husband feel if he was to find out you held this view of him, what would you say to him ? Suppose he read this thread by accident. You must know enough about men to understand that he would be heartbroken and emasculated. Is he unreasonable ?

JacquesHammer · 15/10/2018 19:52

To those saying or implying that they had better sex with other men than they're husband and suggesting that I am some sort of freak for even thinking it mattered, I would like to ask some more questions

Who said that? Please do copy and paste he post that called you a freak? Or is that your words...?

1) we're all anonymous here, so out with it, is sex with your husband as good as you have had?

I’m not married. When I was we had an enjoyable sex life. That’s all that mattered, I never considered a comparison.

2) I.e. how do you measure it ? Does it not matter as long as its passable?

Who said it was “passable”. We had a fantastic sex life.

3) how would your husband feel if he was to find out you held this view of him, what would you say to him ? Suppose he read this thread by accident. You must know enough about men to understand that he would be heartbroken and emasculated. Is he unreasonable?

He wouldn’t have been. He was a virgin when we got together. He knew I wasn’t. But then he was never the fragile masculinity type. He was “heartbroken” over more serious, actual issues not sex life.

DioneTheDiabolist · 15/10/2018 19:56

If my DP read this thread I doubt he'd think anything much. My past sex life doesn't make him feel heartbroken or emasculated, if it did, we would not be together.

It would be extremely unreasonable, creepy and controlling for any man to have expected me to live my life worrying how they were going to feel when I met them in the future.

Thenewdoctor · 15/10/2018 19:59

Sex with my husband was utterly shit. It’s a big part of why we are divorced.

My current boyfriend wouldn’t be heartbroken and emasculated. That would be really weird that he would feel he could control how I felt before I met him. That’s a bit odd.

Sex isn’t the be all and end all of a relationship.

Thenewdoctor · 15/10/2018 20:07

I’m almost 50. My current bf is 53. He has issues that mean he doesn’t always stay hard. So the sex isn’t always on the table as it were.

That doesn’t mean I don’t think he’s the best thing since sliced bread.

DawgLover · 15/10/2018 20:52

I can't understand why it's worth spending the time thinking about/judging/discussing a person's sexual history. As long as they aren't hurting anyone and having safe sex what does it matter?

My DP really doesn't care if he's my "best" or not. What he does care about is that he is my last and that he's the person I'm happiest with (direct quote from Mr Dawg)

Original poster

fifithefoof · 15/10/2018 22:11

I just asked DH if I was his best and if he'd be upset if he wasn't mine and he said, verbatim "what a weird question, do you need a hug or something?"

OP posts:

BeautifulPossibilities · 15/10/2018 22:24

I've been with my husband since very young and we are both around the 5 mark. Kind of wishing I had been much more of a raging whorebag before I settled down

lornar123 · 15/10/2018 23:06

Again, gonna stick my neck out here, if your husband cares not that Pierre from Bordeaux who you "did" in a youth hostel in 1994 is a better ride than him, well that's just odd. Sorry.

Bellendejour · 15/10/2018 23:09

YABU for bringing this up again because it made me so sad to read the judgemental slut-shaming posts last time and realise that women felt this way both about other women and by extension themselves

Bellendejour · 15/10/2018 23:10

(But I support the complete lack of fucks about numbers at any end of the spectrum)

DioneTheDiabolist · 15/10/2018 23:12

My DP doesn't give a first or second thought to Pierre from Bordeaux. Nor did my ExH, nor did any of my LTRs.

lornar123, if you get fixated on your DP's Exes you should not be in a relationship.

Original poster

fifithefoof · 15/10/2018 23:14

Seriously. And I'm the one with low self esteem.

OP posts:

TooTrueToBeGood · 16/10/2018 00:01

Again, gonna stick my neck out here,

Maybe you should wind it in a bit then because you're making a twat of yourself.

You must know enough about men to understand that he would be heartbroken and emasculated.

That is such an offensive and blinkered attitude, hence the reason for my short tone. First, just like women, men aren't some collective conciousness. Second, not all men have egos made of glass, think their penile proficiency defines them nor fret over whether they're maybe not the best lover in the world, city or even the street. The men in your life may not be able to bear the thought of their wives having had a prior sex life but that doesn't mean we're all emotionally retarded.

JacquesHammer · 16/10/2018 07:16

Again, gonna stick my neck out here, if your husband cares not that Pierre from Bordeaux who you "did" in a youth hostel in 1994 is a better ride than him, well that's just odd. Sorry

So just to clarify, you get antsy because someone calls you a “freak” (which they didn’t!) but you’re ok to decry other people’s as odd? Gotcha.

lornar123 · 16/10/2018 08:02

I know I won't change anyones mind but there's a cognitive dissonance here where on the one hand you want to say sex is unimportant but on the other you want to forge an intimate exclusive relationship in which sex is the key ingredient (only.thing you can't do with anyone else)

It can't be news to you that people experience envy and jealousy when their partner finds another women or man more sexually attractive than them whether you think they ought to or not they are millions of works of art about this very subject.

The fact that you don't have these feelings does not make them wrong. I find it strange that you have never had them.

JacquesHammer · 16/10/2018 08:04

I know I won't change anyones mind but there's a cognitive dissonance here where on the one hand you want to say sex is unimportant but on the other you want to forge an intimate exclusive relationship in which sex is the key ingredient (only.thing you can't do with anyone else)

Who are you talking to?!

I’ve never said sex is unimportant. I said absolutely the opposite.

I also don’t want to forge an exclusive relationship.

The fact that you don't have these feelings does not make them wrong

Again please copy and paste the posts that say that.

I find it strange that you have never had them

You find it strange that other adults work in different ways. Really?

Strugglingtodomybest · 16/10/2018 08:21

I would never marry someone if I knew I could never fulfill them sexually the way their ex could.

^^ weirdest comment so far in my opinion. How would you even know this? Did your DH to be give you a detailed assessment, compete with long term projected outcomes, of how good sex is with you compared to previous lovers? Based on which, you could then decide if you were good enough to marry him?

DioneTheDiabolist · 16/10/2018 08:25

lornar123, with all due respect, you seem to have no idea about what constitutes a healthy relationship. Every time you stick your neck out its to put up another big red flag that would have any emotionally intelligent adult running for the hills.

A adults don't model their relationships on works of art or fairy tales. You sound very young and completely inexperienced which is why you are unlikely change the minds of grown women.