Page 10 | In thinking having more than 5 sexual partners doesn't make you a raging whore bag?

fifithefoof · 2018-10-13T23:43:43+00:00

Following on from the last thread .....

lornar123 · 15/10/2018 14:05

Someone said that their husband would be frightened of the number ? Why would he be frightened to hear his wife had hundreds of sexual partners do you think ? Would he not like it ? Does that make him a bad man ?

As a woman I went into extensive detail.about this on the other thread, but I'll try again.

Someone's past/history is not irrelevant and we all get to decide what past behaviour we like or don't like. Someone who is promiscuous might not seem like a good bet emotionally if they can be intimate with so many different people. They may well be, but the truth is there is nothing special about me versus the other 200 women he has shagged, at least initially. So I like to feel special, shoot me.

Finally men who have had many sexual partners usually have a high number who they were dishonest with on some level, e.g implying they liked the women more than they did just to get sex. This sort of behaviour doesn't attract me.

Finally,

cookiesandchocolate · 15/10/2018 14:05

I've had 5. My best friend 60, my other best friend 15, my sister 100, my friends I met from university between 5 and 10. Does it really matter? Most of us are faithfully married now. It means nothing what you choose to get up to as long as it's harming no one

user348903890 · 15/10/2018 14:07

What a busy thread!

Shouldn't we all be out shagging like Raging Whore Bags?!

JacquesHammer · 15/10/2018 14:07

As a woman I went into extensive detail.about this on the other thread, but I'll try again

I’m surprised. You were responded to very clearly but never actually bothered to read the replies.

But you know, I’ll try again. This isn’t about what rules you choose to pick a partner.

Lydiaatthebarre · 15/10/2018 14:16

It is true Fifi.

zukiecat · 15/10/2018 14:35

Thank you Dione for explaining

Gingerrogered

I didn't make the comment about other women being a threat, not sure who did, but it certainly wasn't me

Gingerrogered · 15/10/2018 14:58

lornar, all you’re really saying there though is what your personal preferences are which is what it boils down to.

Some people aren’t going to want to have a partner who’s not slept with anybody else or only one person because they think they will be gauche or inexperienced (I’ve read somewhere this was a big problem between Charles & Diana and part of the reason he preferred the more experienced Camilla.

Some people, like you, aren’t going to want to have someone who’s had a lot of partners because it makes you think their morality and way of treating people probably wouldn’t fit well with your own.

That’s the thing really for both isn’t it? It’s a compatibility issue and neither is right or wrong. They’re just different. What is ideal for one person is wrong for the next.

It’s not so much a matter of ‘right or wrong’ as it is of simple compatibility with each other’s value systems and outlook on life.

RebelRogue · 15/10/2018 15:29

When I was growing up women/girls were split into wife material or not. Wife material meant virgin or as close as, unwilling to do certain sex acts like oral or anal etc. There were some women/girls that held these views (and their refusal had nothing to fo with morals but rather a fear if being dumped/not getting married) but the vast majority of people holding these views were males. Males that did sleep around a lot and even worse did ask/demand their girlfriends to have sex with them and other things.
The hypocrisy of it all was mind boggling and infuriating.

DioneTheDiabolist · 15/10/2018 15:41

There is a long history of society trying to control women's sexuality to abate the fears of men. Shaming women who enjoy sex was an integral part of controlling them. I am glad that this is passing as it benefits no woman and is hugely damaging.

silkpyjamasallday · 15/10/2018 16:18

I've only slept with 4 people and settled down with DP and had DD in my early twenties, and I honestly I wish I'd played the field a bit more as 2 were total arse holes and shit at sex. I had very fucked up views around sexuality as a teen, and a lot of internalised misogyny and I believed there was a great deal of value in being chaste and not having 'too many' partners. My best friend slept with absolutely loads of people, and I was always very jealous deep down but tried to make myself feel better by placing value on my chastity in comparison, and to my shame, branding her a slut (although there was some 'reclaiming' of the word slut done at school and spun as a positive but I didn't really mean it that way). I didn't get a lot of interest from boys my own age and older boys who saw inexperience and low self esteem as appealing took advantage of that, it's only now years later I see how utterly creepy that was for 18/19 year olds to be trying it on with barely 15 year old me. I stayed with a shitty boyfriend for years, who was cheating on me the entire time, partly because I didn't want to up my numbers and thought I should have only slept with two people before the man I married. What I would do to go back in time and give myself a shake.

It's absurd to place so much value on the number of people you've slept with either way, I don't think a judgement of character should be made based on something so trivial.

lornar123 · 15/10/2018 16:37

The thing about experience is a red herring too. Someone who has been in 3 or 4 long term relationships is going to have had a lot more and better sex than someone shagging random people imo. As also noted previously, in general people prefer to have sex as part of a loving and comitted relationship even those boasting about their hight numbers. There is a feeling that this is the best context in which to have sex, and even the libertines amongst us don't go seeking sex with random men and are keen to point out that a man has accepted them despite knowin all about the number of other men they have been just as intimate with.

lornar123 · 15/10/2018 16:42

I can understand that you don't have to be in love to have sex, but most people would then be obliged to say that sex with their wife or husband was better. So there is a ranking given to sex which is Important. What else would a husband or wife really be bothered about being told they were not as good at as someone else you once knew ? Why do you think this is ?

mirialis · 15/10/2018 17:07

It's absurd to place so much value on the number of people you've slept with either way, I don't think a judgement of character should be made based on something so trivial

I don't think having sex with hundreds, or even thousands, of people is trivial to be honest. It's not "the norm" and does say something about the person's character - whatever that thing is and whether you view that something positively or negatively is completely up to you perspective, but it's simply not true to think that someone who chooses to be a virgin their whole life, or chooses to have sex with many people is doing something that most other people do and is therefore doing something that doesn't merit at least an "ah, ok, interesting, I wonder..." response.

Someone who has been in 3 or 4 long term relationships is going to have had a lot more and better sex than someone shagging random people imo

That's right for you, presumably because you're the kind of person who lets themselves go a lot more when with someone they know and trust, but it's not right for everyone. If a big part of your enjoyment of sex is the chase, the unknown thrill etc. - irrespective of who you're doing it with or even whether you orgasm - then you are not going to be getting "better sex" in an LTR than you are shagging a random.

JacquesHammer · 15/10/2018 17:10

Someone who has been in 3 or 4 long term relationships is going to have had a lot more and better sex than someone shagging random people imo

That is absolutely so subjective it couldn’t be measured

DioneTheDiabolist · 15/10/2018 17:14

but most people would then be obliged to say that sex with their wife or husband was better.
Why would anyone be obliged to say anything of the sort? Unfavourably comparing your current partner to past partners is unnecessary, poor sexual etiquette and I would be very suspicious about the motivation behind it.

OutPinked · 15/10/2018 17:14

I honestly don’t give a damn how many people a person has slept with. I met a 19 year old woman who had slept with double the amount I had as a 23 year old. Everyone is different. I’m in double digits but under 20 and that is fine by me. Most people I’ve met are similar to me with the odd person having a lot less or a lot more, one ex of mine had slept with 79 people. Nothing shocks me tbh, I have heard some tales in my time about other people’s sex lives and I just don’t give a shit. Whatever floats yer boat.

RebelRogue · 15/10/2018 17:20

@silkpyjamasallday

That's the side effect of such views. Women and girls become collateral damage in order to achieve the low numbers. Staying in unsuitable relationships to keep the number low,staying in a relationship with a guy because he was their first and it HAS to mean something, being vulnerable to blackmail and malicious gossip,being afraid of getting caught in a lie, low sexual contraception or safety, doing anal or oral because they are pressured into sex,but the precious hymen must stay intact. And for what really?

lornar123 · 15/10/2018 17:26

Why would it be poor sexual etiquette Dionne ? If you really believed that it didn't matter or not ? Incase you missed the point (I don't think you did, you're just refusing to address it), the point is that most people inside comitted and loving relationship expect that their partner finds them to be the best lover they've had. Sex is not just "another" part and I'm damn sure you would be gutted if you found out your husband found you sexually boring compared with a few of his his exes. Your attitude seems to be that that is fine as long as it is unsaid ?

JacquesHammer · 15/10/2018 17:30

the point is that most people inside comitted and loving relationship expect that their partner finds them to be the best lover they've had

I find this quite odd. It isn’t a comparison for me. Provided we had a mutually enjoyable sex-life I don’t need to get a gold star for being “the best”.

StripySocksAndDocs · 15/10/2018 17:34

At times i wish I'd slept with more people. I didn't because I was bought up to fear sex (strictly speaking penetrative sex - it would devalue me apparently amongst other things). i also had no self confidence. I was fully convinced I was so unattractive that no one could possibly want to have sex with me and that they were just put to humiliated me after.

It took me a while to sort my head out so was older losing my virginity than most of my peers. Not long after I did I met my now husband. i quite happy with him still! What I regret is that my reasons for not having more sexual partners before i met him weren't positive ones.

I have friends who have had sex with 50 plus people and ones that have just with one. I am just fine with their choice, but i hope it came from a positive and healthy place.

lornar123 · 15/10/2018 17:36

Unless of course you don't expect or find that sex is better with your husband than with some random ex, which is where we would differ.

lornar123 · 15/10/2018 17:39

Again Jacques I can't understand that. I would never marry someone if I knew I could never fulfill them sexually the way their ex could. Of course I understand it's unlikely I would ever find that out, but I at least like think I'm special in this regard.

RebelRogue · 15/10/2018 17:44

You seem to view sex as some kind of competition, on various levels. Odd.

DioneTheDiabolist · 15/10/2018 17:45

If you really believed that it didn't matter or not ?
If I believed that what didn't matter? I do not expect my DP to think that I am the best lover he's ever had and I don't think like that at all. We are of sufficient confidence and self esteem to not be thinking about past lovers when together. If either of us found the other sexually boring, we would be sexually incompatible and our relationship would have ended.

So that said, I would still be very suspicious of anyone who compared because it sounds manipulative, disrespectful and a lot like negging. Why would I want to be in a relationship like that?

Original poster

fifithefoof · 15/10/2018 17:50

the point is that most people inside comitted and loving relationship expect that their partner finds them to be the best lover they've had.

@lornar123 Um, what?!

Life isn't a competition. I don't expect to be 'the best my Dh has ever had'.

What a bizarre viewpoint. You're setting yourself up for some misery.

OP posts: